Gerick and I moved across the country, traveling by car from Ohio to Oregon, pulling a small trailer with all our possessions behind us. We were leaving our abduction support system behind in the East, so Budd Hopkins gave us information to join an Intruders Foundation support group in the Portland area.
To begin with, we were delighted, and participated eagerly with the group that was already established there. However, as time passed, things became more and more political and dramatic between us and the woman who ran the support group. I am not going to re-hash all that melodrama, however. Suffice it to say that PTSD can make any awkward situation potentially explosive. In addition, I was still very young and responded unwisely a couple of times. Gerick handled some things better than I did, and some things worse. We didn't realize until it was too late that there was even an issue. We were with the group for a little over 2 years.
What I want to share instead is what I noticed about the dozen or so regulars who attended the support group meetings (and later, dinners) and how our sharing our memories and personal issues allowed me to learn more about abductees as a group. We had regular contact for several years with those abductees and some stayed friends with us for over a decade, while others faded out over time. I learned a lot from that brave band of people.
Before studies were widely published on commonalities between abductees, I learned many of them first-hand. Many of us shared issues that were quite disturbing:
~ All of us had terrible problems sleeping as children, due to 'nightmares' and fears of
something. Most of us slept in, under, or next to our parents' beds well beyond when such behavior is considered normal-- not stopping until somewhere between 15 and 17 years old! We were all embarrassed by our own behavior then, but the fear at night was so strong that sometimes we simply couldn't bear to be in a room alone. Many of us who had the opportunity to have a room of our own soon discovered that sharing with a sibling was better than being alone at night as well, and moved back in with a sibling after trying a few weeks of having a room to ourselves. (Sometimes siblings were included in abductions and sometimes not.) This was true for boys as well as girls, although the boys were shamed for their night time fears much more.
~ Anxiety and fear were constants for everyone in the group. There wasn't a single abductee who didn't deal with horrendous issues that today are labeled as Complex Developmental PTSD. For most, before 'catching' an actual alien around while totally awake and remembering it, the source of anxiety was a stubborn mystery. We all had these strange incidents and nightmares and missing time-- and we all had trouble identifying what the problem was in our past. Everyone had wondered if they were being harassed by hostile spirits or demons or some secret human agency of some kind. Some even wondered if they were victims of ritual abuse! And of course we ALL wondered if we were completely crazy with childhood onset schizophrenia. Except-- there was no evidence for any of that (even weird encounters with
actual ghosts or entities seemed to demonstrate THAT wasn't it!)
The anxiety was not, however, reduced upon discovering the actual problem, as each one of us had to face that we were dealing with something for which there was NO help. No medicine or treatment. No human authorities who could intervene and stop the abductions. In addition, we all knew that our discoveries would be doubted and ridiculed by many, and so we became very emotionally isolated. We all had to keep what we found a secret-- because we found that people we counted on for support rejected us for telling the truth. For many, a researcher or two and the fellow abductees in the support group were the only ones who knew.
~ Abductees were NOT able to keep this secret from long-term live-in lovers or spouses, because inevitably-- these people witnessed very odd things, including aliens or landed UFOs-- and they either ran away and left the abductee or became involved. About half of the abductees in our group were paired with another abductee, and several spouses who were not lifelong abductees soon became abductees as well, as the aliens took advantage of the situation. ALL the children of abductees became abductees themselves without exception, although it seems families with multiple children would have alien 'favorites' who were taken more often.
~ Considering this dynamic, entire families were often in an ongoing state of secrecy and siege. They and their children were being taken by aliens semi-regularly, dealing with 'side effect' issues (extra psychic sensitivity, poltergeists, strange harassment, etc.) AND trying to act normal and avoid rejection by relatives, neighbors, co-workers, and friends. It was a difficult life to negotiate, we all agreed! Parents who were abductees were especially anguished over how to protect their children, and when to admit that aliens were involved, and how to get the kids to NOT talk about all the weirdness they experienced to their peers who would reject them for it. Often, the kids knew more of what the aliens were doing than the parents and sometimes it was the kids who discovered abductions were happening to begin with!
