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Jan. 16th, 2018


Sharn Has Passed On - The Luminous Fog

One reason I haven't been able to post much--? One of my roomies, Sharn, who had cancer, got very sick and was undergoing treatment (chemo and radiation both). She got an infection a month ago that put her in the hospital emergency room, then ICU. She beat the infection, somehow, and was transferred to Oncology. There, her cancer, which was slowed by the 3 treatments she'd undergone, if not put into remission-- went into overdrive. Cat has been at her mother's side, refusing to leave her hospital room, for just over 3 weeks.

Cat's vigil is over. She's coming home at some point tonight. Her mother, Sharn, died at 11:30 pm. That's when the monitors caught it in the hospital in Seattle, and that's when my laptop (the old one, granted) just shut off abruptly for no reason. It startled me, but I really thought it was another sign of my old laptop botching up (though it has never done THAT before!)

That's also when Sharn's clock stopped-- except it stopped at exactly 11:30 am today, a full 12 hours before Sharn died. I've heard of clocks stopping, but at the exact time EARLIER? It was a mantel clock Sharn always wound faithfully until she was confined to her bedroom. Cat was the last one to wind it before going to join her mother at the hospital over 3 weeks ago. The clock started up again this morning, I noticed, which was weird (it ran out its gears a few days ago) but then stopped again at that time. I thought about it (I've heard about personal wind up clocks and death) but shrugged it off.

A few minutes after my laptop died (and I started it up again without a problem) my phone rang-- and I pretty much knew...

Its the dark moon, for one thing. The day and night of death, traditionally, and well-known lore for doctors and nurses and hospice workers. For another, there was the clock thing.

For yet another, this afternoon I suddenly fell apart in a crying jag that lasted for almost an hour. I could just FEEL something, and I couldn't stop sobbing. I've felt out of it all day, but this afternoon and evening were especially bad.

Cat felt it too. We actually planned a memorial service and green burial over the phone right after that, because we were both feeling weird. She thought her mother would be gone by the weekend, but hoped it might be sooner, because Sharn was starting to feel pain towards the end, and needed some morphine to feel more comfortable, and until the day before had not needed it.

As I was on the phone with Cat talking about her mother just dying, I noticed that the light from the hallway seemed to be getting brighter and brighter. I thought it was an electric thing, so just shrugged mentally at first. Then, I realized there was a feeling of comforting Presence, and the light was coming from a sort of luminous fog or smoke that was sort of spilling into my den's doorway. I figured out what it was and excused myself from the phone call.

I stood up and approached the oddly white stuff, and realized it was more astral than physical, but I still saw it physically. The 3 young cat siblings were basking in it. I began speaking to this presence, convinced it was Sharn, although not alone-- with an escort. Mind you, I could not see figures in the fog-light, it was too dense to make out the outlines of figures, but I could FEEL them. I said my good-byes and actually walked through it to go down the hallway. Sure enough-- the fog followed and so did the kitties. I spoke for a few minutes and thanked Sharn and gave her my love and promised her that Cat and I would be okay and figure things out. I reminded her to check out the "Singing Pyramids" in the afterlife realms that I told her about. Oh-- and she was welcome to join my aunt Ruth to escort me to the other side when it was my time to cross over. As soon as I said good-bye formally, the weird bright light mist dissolved quickly and the cats, utterly nonchalant, scattered as well.

It's funny how comfortable cats are with spirits...

My impression was that Sharn knew, given all my experiences I've related to her, that I would realize what was happening and not be either too confused or scared. (Cat did not experience anything like what I did, and she was her daughter and life-long friend.) As it was, I feel I rose to the challenge and got to address her-- though everything I said was pretty much things I've made sure to say at least a couple of times over the last year. Still, it was obvious she was happy and going to a good place! It was a holy light I saw-- though I would be hard-pressed to explain how I knew beyond common cultural beliefs. Like knowing she was with a spiritual escort... that part I just knew without knowing how I knew.

Point is, I know she's okay. Still existing in a different form, and still cares enough to make sure we know she's okay, because of course I told Cat EVERYTHING. It is very reassuring, even if we'll miss her 'down here' on the material plane.

Also--? It means Cat comes home tonight. She hasn't been home in 3 weeks and it is getting lonely around here!

Jan. 7th, 2018

horrible news

Experiments Prove 4th Spatial Dimension

Found a very interesting online article:

Be sure to watch the cute video game bit at the end, it helps illustrate a few concepts.

Essentially, the article explains how several experiments confirm that a 4th spatial (that is, not time) dimension exists around the 3 dimensions we can observe and interact with now! There are effects from this 4th dimension that "cast shadows" upon our own 3 dimensions-- and some scientists were able to capture that type of effect.

Its rather exciting, isn't it? To know that another level of space actually exists! That it's even provable from our 'lower' dimension!

As someone with paranormal experiences, I think it could very well explain many, if not most, of those... Perhaps 4th dimensional beings could be Earth-bound entities we've been calling faeries and other mythical types for as long as humans have been around. Perhaps 3rd dimensional beings who had learned to utilize the 4th dimension could transverse the cosmos and visit our planet and appear as aliens. Perhaps the truth is a strange and wicked blend of the two notions. Who can say? And what about the "spiritual" dimension that involves ghosts, near-death experiences, death bed visions and provable reincarnation? Could that be the 4th or even a 5th spatial dimension?

I suppose my salient point here is that 3D Newtonian science is so boringly yesterday...  The existence of a higher spatial dimension pretty much guarantees that there is MUCH more going on than we can directly witness, and therefore many more things are possible than we mere mortals can know.

