At Spiral's End

I find myself feeling a little nervous about my last 2 posts...

They make it seem like I'm on some drugged out state or something. Or else crazy. I mean, 2 days in a row of weird visions and feelings! I sound like I'm pretty 'off' lately. I can just imagine what my readers may think.

But I am being very careful to log any substances I take (or not) when and if I have any experiences, and I was only on the lowest dose of Lyrica (50 mg) as I am every day now for residual myofacial pain. Which relaxes me slightly, but I've grown very accustomed to that dose over many months now and I can't really even tell I'm taking it. And even at high doses, Lyrica doesn't induce hallucinations.

I've only been taking cannabis sometimes at night before bed. The effects sometimes last into the early morning, but not by evening the next day when these events occurred, so that didn't play into it at all.

For what it's worth, today feels very normal. Completely mundane and mediocre and though I'll remain alert, I don't expect anything to happen.

Meanwhile, one of my abductee friends in Texas is having a HUGE and LONG flap of UFO sightings and seeing beings, shadow things, weird lights and sounds in and around her house, along with some startling poltergeist effects. I wish I was there so I could study these dimensional-bending events while they happen and experiment with communication and/or prevention. She's smudging already, and salt-water spraying. But it's so thick and steady right now that it's difficult to control.

I know how she feels, but it's been awhile since I've had a flap like that. Mine seem to be much more mild and short-lived, at least for the last few years. Still, I deal with weird shit intruding off and on no matter where I live. Basic remedial witchcraft works great most of the time for that level of strangeness. And I'm trying to not be so aggressively defensive towards 'it' -- whatever 'IT' may be-- and maybe work out some type of mutually beneficial agreement. Go back to the OLD 'Old Ways'!! =^)

It's a learning experience, figuring out these things. I happen to live on a plot of land that has some kind of energy vortex right in the middle of it, on the edge of the woods. Again and again, I've noted that the weather shifts around our land out of sync with everywhere around us. We'll have winds whip up in a high pressure bubble that creates a hole of blue sky right above us that either stays there for hours OR opens up outwards to include the entire sky. I've played with that natural energy vortex sometimes, doing weather-witch rituals to trigger that effect and have nice weather above us as the rain clouds skitter around us on all sides. It looks weird to see, but I'm sure there's something on Heron Hold land that is worth understanding and working with!

Seeing that animal (?) thing blunder by a couple of nights ago was freaky, but didn't feel dangerous. Still, had I been outside when I saw it, I don't know what I would have done. I've NEVER heard of a beast like it in any folklore or myths or paranormal reports, so I don't know how to categorize it. Just noting and moving on, because what else can I do?

At least the wooden flute or pan pipe music I heard with the sunset indicated a positive interlude. And... a potential source of intelligence to contact/work with. I'm hoping to experiment much more with this... mystery as time moves forward.

I gotta wonder, though... with the Navy all over the place around here with all their radar and and sensors-- do they notice anomalies here? Are they curious? Probably not, as I'm guessing the odd pressure system anomalies and such are too sporadic and limited to bother with.

Yesterday, I felt... weird. Happily, I allowed myself to enjoy the eerie sensation.

It was still with me today which is unusual, but I was also foggy. (Still am...) Fatigued a little too. So I didn't do much today.

Cat, on the other hand, was on fire! She was getting chores done right and left-- taking care of winterizing the mower and chipper and cleaning the chicken coops and such. She had some extra eggs from that chore and cheerfully offered some at our "Faerie Tree." That's a hawthorn out in a cleared part of the field. We're using it as a sort of shrine to the nature spirits of the land here. Reese and Sleep make a new offering every time they visit now, because if they don't, their tools disappear!

I haven't really talked about it much, but we have an on-again, off-again issue with apportating (or teleporting) objects. Really obvious things, like I've lost 4 pairs of glasses by laying them down, turning around for a quick second, turning back and they're gone. Even if you search the whole house, they don't turn up. Why my reading glasses I don't know. After I made offerings at the tree, nothing further has gone missing for me. Reese had garden tools just go 'poof'-- until she made offerings at my suggestion. Even once-a-skeptic Sleep had weird issues, and so, on a lark, he left small dishes of whiskey. No more problems ever since, so now he continues. It's quickly becoming a tradition to leave gifts at the tree. So between smudging and warding the house and area just outside it, and offering goodies further off, we seem to have stopped poltergeist activity completely. All is peaceful now-- and has remained so for months.

Cat was getting an oil change this evening, so I was alone when an astonishing event occurred.

I went outside to close the chicken coop doors like I do every night. It was right at sunset, but you wouldn't know it as the clouds were dark and gray from rain all day long. As I stepped outside the pen, I heard a haunting melody.