~ Nearly every abductee had reproductive or genital issues-- as in, something being not normal. Some men had strange holes in the skin of their penis-- like healed over piercings-- that would spiral in tubes going ALL the way around as if to accommodate a mechanical semen collection device. Every woman had tiny, short scars on her lower belly or inside her navel from multiple egg collections. Some women had weird scars on the inside of their labia or around the clitoris. Issues with twisted fallopian tubes, ovarian cysts, and uterine scarring were common as well. Many women ended up getting hysterectomies by middle age, although it seemed as though damage to reproductive organs were more of an issue for the older abductees than the younger ones by the mid-1990s.
~
Every single abductee (but one) had staggeringly powerful phobias of dentists and doctors, and especially gynecological procedures! Not a one of us made appointments easily and had to be pushed to get even routine medical and dental care. Most of us didn't develop these fears until sexual maturity hit in our teens. Gerick seemed to be the only real exception to this in the room, and many were amazed his own alien experiences hadn't dominated him in this way. We all commiserated about this issue, which led to some dangerous self-neglect in some cases. Most of us needed to have a buddy to go into medical and dental offices with us. We were all embarrassed at being unable to overcome our fears, and had further fears of melting down sobbing or freaking out and getting violent in public in such situations-- usually because we already had!
~ All of us were very ecologically minded. Loving nature and often tree huggers or vegetarians. Gerick and I thought it was interesting that even those who came from Christian or materialist backgrounds were at least semi-pagan in the way they lived philosophically. Everyone was deeply concerned about the biosphere of the Earth and felt that humanity had put nature under siege. Many felt that humanity was like a cancer on the planet and mourned more for the loss of non-human life than for human tragedies on the news.
~ Everyone had at least partial memories of attending 'classes' or watching presentations put on by the aliens addressing the inevitable future we were facing due to human foolishness. We all knew that the climate was going to go nuts within ten to twenty years (though timelines were vague, definitely in the lifespan of even the middle-aged abductees.) In addition, many felt that other massive Earth changes could happen at any time and at a higher rate than normal, like earthquakes and volcanoes. Most studied weather and geology as amateurs quite raptly, and some had taken classes in college for these subjects as well. It was mixed as to who was really obsessed with what, but when it came to the natural cycles of the Earth, and what could go wrong, most had at least a side-obsession with these types of topics, even if such interests didn't fit our personality otherwise.
~ Many recalled being told of coming cataclysms and had vivid dreams or memories of being shown disaster after disaster. Natural disasters dominated, but wars were shown as well, including nuclear wars. No one was sure if they were predictions, warnings, or tests of our reactions by the aliens, and there was quite a bit of controversy as to the meaning of it all by abductees. We felt these communications with the aliens were very important, but no one was sure what to do with the information.
~ We were a mixed group in some ways. Portland is very white, so everyone was white, but it seemed people came from all socio-economic classes, all different education levels and careers, and all different personal tastes. Few stood out visually, looks-wise, in any way. Some of the younger abductees in their twenties or the children of abductees were extra fine-boned and slender, with intense gazes-- but not always. Some had Celtic bloodlines, many didn't. Some had Native American bloodlines, many didn't. There was no "perfect abductee" despite several researchers insisting otherwise in the media at the time. At larger gatherings where several support groups came together, that was brought home even more-- all different races, classes, and lifestyles. The stereotype of the dumb redneck with missing teeth was a total fabrication of the media who desperately wanted to think there was nothing to our experiences.
~ Yet physically there were some more subtle nearly universal commonalities. Most had lower than normal body temperatures, from 94 to 96 degrees F as opposed to the more normal 98 or 99 degrees. Most had really high salt diets, yet struggled with abnormally low blood pressure until middle age. Digestive problems were
very common, with celiac's disease, crohn's, irritable bowel syndrome and ulcers far more common than normal. Many in the group suffered from strange immune system defects of various kinds, and about a third or more seemed to have Fibromyalgia and/or Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. Several families had issues with rare nerve diseases. There were slightly more bloodtype ABs than normal, and quite a few more negative Rh-- which was just beginning to be looked at by the early 90s.