Stick THAT in your pipe and smoke it, materialist skeptics!

Nov. 3rd, 2017


At Spiral's End On Hiatus A Few Months

Due to impending move and the terminal illness of one of my roommates, I am not going to be posting regularly-- if at all-- for a few months.

I will, however, return-- and if anything new happens to me in the meantime, or anything in particular captures my attention in the news, I will post.

At the moment, all is quiet paranormal-wise, and I'm relieved, as I don't want to process the weird on top of the normal stress of my life just now.

Oct. 20th, 2017


Comparisons: My Experiences Vs Skinwalker Ranch Reports

I have a friend, I'll call him 'V', who is VERY intelligent (he's a professional mathematician-- don't ask me what that means!) who was a member of my pagan Circle for a couple of years when he was collage age. This guy has a very interesting background: father belonged to an exclusive ritualistic magick group, but he himself has mostly friends and colleagues who are scientists and heady academics, and nearly all of them are die-hard dogmatic so-called "rationalist skeptics." What that means is that he's had exposure to 'freaky' (if only in theory) but pursued a career that surrounded him with those who laugh and snerk at anything remotely interesting like the paranormal.

He goes back and forth. He'll look for hauntings or UFOs, then declare the material, mechanistic universe is all there is-- but a couple of years later get bored and depressed and dive into magickal studies or New Age enlightenment practices. Somehow, neither side seems to deliver. He's lately back on an esoteric kick and asked me to help him understand what it is he's looking for and how to up his chances for real paranormal experiences.


We've had our differences, but we've known each other over 15 years and the guy is one of the most fun people for me to talk to I've ever met. I don't have his education (especially in math-- GAH!) but I DO have loads of direct experiences on top of decades of research into the paranormal. AND-- unlike most experiencers of such, I keep journals and take meticulous notes! We met at a pagan festival where I was giving a workshop on the 4 Quarters, and I got his attention because I got it CORRECT. (West/Air/Sunset/Autumn & East/Water/Dawn/Spring- most paths mix those 2 up, which comes from a legacy left by ritual magicians to deliberately keep noobs from having too much knowledge before gaining wisdom... now everyone publishes and teaches the incorrect classification. However, simple LOGIC makes it fucking obvious! But that's a rant for another time and blog.)


He is reading books I recommend and we're discussing them via chat once every other month or so-- because trying to help him get some of what I understand would take too long otherwise. Our first book was Mothman Prophesies by John Keel, and then the one we're on now is Hunt for the Skinwalker by Kelleher & Knapp. Both discuss how supernatural events tend to come in groups together: UFO sightings and Sasquatch and weird creatures and poltergeists... the list goes on. Keel was one of the first who noticed the overlap and didn't pick one and exclude the others like most researchers do, he investigated everything together as a whole. He wondered if there was an Other Dimension that over-lapped our own during such periods. Later, billionaire Robert Bigelow funded similar research through NIDS or National Institute for Discovery Science. They bought a ranch in a Hot Spot where crazy strange things happened and documented their findings.

Due to our upcoming chats on the Skinwalker Ranch, I decided to look up what all is available more recently on the internet and found some interesting stuff...

One of the things I found intriguing was how many of the anomalies reported there are things I've come across myself during flaps of abductions, which, as I've noted, seem to cause tears in reality, allowing funky things to slip through for short periods of time.

Please pull up a tab on your browser that includes this site:

1. The Spotlight X-- nothing similar to my own experiences.

2. Flash Drones ?-- I've seen flying Orbs that seem somewhat similar, but they fly while lit and don't quite seem as mechanical. In my experiences, the orbs are only semi-physical and fuzzy-looking and range in color and size, typically whitish being an inch in diameter, yellow being tennis-ball sized, blue being grapefruit sized, orange being beach-ball sized, and red about 3 feet across. I've seen a few exceptions to this, but these are the typical ones. My cats have chased them through the house, they fly by so quickly there is never a chance to grab a camera. (At least not yet!)

3. Invisible Chopper !!--Actually, I have had encounters with this-- several times as a teenager in Oregon and a couple times when living out in the rural area of southern Ohio.

4. Mini Stealth X-- No comparisons.

5. Giant Bullet Proof "Wolves" !!-- I've had some freaky encounters with DOGS, but not wolves. I've had Rotweilers chase me across an entire small town while I rode in a car, for example. I've also had multiple weird random encounters with giant black rabbits-- which DO exist as a domestic breed. But I see them while hiking in the woods or on the side of the road or in cemeteries. Maybe nothing, who knows? But I've had a few strange animal sightings or interactions that were completely eerie.

6. The Controllers ?-- I've overheard and interacted with weird voices heard over normal broadcast TVs and radios, but they sometimes speak English and once (at age 14) spoke about me and then addressed me directly. Don't recall hearing outside above my head-- but at Windy Firs, my ex husband and a friend heard something similar above their heads outside sounding like a walkie-talkie, but in a strange language.

7. The Dark Native !!-- Obviously not the same guy, but ONCE while hiking in forest in Hocking Hills a Shawnee native wrapped in a deep blue blanket manifested very clearly (and looked me in the eye) about 30 feet away and then faded out. I wrote about that encounter, and it seemed connected to my studies with Nahili, who was a medicine woman of the Shawnee. She and I would experience paranormal flaps around the same time (we lived 5 minutes from each other) and even on the same days.

More on that here: spirals-end.livejournal.com/20532.html

8. Disembodied Girl Voice !!--I've been hearing ghost voices off and on for MANY years. Any property with a spirit gets seen and/or heard. The last two places I've lived have no ghosts, ironically not even at the Ghost Lake house!