It sounded like someone was playing a flute, but an old-fashioned one. Maybe pan pipes? It sounded very pretty, but not normal somehow. More astonishing, it was coming from the back area of Heron Hold land. No one goes back there. As a matter of fact, it's so full of briars and scrub, that it's almost impossible to get to unless you know of a special path.

I listened, thinking it was a car stereo, or maybe one of our neighbors on the ridge behind our land playing music? But it wasn't pop music of any kind. It was a single instrument, played beautifully!

As I walked down from our main area to try to figure out the mystery of it all, the pipes continued to play... but they repeated the same 3 measure tune again. Not a recording of a full song then. It was live music, at least a short piece of live music.

The weird thing is-- I didn't expect it to be a normal situation. Things have been feeling 'off' but I was approaching it like an adventure, without fear. I made my way unsteadily through the path in our woods down towards the Faerie Tree. As I walked, the light changed to orange, which was odd on such a dark and dreary gray day. Meanwhile, the musical refrain played out it's third round, and I could tell it was coming from the Faerie Tree. I started talking aloud (I was alone in the woods, who could hear me after all?) "I'm coming! What do you want to show me?"

If I actually found a person playing pan pipes, I'd be delighted to make a new, quirky friend, but I knew in my bones that would not be the outcome. Getting closer to the music, there was an odd quality to the sound I couldn't decipher.  It... got inside my head. Even now, writing this, the notes keep playing over and over in my mind. Like an earworm, but it feels like a delicious mystery.  I wish I could write music to share it. It was a simple tune, but so... compelling. And utterly original, as far as I could tell. I'd never heard it before, but it seemed similar to a hundred tunes I've heard, if that makes any sense at all, and probably doesn't.

As I reached the edge of the woods and emerged into the wild meadow, the music faded away. And... there was a HOLE in the clouds just over the ridge that I faced as I entered the area. Through it, a burning bright orange sunset glowed, standing in stark contrast to the grays everywhere else overhead.

It was kind of like THIS-- only more deeply orange and a little wider, with thicker rain clouds around it. But those light beam like rays coming out? Yeah, THOSE were shining obviously, likely due to the rain in the air. It was surreal looking.


"Wow! Pretty!" I said.

There was no one at the Faerie Tree, or anywhere else in the back area for acres. I was alone out there. Of course the 'logical' explanations went through my head, but none of them seemed to fit. And there was that odd FEELING of being drawn towards something. A strange sensation of intelligent connection. Hard to describe, but quite lovely.

Then I heard the refrain of pan pipes one more time-- from the direction of the sunset! After repeating itself completely, it stopped, the final notes fading out. It sounded like something was flying away from me towards the sunset. There's no house or neighbors in that direction. No country road. It made no sense.

Unless you believe in faeries!

So so silly-- and yet..!

I bowed towards the sunset and thanked the fae beings who (maybe?) played me a wee tune. Were they thanking us for the eggs? I would have to let Cat know.

Eggs. 'They' like the eggs. Okay-- duly noted! LOL!!

I also sang the notes back a few times, standing there alone as rain began falling on my head. I stood in the orange glow of that tiny bit of sunset and tried to memorize the notes of the short refrain. It was obviously a part of a much longer song. I began playing with it, adding to the end of it, trying to make it more of a song than it was.

It was a simple but effective religious experience. I get those sometimes.

Right then, I felt connected to something beyond myself. I felt... appreciated. Loved. NOTICED. That's the hard part when it comes to divinity, actually feeling like some aspect of the Other gives a damn. But right then... yeah. I was being communicated with, and I tried to give it right back again and keep the dialog active.

I looked around a lot, not just at the sunset. Was there anything to see in that odd orange light? I half expected to get a glimpse of a weird animal or humanoid. Alas-- no such luck.

It was a very brief sunset. Only maybe 5 minutes at most. It quickly faded back to gray and the 'hole' of clear sky it shone through moved along and got covered by clouds again. So I plodded my way back up to our house, a smile on my face and peace in my heart.

Weird. Weird weird weird weird WEIRD!
Literally weird. Like wyrd.

I shall share the experience with the other residents and visitors who honor the fae here, and maybe we'll get more interactions. I guess we'll see. At least this proved to be a nice contact with whatever dwells around this place. Most of the time, it seems like the land spirits are pissed and hate humans. To begin with, ours liked to harass us a little. Maybe we're changing that though. We're doing the old fashioned pagan thing where you honor those energies and treat them with respect. And... you bribe the heck out of them! Which seems to be working.

THAT was a really COOL experience!

I'm feeling really ODD right now.

Actually, I've felt really odd all day. Weird. Like reality doesn't FIT right somehow.