~ Nearly all abductees had substantially higher I.Q.s than normal. The range for those who had been tested by experts (this was before online tests) was from the 120s to 140s for most, with a few in the 150s and lower 160s range. One woman claimed she had been tested at 181! Some who didn't know their I.Q. took a long version published from a book together, which was scored by a researcher, and this pattern held.
Everyone was smart, no exceptions-- at least not in the support groups. Statistically, this was completely
abnormal. The local Portland researcher, who had a house full of books and attended some meetings to compile data and ask questions, reported to us that the chances of finding a diverse group of people from all walks of life to have an average I.Q. of 135 (after you took all scores into consideration) given that middle class white people have a median range of 110 (due to privilege)-- was
unbelievably high. Also, it seemed obvious that successive generations of abductees were smarter than previous ones. Children were almost always more clever than their parents. When those in the group went back to find the "first alien-contact generation" however, looking at parents, grandparents and great grandparents, it seemed the very first generation was statistically average across the board. In general, the longer a family had been 'followed' for generations by aliens, the worse the health problems got and the higher the intelligence quotient. (I've noticed the bad health trend seems to be getting better over the last 20 years-- but more data is needed on that, as my contact with younger abductees is limited.)
~ Finally, most abductees were at least slightly 'psychic' and often had periods of time where their sensitivities and talents in this direction were enhanced (during intensive abduction flaps in particular.) These 'extraordinary' talents came in all flavors and often overlapped. Some had precognitive dreams, some could sense the history of objects by touching them, some could read minds a tiny bit, some could see auras or hear spirits, some could heal a little by touch. There was a lot of exploration and curiosity about this aspect of our lives, and it could be both exciting and frightening to deal with and share. It, along with the intelligence issue, smacked a little uncomfortably with ego fulfillment wish fantasies, and none of us wanted to go
there, appearing to be delusional and needing to be 'special'. Yet
so much of the abduction experience
sucked that it was a relief to find
something not so horrible-- although some abilities like dreaming of people dying before they do isn't really a talent most would want if they had a choice!
There was a lot of lively discussion, including wild speculation and devil's advocating for the idea we were all off our rocker! There was inside joke laughter and choking tears. But relating to all the similarities with strangers who had so many of the exact same problems was immensely helpful. We traded tips and tricks for how to handle certain situations and were "abduction buddies" for each other-- which meant being available to be called at 2 am if someone was having aliens invading and they needed a safe place to freak out and maybe get some help (since aliens tended to put people around the abductee safely 'out'.) It meant that when evidence was left, you could show it to someone and be taken seriously. It was a resource to compare notes with and during high activity periods it kept one sane.
Which is why, when the leader of the meetings began creating issues and turning people against one another, it was so devastating. Gerick and I stayed friends 'on the down-low' with those members who didn't want to get into a confrontation with the woman we were having a dispute with, but we were hurt that by staying out of it, they were at least appearing to side with her. Silence benefits the bully, as they say. Later, a few expressed their regret for not being more confrontational themselves. Gerick and I were the only ones who stuck to our guns (regarding eating meat, of all things) and later, when more drama happened after we left, it became more obvious who was instigating the drama. Like I said, I wasn't the wisest person at that age. I tended to speak my mind freely when discretion would be more prudent. By the end, I was tired enough of the relentless pressure on everyone in the group to conform to one person's dietary restrictions that I made some insensitive statements at a bad time-- and everything blew up in my face!
Sadly, it seems that our experiences of a support group of this kind were not entirely unique. By reports from abductees across the country I've learned that more often than we'd like, a "true believer" in one thing or another may step in and disrupt an entire dynamic, trying to convince everyone to agree with them that they are
this or that or that the aliens are
this or that and they simply won't tolerate disagreement. A good moderator who has a cool temperament and knows how to handle fragile and overwrought people with deep shame issues is crucial, and not many abduction support groups had the luxury of that sort of leadership.
Still, for the most part, I don't regret most of the people I met or anything that I learned. It gave me perspective that was greatly needed and allowed me to meet some very compassionate, intelligent and interesting people and I'll always be grateful for that!
sad
peaceful