9. "Firefly Sprites"/Earth Lights X-- no equivalents in my experience. Sounds like a version of Will O'the Wisp, but unlike the Orbs, which fly around intelligently, these just manifest out of the ground, float up, and disappear about 8 feet up.

10. Water Babies ?-- The summers of 1988 and '89 when I was working as a Girl Scout Camp counselor at a sleep-away camp in the Columbia River Gorge, I had several weird experiences with something that sounded EXACTLY like a human baby crying. It made the hair on back of my neck stand up and I felt crazy high levels of fear from hearing it, though! It only happened when I was alone in an area, and the one time I investigated, it led me to a water tower on the grounds of the camp. It was on the ground level (you didn't have to climb scaffolding to get to the tower-- it was already on a high hill). I went towards the tower, and it sounded like the baby was behind it, so I went around-- and the sound MOVED to stay just out of sight! Then it quit and I was confused-- but then I heard the crying coming from above me like the baby was on TOP of the tower! At that point, I knew it was no baby and ran for my life! After that, when I heard it, it was always coming towards me from the direction of the water tower-- and the thing is, no baby that young sounding could... move that fast! So I was understandably freaked out. I never before equated that baby crying sound with WATER. A water tower no less! Weird...

11. Cthulhu Slug or Snake  ?--  Had a couple of encounters with fuzzy-buzzing black long 'socks-filled-with-air' looking fast snake things that manifested, felt like moving static electricity and fizzed out of existence again. Both times right after being transported by aliens, so I assume there is a connection with that.

12. Glow Birds X-- no comparisons.

13. Orange Football X-- I've seen several UFOs but not any that are close to this type with red plasma flames, etc.

14. Sentient Mist !!!--  I call it Black Smoke Critter. I've seen this in Ohio 1992-'93 flap, and then again in Oregon apartment in '98-'99 flap (reports upcoming!) It appeared and then floated along the floor in a cat-sized sort of bunch of black cotton-looking 'stuff.' Around the same time, we started to see look-alike cat phantoms that mimicked our pets, but looked fuzzy around the edges and had no legs. I find this to be really intriguing. I NEVER heard of a single report of black smoke monsters (not counting the fictional show 'Lost' anyways!) like my own until coming across things associated with Skinwalker Ranch. Wow!

15. The Portals X-- I WISH I had seen such a thing! It sounds fascinating!

When you put it all together, it really makes me curious. There is something to this dimensions crossing thing, I'm sure of it. My own guess is that at the Skinwalker Ranch, there is a crossroads of sorts there. In my own case, as I've moved multiple times in my life, the alien abduction syndrome has followed me. I think the aliens use technology that warps reality and there are side effects from this. But, regardless, it is well worth continuing to study!

Oct. 13th, 2017


Other Abductees In Oregon (1993-'95)

Gerick and I moved across the country, traveling by car from Ohio to Oregon, pulling a small trailer with all our possessions behind us. We were leaving our abduction support system behind in the East, so Budd Hopkins gave us information to join an Intruders Foundation support group in the Portland area.

To begin with, we were delighted, and participated eagerly with the group that was already established there. However, as time passed, things became more and more political and dramatic between us and the woman who ran the support group. I am not going to re-hash all that melodrama, however. Suffice it to say that PTSD can make any awkward situation potentially explosive. In addition, I was still very young and responded unwisely a couple of times. Gerick handled some things better than I did, and some things worse. We didn't realize until it was too late that there was even an issue. We were with the group for a little over 2 years.

What I want to share instead is what I noticed about the dozen or so regulars who attended the support group meetings (and later, dinners) and how our sharing our memories and personal issues allowed me to learn more about abductees as a group. We had regular contact for several years with those abductees and some stayed friends with us for over a decade, while others faded out over time. I learned a lot from that brave band of people.

Before studies were widely published on commonalities between abductees, I learned many of them first-hand. Many of us shared issues that were quite disturbing:

~ All of us had terrible problems sleeping as children, due to 'nightmares' and fears of something. Most of us slept in, under, or next to our parents' beds well beyond when such behavior is considered normal-- not stopping until somewhere between 15 and 17 years old!  We were all embarrassed by our own behavior then, but the fear at night was so strong that sometimes we simply couldn't bear to be in a room alone. Many of us who had the opportunity to have a room of our own soon discovered that sharing with a sibling was better than being alone at night as well, and moved back in with a sibling after trying a few weeks of having a room to ourselves. (Sometimes siblings were included in abductions and sometimes not.) This was true for boys as well as girls, although the boys were shamed for their night time fears much more.

~ Anxiety and fear were constants for everyone in the group. There wasn't a single abductee who didn't deal with horrendous issues that today are labeled as Complex Developmental PTSD. For most, before 'catching' an actual alien around while totally awake and remembering it, the source of anxiety was a stubborn mystery. We all had these strange incidents and nightmares and missing time-- and we all had trouble identifying what the problem was in our past. Everyone had wondered if they were being harassed by hostile spirits or demons or some secret human agency of some kind. Some even wondered if they were victims of ritual abuse! And of course we ALL wondered if we were completely crazy with childhood onset schizophrenia. Except-- there was no evidence for any of that (even weird encounters with actual ghosts or entities seemed to demonstrate THAT wasn't it!)

The anxiety was not, however, reduced upon discovering the actual problem, as each one of us had to face that we were dealing with something for which there was NO help. No medicine or treatment. No human authorities who could intervene and stop the abductions. In addition, we all knew that our discoveries would be doubted and ridiculed by many, and so we became very emotionally isolated. We all had to keep what we found a secret-- because we found that people we counted on for support rejected us for telling the truth. For many, a researcher or two and the fellow abductees in the support group were the only ones who knew.