At times, this has led to de-realization and panic attacks. But I've been tackling that after my divorce successfully. It used to be that I loved that feeling. It always felt so deliciously interesting, like anything could happen. It used to be that I enjoyed feeling the world shift a little sideways like that. Possibilities of unusual and intriguing things seemed so very likely. Most of the time, absolutely nothing happened-- but sometimes it did.

As a child it was my 'mystical' feeling. After the aliens turned to reproductive activities in my teens, though-- I think that cool mood changed to one of dread and horror. And then, as an adult, I made my way back towards it being interesting again. The divorce just reignited the fear factor part of it I guess.

However, today it feels cool again. Go figure! I was alert to possible strange events, but nothing happened all day.

Until tonight. Just one, very brief, strange thing that made no sense. I can't figure it out, but I'll report it because... hey, maybe I can make sense of it later, or someone else will see a connection somewhere.

I was doing up the nightly dishes before turning in early for the night. I dim the lights inside the house and have some porch lights on, so I'm not entirely blind looking outside. The sink faces a wrap-around bay window and I saw something big move out of the corner of my eye.

I looked up and a large... um... ANIMAL?-- was swiftly lumbering past the kitchen windows. I could see a good portion of it from the porch light outside, but I had to lean forward to block out the light behind me in the house. It looked to be bare-skinned like an elephant (no fur) but the skin was reddish, like it had a sunburn. It was on 4 legs, thick and meaty. Again, like an elephant or rhino. The head was down so I barely saw the top of it, and got no details on that. It had NO tail, just a rump, as I could see it's behind as it turned to go around the house! It looked to be 4 feet high or so, maybe slightly more, at the shoulders, and maybe 6 to 7 feet long. If I had to guess, I'd say it resembled a juvenile elephant with it's big ears and small tail cut off.

What the FUCK!?!?

As an abductee, I've seen some seriously weird shit in my life. Much of it having nothing to do with UFOs nor aliens. This would be one of those bewildering types of things that occur rather randomly that make no fucking sense at all.

I blinked for a second and then flipped off the light and ran to the tower part of the keeping room to follow the creature I saw.

Nothing, of course. It was gone.

I went back to the location and played with the light to see if I could replicate the appearance of what I thought I saw. Also, I've seen deer out there many times and they don't look like that. No animal I know looks like that!

My best guess at this time is that I'm a little trancy today, and maybe I saw something that exists only on the astral. It looked physical, but it didn't move right. Anything that big and heavy moving like that would make noise. It was running with a heavy-appearing body. But it was silent and swift and blinked out of reality, so I'm going to vote for "not physically real."

I think the fae part of reality exists in the 'astral' and sometimes bleeds through. It happens more in some locations than others, and it effects some people more than others. This was one of those bleed throughs I think.

Cat went to Seattle for some me-time earlier in her 1-week "staycation" but I suggested we check out Port Townsend, or "Victoriana" as I'll call it here, because "Townsend" is the boring likely name of some ship captain or conqueror of Native Americans or something. I could look it up, but you know what--? Fuck it. Don't care. Horrible name for a town so I hereby rename it in the Lucretian Universe of Appropriate Names!!

LOL!

This town has a Victorian festival every year AND, if that wasn't enough, a separate Steampunk Festival. While we were there, Cat and I saw a bunch of people (40s to 70s) dressed up in Victorian mourning wear (lots of black) taking a Haunted tour of the downtown area!

We drove around and I saw many of the famous Victorian Queen Anne houses the town is famous for (on the west coast, not common to find such old homes) and had lunch at a tea shop that was voted the best in the Seattle area like 4 of the last 6 years. It was pretty cool. You go in, sniff jars of tea, and order one based on that, plus any food you like, pay up front, and then go sit where you like. No tips there-- they didn't even have jars out for that.

Then we walked around downtown and got drawn into a New Age bookstore called Phoenix Rising. I've even heard of the place. When I walked in, despite the hokiness of some of the displays-- books and tarot cards and natural stones of various kinds, plus TONS of Buddha statues and Hindu figurines-- I just felt wrapped in a warm embrace. We lost HOURS in that place! I ended up with 2 books, and Cat with 3. I could see some weird energy movement in the place, I think from all the quartz and amethyst they had. There was an energy PULSE that emanated from the front of the store back, at a rate of about once a second or so. It felt good though, so I wasn't worried about it.

Next, we drove to the state park at the north end of Victoriana. It's an old Navy Station with barracks and officer's quarters, right by the beach and a deliciously decaying lighthouse! We only had time to drive through and look around, but it'll be worth returning to later for sure!