~ Abductees were NOT able to keep this secret from long-term live-in lovers or spouses, because inevitably-- these people witnessed very odd things, including aliens or landed UFOs-- and they either ran away and left the abductee or became involved. About half of the abductees in our group were paired with another abductee, and several spouses who were not lifelong abductees soon became abductees as well, as the aliens took advantage of the situation. ALL the children of abductees became abductees themselves without exception, although it seems families with multiple children would have alien 'favorites' who were taken more often.

~ Considering this dynamic, entire families were often in an ongoing state of secrecy and siege. They and their children were being taken by aliens semi-regularly, dealing with 'side effect' issues (extra psychic sensitivity, poltergeists, strange harassment, etc.) AND trying to act normal and avoid rejection by relatives, neighbors, co-workers, and friends. It was a difficult life to negotiate, we all agreed! Parents who were abductees were especially anguished over how to protect their children, and when to admit that aliens were involved, and how to get the kids to NOT talk about all the weirdness they experienced to their peers who would reject them for it. Often, the kids knew more of what the aliens were doing than the parents and sometimes it was the kids who discovered abductions were happening to begin with!

~ Nearly every abductee had reproductive or genital issues-- as in, something being not normal. Some men had strange holes in the skin of their penis-- like healed over piercings-- that would spiral in tubes going ALL the way around as if to accommodate a mechanical semen collection device. Every woman had tiny, short scars on her lower belly or inside her navel from multiple egg collections. Some women had weird scars on the inside of their labia or around  the clitoris. Issues with twisted fallopian tubes, ovarian cysts, and uterine scarring were common as well. Many women ended up getting hysterectomies by middle age, although it seemed as though damage to reproductive organs were more of an issue for the older abductees than the younger ones by the mid-1990s.

~ Every single abductee (but one) had staggeringly powerful phobias of dentists and doctors, and especially gynecological procedures! Not a one of us made appointments easily and had to be pushed to get even routine medical and dental care. Most of us didn't develop these fears until sexual maturity hit in our teens. Gerick seemed to be the only real exception to this in the room, and many were amazed his own alien experiences hadn't dominated him in this way. We all commiserated about this issue, which led to some dangerous self-neglect in some cases. Most of us needed to have a buddy to go into medical and dental offices with us. We were all embarrassed at being unable to overcome our fears, and had further fears of melting down sobbing or freaking out and getting violent in public in such situations-- usually because we already had!

~ All of us were very ecologically minded. Loving nature and often tree huggers or vegetarians. Gerick and I thought it was interesting that even those who came from Christian or materialist backgrounds were at least semi-pagan in the way they lived philosophically. Everyone was deeply concerned about the biosphere of the Earth and felt that humanity had put nature under siege. Many felt that humanity was like a cancer on the planet and mourned more for the loss of non-human life than for human tragedies on the news.

~ Everyone had at least partial memories of attending 'classes' or watching presentations put on by the aliens addressing the inevitable future we were facing due to human foolishness. We all knew that the climate was going to go nuts within ten to twenty years (though timelines were vague, definitely in the lifespan of even the middle-aged abductees.) In addition, many felt that other massive Earth changes could happen at any time and at a higher rate than normal, like earthquakes and volcanoes. Most studied weather and geology as amateurs quite raptly, and some had taken classes in college for these subjects as well. It was mixed as to who was really obsessed with what, but when it came to the natural cycles of the Earth, and what could go wrong, most had at least a side-obsession with these types of topics, even if such interests didn't fit our personality otherwise.

~ Many recalled being told of coming cataclysms and had vivid dreams or memories of being shown disaster after disaster. Natural disasters dominated, but wars were shown as well, including nuclear wars. No one was sure if they were predictions, warnings, or tests of our reactions by the aliens, and there was quite a bit of controversy as to the meaning of it all by abductees. We felt these communications with the aliens were very important, but no one was sure what to do with the information.

~ We were a mixed group in some ways. Portland is very white, so everyone was white, but it seemed people came from all socio-economic classes, all different education levels and careers, and all different personal tastes. Few stood out visually, looks-wise, in any way. Some of the younger abductees in their twenties or the children of abductees were extra fine-boned and slender, with intense gazes-- but not always. Some had Celtic bloodlines, many didn't. Some had Native American bloodlines, many didn't. There was no "perfect abductee" despite several researchers insisting otherwise in the media at the time. At larger gatherings where several support groups came together, that was brought home even more-- all different races, classes, and lifestyles. The stereotype of the dumb redneck with missing teeth was a total fabrication of the media who desperately wanted to think there was nothing to our experiences.

~ Yet physically there were some more subtle nearly universal commonalities. Most had lower than normal body temperatures, from 94 to 96 degrees F as opposed to the more normal 98 or 99 degrees. Most had really high salt diets, yet struggled with abnormally low blood pressure until middle age. Digestive problems were very common, with celiac's disease, crohn's, irritable bowel syndrome and ulcers far more common than normal. Many in the group suffered from strange immune system defects of various kinds, and about a third or more seemed to have Fibromyalgia and/or Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. Several families had issues with rare nerve diseases. There were slightly more bloodtype ABs than normal, and quite a few more negative Rh-- which was just beginning to be looked at by the early 90s.