Driving around, you could see how forward thinking this idealistic Victorian town really was. Lots of hippies and artists. Lots of historical homes and interesting art installations. There was a sense of whimsy and openness, yet protectiveness towards the past that I just LOVED. This town is a place I've never been to before this year, but I first heard about it and wanted to move there someday in 1988, when I found out such a place existed in the Pacific Northwest. Even Cat, who is very yuppie in her tastes, was impressed and intrigued.

I've GOT to go to their dress up Festivals next year!!

Finally we drove along the waterfront and eventually ended up at Manresa Castle for cocktails and dinner. I love that place. Been there before and was impressed and was happy to do it again. Because I saw the ghost of a man the last time, I tried to stay alert this time as well. I never saw anything. BUT---!

When I used the rest room, I went into an empty room and no one was behind me in the hall. It was early evening and the place wasn't very busy yet. I entered the room and went to the far stall, then heard a person clearly come in behind me. I felt their stompy footsteps vibrate the floor as much as I heard them. It seemed like a man wearing work boots. But maybe a fat woman or a biker chick? I shrugged and continued doing my thing. As I sat on the toilet, I heard the footsteps very obviously come into the room and go into the stall 2 down from myself. I heard the stall door swing open and closed and then all was silent. I kept waiting for the sounds (or smells, let's be honest here) of someone relieving themselves to begin and nothing happened. So I finished up and left my stall to wash my hands.

And I could see all the stall doors were open and NOBODY was there!

I washed my hands and wondered if it was possible that what I heard was a man entering the men's bathroom next door. But when I exited the room, I saw that room was empty (they had just cleaned it and left the door open). There were no employees around either. I clearly heard a person come into the Women's restroom, but there was no one around to have made the very loud and distinct noises and vibrations. I walked back in and to the empty stall I heard the man stomp into and laughed, "Pervert!" and left for the lounge again.

When I got back, I told Cat that something happened. Her response? "Of course it did!" -- said with a sigh and rolled eyes.

Oh, Manresa Castle-- you never disappoint, do you? We are 2 for 2 already!

A GREAT day of actually living and enjoying ourselves. I so cherish exploring such locations and finding treasures and jolting my imagination with fresh material!

Just a day out, but a good one and I'm glad we went!

Something happened the night of the 4th. That's the only time period I can't account for in this...

I got dressed this morning and didn't pay attention, so I missed it until I got UNDRESSED this evening for bed.

I found bruises on my upper left thigh in the front. Multiple finger-sized bruises. No where else on my body. And there is NO reason for them. I haven't gone anywhere or done anything that could explain them.

I'm getting better at this. I took a pic as soon as I saw this (blackened area for privacy reasons because it's by my pubis):


The photo doesn't do it justice though. These bruises are deep and purple and over a 6 inch by 8 inch area!

I went over and over and OVER my memory, trying to recall a time when I could have hurt myself-- but there's nothing there!

And I feel angry about it. Like... it's hard to describe. Just when I think it's over-- some shit like this pops out of nowhere.

To be blunt, I don't know what this is. Somehow, overnight, like magic, I got these bruises. Except it wasn't magic-- it was something physical that touched me too harshly.

The night of the 4th I was scared to go to sleep. I put it off until past 1 am. I slept fitfully. Then I got up early, all nervous.

Related to this? Not? I don't know. I just know I'm documenting it because I promised myself I would-- no matter how bad it makes me feel or how foolish, or confused, or angry.

UPDATE: I went around the house looking for counters and various objects I could possible have run into and not recalled... but nothing matched. Everything I found was either too tall or too short to explain the bruising. I even tried to hit myself on the right side to match it with wild gestures-- and I couldn't reproduce a single bruise! Apparently, that part of my body is not very easily bruised at all. So... I'm out of other explanations.

Seeing ghosts just here and there, now and then, is a fairly common part of my life. I generally see them when I'm out and about maybe once or twice a year. Not a LOT, but often enough to know that ghosts aren't that rare, really. If I live in a haunted house-- which was pretty normal out in Ohio-- then I see them much more often of course.

Today I saw my first Cedar Cove ghost!

She was in full color, 3-dimensional, and she was staring hard right at me as Sleep and I passed her in his car on our way to town. I just thought she was a very unhappy woman when I saw her for those few seconds. She looked to be in her 30s and had dirty blonde hair hanging lank and uneven to her shoulders, with sallow skin, dark rings and bags around her eyes, and she was too slender. I didn't really notice her clothes, but I got an impression of a print blouse maybe?

Anyway, she was standing on the porch of a house, almost leaning on the post by the steps down to the path and driveway. She was looking at me when I saw her and we made eye contact and I could tell she saw me. But she didn't move or blink. I noted her sickly appearance and wondered if she was on drugs or physically ill from some other issue. I sympathized with her, though. I could tell she was suffering and resigned to pain-- not a good place to be.

As we passed her, I turned my head to stare at her. She did not turn her head to look at me, but remained staring out towards the south. I realized she was fading out, and I could see through her and then she was gone. She just faded out of reality.

I realized then I had made brief eye contact with a dead woman. She looked a little like Chloe Sevigny:


The house was a NICE one, on the shoreline with access to it's own dock onto the Sound. There are tall trees near it and neighbor's houses close by as well. The scenario did not look haunted at all. All the same, I felt a little guilty for driving on and leaving her there, all desolate.

But she was there. I saw her long enough to know my eyes weren't fooling me or anything. I wonder if she felt me coming? Or was it pure coincidence that I happened along when she was manifesting and looking in the right direction?

Regardless, I will be watching that area again every time I pass that house for a long time to come. Maybe I'll see the Wan Woman again.

[The following entry is taken from events in my life over the last 9 months in which it seems my roomie Tess's boyfriend Oliver got cursed by his Filipina stepmother (in her early 30s whereas his dad is in his 70s-- so ew!). She wants to inherit the small, plain little house her husband owns and resents the idea of sharing apparently! Filipino folk magick is called "Kulam" and it is similar to voodoo in many ways. Anyways, the curse was to isolate him so anyone who helps Oliver could also be cursed... I know it sound ridiculous, but there was something odd going on. A series of bad luck "coincidences" that followed a clear pattern was what led me to believe a curse was going on. I am a witch, it's not like I haven't run into one before. However--! THIS case was not like anything I'd experienced. I have been working on dealing with it for some months, and I keep upping the ante to get this bitch's crap to stop.]

I got up this morning, just smacking my lips and letting cats out and such-like, and I picked up a book on... well... dark magick retribution shall we say? Cat brought it down so we could go over some recipes/spells and I was just pondering what we had to deal with soon when I heard a strange noise...

It sounded like bizzzz-izzzz-izzzz-izzzz. I thought it was some sort of rotating, whirring thing. Confused, I stepped towards the middle of the house from the nook area I was in, trying to get closer to what I heard. I was at the stairs going up to the "Salon" or recreation room when I heard the same strange sound again! This time I bounded up the stairs to find nothing amiss and no one around and no cats at all.

What in the ever-loving FUCK!?

The sound came from the windows on the south side of the room, and so I went up to examine them. Then it hit me! The sound! Every morning I tend to go upstairs to open the blinds and they make a whizzing sound! I checked and that was the sound. Loud and clear, too.

Except... the blinds were in the same position I left them in yesterday. Wide open. I didn't need to open them because Cat didn't close them for the night like she often does, much to my annoyance sometimes. The sound I heard was clear, repeated, and obviously from this particular activity-- but no one was doing the activity.  I mean, it was crazy obvious that the sound could not have been happening in reality. Not even from blinds spontaneously falling down to close-- as they were all open. The room was wide open without places for a prankster to hide, and both my roomies were at work in any event. It was clearly an uncanny happening.

What was I doing before the impossible sounds hit...? Oh, yeah! Looking at a magick book!

Cue me eying reality sideways---> HERE.

I felt no sense of threat, but just the action of picking up a magick book caused (maybe) something odd to happen. It wasn't from a spirit or intelligent intermediary, like a demon or elemental or what-not. It seemed like a mechanism was tripped, magickally speaking that is. There was no sense of threat from these dark moon hi-jinks nearly every dark moon for nearly a year. No sense of a "mind." So these happenings aren't warnings or anything.

Rather, they seemed to be an indication of a very powerful pulling on the threads of Fate or Reality itself. Since I'm using magick on magick, the triggered time period of hexing (the dark moon day plus 2 to 3 days on either side of it) seems to bring the magickal mechanism "alive" like a computer program. It then reacts to anything under it's paradigm-- anything that could help Oliver gets the program's attention. And magick must get special attention because only magick can stop the program. It has a built in defense apparently!

I'm alarmed, but more than that...?

I'm fucking impressed! That's some seriously innovative mojo-maneuvering, you know? I don't know who this guy is who gets paid to curse people, but he's fucking TALENTED. Damn, dude! (Readings showed it was an older male Filipino.)


Tonight, as we were discussing the purchases Cat made at a magick shop (lots of herbs, mainly) and going over plans for the next 5 days or so, the electricity started buzzing-- but only in the kitchen where we were talking. The rest of the house was normal! We checked everything and no prosaic explanation could be found. So then we went back to our planning session-- and the electric buzzed, then went off and back on by itself and only in the kitchen again. We only had 2 lights on-- nothing else. The air conditioning was even on hold at this time. The cause and effect seemed clear.

Cue me looking sideways at reality once more---> HERE.