~ Nearly all abductees had substantially higher I.Q.s than normal. The range for those who had been tested by experts (this was before online tests) was from the 120s to 140s for most, with a few in the 150s and lower 160s range. One woman claimed she had been tested at 181! Some who didn't know their I.Q. took a long version published from a book together, which was scored by a researcher, and this pattern held. Everyone was smart, no exceptions-- at least not in the support groups. Statistically, this was completely abnormal. The local Portland researcher, who had a house full of books and attended some meetings to compile data and ask questions, reported to us that the chances of finding a diverse group of people from all walks of life to have an average I.Q. of 135 (after you took all scores into consideration) given that middle class white people have a median range of 110 (due to privilege)-- was unbelievably high. Also, it seemed obvious that successive generations of abductees were smarter than previous ones. Children were almost always more clever than their parents. When those in the group went back to find the "first alien-contact generation" however, looking at parents, grandparents and great grandparents, it seemed the very first generation was statistically average across the board. In general, the longer a family had been 'followed' for generations by aliens, the worse the health problems got and the higher the intelligence quotient. (I've noticed the bad health trend seems to be getting better over the last 20 years-- but more data is needed on that, as my contact with younger abductees is limited.)

~ Finally, most abductees were at least slightly 'psychic' and often had periods of time where their sensitivities and talents in this direction were enhanced (during intensive abduction flaps in particular.) These 'extraordinary' talents came in all flavors and often overlapped. Some had precognitive dreams, some could sense the history of objects by touching them, some could read minds a tiny bit, some could see auras or hear spirits, some could heal a little by touch. There was a lot of exploration and curiosity about this aspect of our lives, and it could be both exciting and frightening to deal with and share. It, along with the intelligence issue, smacked a little uncomfortably with ego fulfillment wish fantasies, and none of us wanted to go there, appearing to be delusional and needing to be 'special'. Yet so much of the abduction experience sucked that it was a relief to find something not so horrible-- although some abilities like dreaming of people dying before they do isn't really a talent most would want if they had a choice!

There was a lot of lively discussion, including wild speculation and devil's advocating for the idea we were all off our rocker! There was inside joke laughter and choking tears. But relating to all the similarities with strangers who had so many of the exact same problems was immensely helpful. We traded tips and tricks for how to handle certain situations and were "abduction buddies" for each other-- which meant being available to be called at 2 am if someone was having aliens invading and they needed a safe place to freak out and maybe get some help (since aliens tended to put people around the abductee safely 'out'.) It meant that when evidence was left, you could show it to someone and be taken seriously. It was a resource to compare notes with and during high activity periods it kept one sane.

Which is why, when the leader of the meetings began creating issues and turning people against one another, it was so devastating. Gerick and I stayed friends 'on the down-low' with those members who didn't want to get into a confrontation with the woman we were having a dispute with, but we were hurt that by staying out of it, they were at least appearing to side with her. Silence benefits the bully, as they say. Later, a few expressed their regret for not being more confrontational themselves. Gerick and I were the only ones who stuck to our guns (regarding eating meat, of all things) and later, when more drama happened after we left, it became more obvious who was instigating the drama. Like I said, I wasn't the wisest person at that age. I tended to speak my mind freely when discretion would be more prudent. By the end, I was tired enough of the relentless pressure on everyone in the group to conform to one person's dietary restrictions that I made some insensitive statements at a bad time-- and everything blew up in my face!

Sadly, it seems that our experiences of a support group of this kind were not entirely unique. By reports from abductees across the country I've learned that more often than we'd like, a "true believer" in one thing or another may step in and disrupt an entire dynamic, trying to convince everyone to agree with them that they are this or that or that the aliens are this or that and they simply won't tolerate disagreement. A good moderator who has a cool temperament and knows how to handle fragile and overwrought people with deep shame issues is crucial, and not many abduction support groups had the luxury of that sort of leadership.

Still, for the most part, I don't regret most of the people I met or anything that I learned. It gave me perspective that was greatly needed and allowed me to meet some very compassionate, intelligent and interesting people and I'll always be grateful for that!

Oct. 6th, 2017


Photos of Something "Other"

This week, I decided to take a break talking about my own memories, and instead share some very interesting photos by another abductee who is a friend of mine.

I will call her "Melinda" here, though that is not her name. She lives in the United States, though more towards the middle and south. We've been talking regularly for a couple of years at this point and I trust her. She's very kind, sensitive, and down to earth. She loves dogs and has an adult son. Like me, she has both chronic health issues and Complex PTSD. She and her son are both abductees, and from mid-spring to very recently have been having constant visits and abductions and intrusions.

I've talked about what happens during flaps-- or active periods of visitations. After a certain point, all of reality in the area starts to break apart and "leaks" from other times? places? worlds? pop in and out. In Melinda's case, it seems a portal was made into her kitchen for hybrids to come through-- and now they have poltergeists and all the fun that comes with those.

One of the things Melinda has been doing is taking photos of areas where she just feels a presence. She'll take several in a row, just to see if anything shows up-- and recently something odd did appear in some photos, which I'll share here.

Three of those photos showed an odd white oval of something that was moving from the street towards her house. It moved upwards as it got closer to the house. She took the pictures from her back yard and the thing was on the other side of the fence, so it is difficult to make out. It was also moving, as was she, so the photos are mostly blurred.

The dark pink circles show the anomaly in question, here are two:

One, however, is a little clearer:

Its higher up than the others, and just has a double exposure creating the blur, so you can make out some possible features. Using the double parts to pick it apart, several things become more clear:

~ You can see it has a skinny body with arms and shoulders
~ It may be wearing a sort of vest with a wide collar, pinkish, next to white skin
~ It seems to have a muscular neck, but the head is smaller than expected
~ It seems to show a human-like ear
~ There's a strange line going around the face that makes it look like a MASK
~ There are thick, short, fake looking eyebrows that go like THIS --> /  \   above deep-set eyes
~ It seems to have a sort of plain, black, button-like fake nose
~ It has a fake-looking, thin, exaggerated smile with no lips
~ This being, though it showed in photos, was entirely invisible to Melinda-- so why a mask??