We immediately burned pinon pine incense in the area and the rooms adjacent and the weird electrical interference stopped completely and never came back the rest of the day. We were able to finish our discussion and make plans for tomorrow "magickally unmolested" as it were.

Phantom sounds and electrical anomalies aren't symbolic of anything, clearly. It was only their timing in relation to magickal planning (not even magickal WORK, note) that linked the strange events to the Kulam curse to begin with.

The abnormal tweaking of reality, since it's not from a consciousness (as from an attack using an intermediary like a spirit) means that the focus is powerful AND we're basically witnessing the side effects of that magickal focus. Hearing phantom sounds from the recent past and electrical interference are all signs of that reality being tweaked from sideways.

We're experiencing side-effects of the "computer program" magick reacting to our magickal intentions, basically. I suppose a mind-reading automatic magick spell isn't much more remarkable than the rest already, right? [Now I have an image of bugs bunny after seeing the monster coming to mind...]

Don't get me wrong, I fucking hate this shit. Broken bones (3 cases of broken bones now, including a new one last month's dark moon) and car accidents with deer (4 cases now) and car mechanical failures (4 cars as of this month) and being kicked out of or forced to flee home (Oliver 3 times and 7 other people who took Oliver in 1 time-- every person who took him in lost their own home within 2 months) lost jobs and just general bad luck -- are really terrible things to deal with!

However-- the curiosity in me is way stronger than my fear. I'm learning a LOT from this strange case. I've never had to deal with a hex so persistent and powerful and... clever before. Someone has crafted a curse requiring several levels of focus, and kept it up month after month after month. This guy does magick for a living as he has no other money-making opportunities. That's what the reading said. It's his full-time job! And he puts his all into it, I'll give him that.

So-- I respect the guy and all, but... I still have to do everything I can to smack a bitch up! He's hurting innocent people who have nothing to do with a greedy's woman's desire to inherit a small house and tiny bit of money.

Luckily, for my side-- dark magick has built-in weaknesses, mainly that they tweak reality away from it's ordained course and are unjust even beyond karma or chance. That leaves a gulf very wide for the hex-sender to fall into. You just need to give them a gentle push and down they go! I simply had to find a way around this automatic program with it's built-in self-defense mechanism, and I had to study Kulam for months (and info on it is VERY limited!) to figure out how to do it.

Exhausting!

But it's going to be worth it.

I awoke in the wee hours of the morning to the sensation of my bed shaking. Not a lot, but vibrating noticeably, like a train passing by.

ALIENS!

But I put my fingertips to the wall over my bed to check, like I always do, and...

...the walls were shaking too!

It was an earthquake. About 3 pts on the Richter Scale where I live, apparently, but 4 point something up in Everett, WA.

So-- no aliens.

Sighing in relief, I rolled over and went right back to sleep.

Some time ago I wrote about memories of what I believe to be a past life. I think I died in World War I, also called "The Great War" but really-- what's so great about war?

(When I find the link, I'll post it.)

It is one of my most visited posts, even if you discount the bots that do their thing on that and other popular posts. I've even been contacted by a reincarnation society of people who have memories of World War I specifically! I didn't know such a thing existed. Anyway, apparently, they use my story quite extensively as an example of what sorts of memories people can have.

I died in that war, in the 1910s, the "Edwardian" era, and I have a great nostalgia for that time period. I was British, upper class, from a small, rural area-- I'm going to say near Scotland, due to several reasons, not least of which I feel drawn toward the hills of northern England.

I was a man, a smoker, left-handed but taught to use my right for several things, so a little ambidextrous (which I still am to this day-- my right side has pain issues and I quickly switched to throwing, catching, and even using a mouse with my left more easily than my right). I was used to being respected and listened to, so this life I feel out of sorts being a working class woman who has never been taken seriously in that natural way I came to expect back then. I love the art and clothing styles and pop culture of that time. Lots of things come from that.

When I was a child and teen, I also had dreams of what I believe to be the life before THAT life, and that is what I'm going to write about today. I feel ready now.

It's hard to write about because it was ultimately so damnably sad in the end...


I remember being a woman in the mid-Victorian era, this time on the Northeastern shore of the United States, though possibly an island or the Southeastern shore of Canada. That part isn't so clear. Once again, I have a love of the Victorian era and it's styles and customs, and for the lovely seashores to be found along Maine, for instance. Lighthouses and windy, grassy areas overlooking an ocean tamer than the Pacific I know here are a part of these memories.

I don't remember my childhood in that life, only a bit about my teen years and later.

In the dream, which I had several times, each time waking up in utter desolation-- I was contentedly married to a sweet, gentle man. We had a medium-sized but lovely and distinguished home in a rural community, not on the beach, but still where we could see the ocean if we looked out certain windows of our home.