You'll notice right away it does NOT look like a grey of any kind-- no bulbous head or huge eyes. It has a discernable ear, which none of the grey races possess. And what the FUCK is with the cartoon-like animal MASK!?!?! I mean, it looks like something freaky out of a child's nightmare where it's supposed to be cute, but ends up just creepy as hell? Yeah...

Granted, I'm likely reading a lot into this, but maybe I'm not the only one who sees it? (Feel free to offer your own interpretations on this...)

This seems like more of a fae or other dimensional type of being to me, but I can only guess. It obviously doesn't look like anything normal or expected.

The quality of the photos means they couldn't be used as any kind of proof, and I only submit them here because I've known Melinda for a while now and she questions everything. She doesn't know what it is and doesn't claim to know. She had a weird feeling that something was there and took several shots with her phone on the off chance that she might catch something. She did-- but when you cannot even see something visually, getting a clear shot is impossible.

Still, it is VERY interesting and may be useful for comparison later if anyone else ever sees or photographs something similar. I know I'll be scratching my head over this one for years.

Sep. 29th, 2017


Coping Methods For Alien Abductions: Observing Odd Obsessions

I've mentioned briefly before that yet another strange symptom of alien abductions pertains to obsessions. Specifically, getting spontaneous obsessions that defy explanation. One day you just wake up keen to look into something more or to repeat a behavior compulsively. Of course, this is with the caveat that the abductee/experiencer in question does not normally suffer from O.C.D. or Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. (And, again- I'm not a professional doctor or counselor so don't sue me for discussing this!)

A deeper explanation of that HERE-->  beyondocd.org/ocd-facts/clinical-definition-of-ocd

Abduction-related obsessions and compulsions spring up seemingly out of nowhere one day, but upon closer inspection always after an alien-influenced experience. Sometimes the obsession or compulsion fits what one would expect perfectly for such a scenario. For example:

Typical abductee obsessions (repeating ideas)

~ big-eyed kid drawings or figurines              ~ babies & pregnancy
~ UFOs & aliens                                            ~ owls & other large-eyed animals
~ the paranormal in general                          ~ missing time experiences
~ possible catastrophic futures                     ~ thinking one is adopted
~ feeling of having a mysterious mission       ~ fear of people wearing big sunglasses

Typical abductee compulsions (undeniable urges to action)

~ checking locks, doors before bed              ~ needing lights, TV on to sleep
~ visiting site of previous abduction              ~ wanting to avoid bed or sleep
~ looking up UFOs/aliens in media               ~ prepping for possible disasters
~ checking the time at night                          ~ studying ecological systems

Once someone realizes he or she is an abductee, it explains a lot of oddball ideas and behaviors. It's all a part of what soon becomes a very obvious pattern. Sometimes, just knowing where an obsession or compulsion is coming from is enough to lessen its power.

However, not all obsessions or compulsions stemming from abductions are so easily identified. Sometimes, the thoughts and urges are so incredibly mystifying that it becomes disturbing. Interestingly, most "average" OCD thoughts and practices are easily explained by the one who suffers from them as attempts to ward off bad things like germs or sin. Even if the sufferer has good insight and knows they are being irrational, they can still point to their reasons for recurring thoughts and behaviors. Not so for the spontaneous version that abductees get! Instead, quite often they find themselves thinking or doing things that make NO sense and they have no idea where such thoughts and impulses are even coming from!

Here's just a partial list of some of the stranger things I've heard about and/or dealt with myself:

Oddball Obsessions & Compulsions

~ spiders & bees (shape or how they move or hive-life)           
~ uncooked chicken eggs (keeping them or the cord-thing on yolk)
~ twins or clones or multiple selves             
~ taking hundreds (or thousands) of photos of the same location
~ impossible psychic abilities                      
~ knowing exactly who their 'soulmate' is in detail and searching for them
~ analyzing weather systems
~ needing to find a place of safety to ride out coming dire future
~ analyzing financial systems
~ alternative timeline scenarios or alternative dimensions
~ subverting brainwashing techniques
~ interior decorating
~ time/space bending portals                      
~ fear of children, especially babies, to the point of panic
~ watching hours of videos of people moving in fast-motion (think Benny Hill chase scene)
~ cooking & baking
~ mathematical or chemical formulas
~ tornadoes or vortexes, even filling a tub and pulling plug again and again
~ wanting to attack people who stare at them
~ feeling watched and that everyone knows their thoughts/feelings

In all cases, the obsessions didn't "fit" into other areas of the person's life. For example, if an abductee suddenly felt the urge to learn cooking and baking, to the point of it taking hours of free time, when they have never cared about it before and nothing has happened to inspire such an interest like a show or a friend's enthusiasm. Topics that don't match one's education levels or personal interest will just suddenly intrude and take over a significant portion of someone's life completely out of the blue.

Except-- it really isn't "out of the blue," it is only that the influence has not been consciously remembered. Quite often, if memories of abductions are reacquired, the explanation for the sudden obsession or compulsion is quite neatly explained.

Examples from my own life would include interior decorating becoming an obsession since my teens, even though I am NOT an "arts n' crafts" kind of person. The reason was that one of my assigned jobs with the aliens was decorating housing that they built on ships for either hybrids or abductees. They wanted comfortable and aesthetically pleasing living arrangements created, and I got the job with no regard for my natural talents or interests. (The concept of compatible assignments for individuals hasn't really penetrated the Greys' hive-like society yet, so jobs are most often assigned randomly.)

Sometimes the obsession or compulsion is induced artificially by the aliens, but quite often it seems to spring from a powerfully suppressed memory that niggles the conscious mind enough to bother it profoundly. "There's something about ______ that I need to understand!" the mind may insist, and, because trauma (and, to be fair, WONDER) are unable to be processed in a normal manner, the mental energy gets expressed... differently.

This is yet another reason why abductees often fear they are crazy. They wonder how they could revolve their thoughts around such fears or fascinations or why they feel compelled to do things over and over again. It is yet another source of worry and stress on an already overly burdened life.

These obsessions and compulsions, however, DO tend to fade. They may develop into a fun hobby (as my interior decorating obsession did) or disappear altogether. They can also spontaneously start up again, or totally new thoughts and behaviors may manifest instead of or alongside the old ones. But something outside the self, remembered or not, sparks their creation.

Being aware of this aspect of the Alien Abduction Syndrome is important, not only to help abductees accept themselves, but also to assist them in identifying when another possible flap has begun. A sudden flare up of an old obsession or compulsion, or a brand new one, are nearly always signs that the aliens are coming around again.

Sep. 22nd, 2017


In the Domain of the Logcabin Witch, Pt 2: Leave the Light On (Spring '93)


Gerick and I had not been to Brandi's for several months by the time this next incident occurred. It was to be the very last time we housesat for his friend, and it stands out rather dramatically.

After another incident involving a square portal on the west kitchen wall of our apartment (street side) Gerick was apparently told to move to Oregon. He became obsessed with saving money and preparing to cross the country to live in my home state. He couldn't remember the particulars of that meeting, only that they brought up the subject, and now he found himself highly motivated. I was rather relieved to return to my native stomping grounds, so I helped where I could, finding a regular job doing daycare.

[Oddly enough, when we moved back to Ohio ten years later in 2003, the aliens once more intervened to send us back to Oregon three years after our move. Why would the aliens keep sending us back to one location? I'll be discussing this more in a later post.]

This time, Gerick and I spent the weekend at Brandi's cabin alone. No friends or parties-- just the two of us relaxing in nature and enjoying the spring. Our first night was uneventful, and I hoped we'd actually have an incident-free weekend.

However, that was not to be...

Our second night, we retired to bed and all seemed normal-- until I awoke to the sound of a man quietly murmuring to Gerick to wake up! I felt drowsy and sluggish, but another part of me went into high alert. I heard Gerick respond and the other man was quietly telling him it was time to go. Gerick very obediently complied, asking where they were going and why, as I fought to move unsuccessfully. I felt the bed shift as Gerick stood and then listened to the sounds of both men leave the room and go downstairs and out the front door.

Time passed, and I fell asleep again. An hour or two later, I awoke fully and looked around, remembering the man coming and taking Gerick away. I felt the other side of the bed and Gerick was gone. I rolled over and sat up-- the bedside lamp was left on, because like many abductees, I couldn't sleep in the dark. I could clearly see that my boyfriend was not physically present. Oddly, the single earring he normally wore all the time was left upon the bedside table.

I blinked, got up, and checked the entire cabin and outside the front and back doors. Gerick was no where to be seen. It was very chilly outside at night and I doubted he would leave for a stroll in those temperatures! Once more, I noted the dogs seemed in coma-like deep sleep and didn't even stir when I touched or spoke to them.

Too tired to be truly scared, I made my way back to bed and laid down, wondering when the human aliens, or whoever they were, would bring Gerick back. I drifted off sometime later.

When I next awoke, is was to the sound of voices and footsteps coming up the stairs. It was Gerick and the same guy that woke him up. I noted for the first time how similar their voices were, with the other man having a slightly deeper tonality than Gerick had. They were talking about being quiet because I was such a light sleeper! (Jeez-- ya think?) Gerick took off clothes again and continued talking to the one I now know as The Dark Doppleganger Dude-- because he looks a great deal like Gerick-- almost a twin-like alien version of him or something. As they quietly spoke to one another, mainly Gerick talking about his mundane, everyday life, I actually began to drift off. The whole episode was nearly over, and I wasn't going to be bothered, so my fear diminished completely.

But then the light went out!

Immediately, adrenaline rushed through me and I awoke with a start! My eyes flew open to look upon the darkness, and I froze in fear!

The Dark Dude made a mistake. The light was always left on and it was on when he arrived. He was the one who turned it off. Gerick corrected him, saying these exact words: "Uh- hey! Leave the light on! Lucy's scared of the dark so we always have one on. If she wakes up and the lamp is off, she'll freak out."

The light clicked on again, and I heard that other voice say, "Oh! I'm sorry! I don't want her to be scared." Then they said good-bye to one another as if they were old friends who went for rides on spaceships every day, and once more I listened as footsteps went down and then out the front door and into the cold pre-dawn. I felt stunned to my core.

Once I felt the coast was clear, I sat up and shook Gerick. He awoke easily and I told him he'd just been returned from some activity with one of the human ones. He looked at me funny, but then he remembered talking to someone with dark hair. He put his hand up to his earlobe and asked where his earring was but soon found it on the table beside the bed. He couldn't figure out why he would take his earring out-- and he told me he'd taken it out before when he was with the human aliens. Was it because it was metal? Was it because he was a different person when with them-- someone who wouldn't wear an earring? He didn't know.