I loved books. I may have taught school in my youth. My husband was either a college librarian or a professor. He had a job working in academia, which he loved and found challenging, and I enjoyed talking about his day with him when he came home in the evenings. We led a quiet life and I was SO happy there. I had plans. So many plans for myself and my family. I loved to sit in a chair on our porch, looking towards the sea, and read and daydream.

My life had not always been easy. I escaped from a suitor who today would be called a violent stalker. He had done something while we dated when I was years younger that scared me so badly I left my home town to stay with friends or relatives in another place. And there, I met the man who became my husband and then he got a position even further away and I thought I would not be bothered again by my stalker.

The last week of my life, I went to some social function in the town. A celebration with people dressed up and both inside and outside buildings was going on and I had a servant taking care of my infant son. It was the first time I'd really gone out since giving birth, and I was happy to get back to my social life. I saw friends and spoke with the wives of other men at the college where my husband worked. Everything seemed wonderful...

... and then I saw someone from my past.

I thought I saw a man who looked like an older version of the guy who dated and terrorized me years before. I stared at him and at one point he turned and looked right at me, and I was convinced it was him. My heart fell to my feet in fear. But then he turned and continued talking to someone by him in a jovial way and I decided I was mistaken. How could my stalker have found me here and now? It was impossible, wasn't it? Still, I asked around-- no one seemed to know who he was and why was I asking? He looked like someone I knew.

It was a warm evening and so I walked home with my husband from the function. I laughed and told him that I thought I saw that horrible guy from my past-- thank goodness it couldn't be him! Still, my husband picked up on my nervousness and needed to reassure me it was surely a case of someone who merely looked like him.

Normally, my husband was home in the evenings as well as a servant or two who helped around the house and with child care. However, a few days after the town celebration, there was another event just for my husband. Was he at his club? Was it a college thing? I don't recall. But he wouldn't be home until after dark, which was unusual. The servants were also gone for some reason.

I wasn't worried. I got ready for bed like normal and settled my infant son to sleep. All seemed well.

Until I heard a crash!

It was glass, probably a window or maybe from a door with glass in it? I awoke with a start, but was befuddled from sleep for a couple of minutes. The sound woke my baby, and he screamed. I got up to find out what was going on, but fear was mounting. Something felt wrong.

Then suddenly, my son's screams were cut off. There was an awful gurgling sound that went with it. By this time I was nearly to my bedroom door, and I heard some strange shuffling sounds near-by. I didn't call out. I had a terrible feeling it was my stalker. I tried to believe otherwise, but I couldn't.

I padded in bare feet to the nursery, deep dread in my heart. All was silent as I reached the crib, and I reached down to take my son in my arms. But I floundered in confusion for a second when I touched hot wetness and odd soft shapes where my baby should have been.

Then my doubt was gone. I knew my stalker had found me and killed my baby. He had tracked me down somehow. Why didn't I believe myself and take precautions? How could I have been so stupid?

My last thoughts before I was grabbed roughly from behind were of my beloved husband. He would come home to his wife and child dead by violence. He might even be falsely accused of the act! I had kept my sordid past a secret from my new friends and neighbors alike. Only my husband knew I had seen a man who looked like a threat from my past.

I don't actually know how I died, by bludgeoning or stabbing or what. It was like I "gave up" after finding my baby dead and I let go within seconds of that. Victorian ladies didn't have much of a chance of fighting back. None of us were in shape to face an attacker, let alone an armed one who came from behind us in the dark!

What haunts me is the sadness of a good life lost to an evil man. And of the innocent baby who died with me. And the innocent man who would find us and face accusations. For myself as well, because I had finally found peace and happiness, and it was all ruined. All because the man who killed me was affronted that I didn't love him back-- he scared the shit out of me almost from the time I met him. Now I know with darned good reason.


I can understand much of my character now from what I experienced then, of course. From a love of books and seashores to the pursuit of a lovely rural town full of mostly friendly people. I remember the layout of part of the home-- where the bedrooms were for sure. I've also hated and avoided "bad boys" that many girls are attracted to (Gerick was too nervous and chatty to trigger any red flags.)

I've looked for New England cold cases that match and have yet to find any. Or solved cases for that matter. I'm not sure the place and exact time, let alone anything like a NAME that would help. It was 1870s to 1880s in that life. Given that I was around 20 in a new body by 1915 or so in my next life, that means I had to be born around 1895 for that- which definitely puts a limit on when I could have died in the life before. It's also odd that I jumped from one life to another so quickly. Maybe people murdered young do that if they don't become ghosts? I have no idea, really.

I try to take the happier parts of those lives taken too young and apply them to my life now. The energy and planning and anticipation and enthusiasm I had in both lives before murder or war still linger just a little. The feeling of being in those eras and the belief in the future people had then... I don't want to give those up. But I know I've struggled with some past baggage from both lives-- or I wouldn't have them as issues now, would I? But fear of attack at night makes sense given that. And a fear of stupid people getting me killed from the war life makes sense too.

Death is not the end of our woes it would seem.

Last week, I had a devil of a time settling down to sleep. I should respect a change like that to my quiet routine that normally leads to deep and refreshing sleep with less fatigue issues and so on. I have the right medications and supplements to make decent sleep a normal thing. Therefore, when insomnia pops out of nowhere, perhaps I should pay more attention.

For a good 5 days in a row, I couldn't sleep without taking cannabis or anti-histamines. Both make me wake up groggy and muddy headed for hours the next day, so I avoid them if possible. But I was desperate by 2 or 3 in the morning for several nights in a row!

Maybe something was happening to me unawares...

I got my possible clue when something occurred out of the blue last night.

I was finishing watching a dull show before bed (which I often do.) In this case, it was Hallmark's "The Good Witch" which is an insipid series but perfect for non-triggering drama before sleep. In the middle of the episode, I started feeling watched.

We don't have all our curtains or shades yet downstairs. It's a low priority given that we're surrounded by trees and brush that render our property hard to see except from one angle on the road-- which isn't that busy. Our neighbor can see us in our kitchen if she's outside on one spot on her porch, otherwise, no one can see anything, really. However, if a person walked onto the property, they'd have free views through many windows.

Well, I suddenly felt as though someone was staring at me through the windows! It was a STRONG feeling, completely unbidden, that made no sense. I had no cannabis or anything else that could cause paranoia that night or earlier in the day or the night before for that matter. So when I got a massive case of The Dreads on top of an awareness of Presence, I started to wonder if something was up...

The Greys project a telepathic aura of Presence that invokes fear in people. Maybe it's a defense mechanism they use on purpose, or maybe they can't help projecting that Presence, but it's a distinctive feeling. My ex-husband called it "Dragon Fear" after a concept from a D & D based set of fantasy books in which the appearance of a dragon caused fear so great in humans that they were often rendered paralyzed. I think it's a great term for it myself, obviously-- because it helps explain to non-abductees what it feels like.

Meanwhile, I couldn't help noticing that all the night sounds and activity went away. In true Oz Factor fashion, the world contracted and the atmosphere grew THICK. For 2 hours straight on a Friday night of a holiday weekend, we had ZERO traffic! This is not common. Even for a rural road, we are the only way to get certain places and we have at least 5 cars an hour early at night-- and more like 30 or so Friday and Saturday nights during tourist season. Zero was not normal by a long shot-- and yet--? No cars. This observation clenched my stomach and increased my uneasiness.

It started around 10:30 which is when I generally get ready for bed. I stayed up due to the feeling of being watched until 12:30-- and the feeling stayed, and if anything, it intensified. If I could walk, I'd go outside with a flashlight and some pepper spray and walk the grounds. I see animals all the time, including predators, around at night and never have that intensely watched feeling like that, EVER. This was different-- but familiar. I've felt it before and it always sent me into an absolute PANIC.

But I didn't panic. Not this time, and not the last few times possibly alien-induced phenomena has occurred. That's an achievement for sure! I've really been working to stay calm and yet alert at these times.

I did. My heart was beating a little fast, and I was very alert and aware-- but I didn't escalate that bodily trigger into anything truly fear inducing.

As I went to my bedroom and got ready for bed, the feeling escalated even more, and I felt confrontation was imminent and texted an abductee buddy. I was likely to make a phone call, as I've promised myself to do if it seems things are going down. "Here we go..." I thought.

But then, over about 5 minutes, the Presence just... dissipated. My buddy texted back, a coyote howled several times near-by, and a couple of cars finally passed on our street! The noise and LIFE returned as the paranoid feeling vanished. This is also how things have returned to normal in the past. Everything stops and it's like all of reality is under a spell. Every human in the area except myself goes into deep sleep mode and cannot be awakened. That's why having an abductee buddy who doesn't live in my area is essential-- they are never under the same spell at the same time. It's a truly localized phenomenon.

And I was up another hour, breathing a sigh of relief, as things stayed calm and normal and fine, and I then went to sleep without any issues.

Was it a practice run? Was I just being watched for some reason? Or did coincidence, bodily sensations, and paranoia just manifest spontaneously together? I know a die-hard materialist would conclude the latter, but they don't have my set of experiences with which to judge such things. I've learned to respect reality as it comes to me, not impose my expectations upon it like a godling.

I've had no odd dreams nor bed-shaking to alert me to possible visitations, so I'm not sure what to make of this, but being a bit more aware of possible goings-on seems prudent for a few weeks.