Sadly, he remembered little else, just enough to know I was telling him the truth about what I witnessed. He felt the visitor was close to him, like a brother or a best friend. It wasn't like the feelings he had for the tall Nordic he saw regularly who seemed "higher" up and inspired adoration and near awe. Dark Dude was like family to Gerick, and the relationship more casual.

For myself, I felt oddly reassured that whoever this mysterious guy was who invaded Brandi's cabin, he sounded genuinely remorseful at the idea of scaring me by turning the lamp off. It was only a few seconds of witnessed interaction that I was basing my feelings upon, but my fear level went down several notches after hearing that one of these strange guys actually gave a damn.

For the next few months, activity slowed considerably. Gerick and I weren't bothered for a while and so we began to develop more normal sleeping schedules and stopped being so paranoid and obsessed about visitors. We busied ourselves with the move to Oregon and come summer, we crossed the country.

Sep. 15th, 2017


Memory of A Hybrid Woman In My Living Room (March 2006)

One morning this week I was lazing in bed, awake beyond a doubt, but just musing to myself. Very relaxed, and not thinking about anything in particular. Then my cat, Jazz, jumped up and settled in next to me and I pet her distractedly.

And spontaneously, without any other prompting than my cat, I had this quick flash of a memory of seeing her skittering along the floor, scared to death, sort of low to the ground but still moving fast...

... Huh? What?...

Then it came, a few seconds of memory, clear and bright...

I had just been returned by greys. I was standing in the living room, not far from the front door, in the cabin I lived in from 2006 thru 2007 in Ohio. Someone unseen but 'felt' was behind me by the back door out to the deck, but we had just come in the front door.

Standing before me was a very short woman, maybe up to my shoulders. She appeared to be a hybrid, with huge eyes and wearing one of those black wigs with bangs and some sort of dark coveralls. Since the woman did not look 'normal' I don't think it was a cover memory.

I was upset. The hybrid woman was hostile towards me. She didn't like me and the feeling was rather mutual. I'm thinking this was the one I named Diana as a child-- she and I began fighting when I was in my 20s. She always seemed bitchy and treated me in this high-handed way that I could never stomach. Anyway, it was either her or someone just like her, facing me.

I got distracted when I saw a cat, a large, dark one, skulking and running behind the hybrid woman, close to the floor in a way that only a very freaked out cat will run. Following the cat with my eyes allowed me to break the eye contact and mental power the hybrid had over me for a few seconds.

She knew what I was watching, of course, being telepathic. I said, "Yeah, my cat doesn't like you either!"

That's where the memory ends.

That was rather shocking and stark! I had to be sure to write it down, even though of course at the time I have the flashback I don't feel like I can forget it again-- but experience has taught me that my expectations are overly optimistic. Memories of the aliens are very slippery things, and this is not by accident. Memories recovered later can be lost again.

I had not recalled seeing Diana during my 30s at ALL before this. I had some vague memory of there being a confrontation on a ship where she was watched with me and found to be lacking professionalism when it came to me and taken off my 'case' or something. I couldn't tell if that memory was a staged show or test (which they do a LOT of) or a real thing that happened. I know that though I saw her a lot as a child, teen, and young adult-- I feel now quite certain I haven't seen her in at least a decade. Maybe this memory was of the last time. Maybe that's why that visit seemed so different.

I think it may be connected to THIS memory, where I woke up massively freaked out, but also pissed off:


Be sure to read comments to get more details!

Please note that the front door WAS actually physically open, so at least some portion of the events were real, not just mental projections or dreams. Something happened that night, but reality itself was a little 'off' as well.

Also, when I awoke in bed to the "little girl's" voice, I knew it was a hybrid and not a little girl. They can sometimes sound like children or have freaky high voices because they have a narrow neck and larynx. Anyway, the rest of the story that I did not tell then to LJ, though I spoke to others about it, was that I heard that line and I was absolutely FURIOUS! I was freaked out and scared regarding the strong memory of seeing the front door left open when I knew I had locked it closed, but I also knew I had just returned from somewhere and I was pissed at the female who chided me. I was affronted that she would tie an alien abduction to going to heaven, and also that I was not "good", and ALSO that SHE had the right to judge me on any of it!

A LOT of things happened that led up to this point. Both Gerick and I had 2 bouts of flu, back to back, while we were attempting to move to the cabin from the house I called The Box that we had rented up until then. I had a miscarriage after the second flu, and then I was having these horrific cluster headaches (around my right eye) for hours at a time that were so bad I was banging my head on the wall for the momentary relief of a split second. (No shit-- those headaches are THAT bad!) I had never had cluster headaches before then. Gerick took me to the local rural hospital, but they just gave me painkillers-- they didn't even examine my eye! I looked up remedies for cluster headaches and read that marijuana could help, and we knew plenty of people who had it, so I got some -- and a couple of tokes ended my cluster headache in less than 10 minutes! It also proved to be a quick cure for any subsequent ones, which were exceedingly rare after that February/March period.

SO-- as you can read, I had smoked some weed before events of this particular night, but it was mild stuff, and I took a puff or two. I had not consumed enough to hallucinate or have the weird effects I had that night. I realize for those who don't ever take the stuff, this may seem confusing or iffy, and I understand that. But it's like having a half glass of wine--  not enough to make you drunk, just a little relaxed. And in my case, I wasn't taking it to get high, only to stop the headaches that make migraines seem like a picnic in the park with teddy bears!

I believe Jazz helped me remember seeing Kira, Gerick's fat black cat, running from the aliens in the living room. They are of a similar enough build. (I got Jazz from the stray cats who lived under the cabin, so at the point where I think this happened, she wasn't yet born. She was born the winter of 2006/2007.) Still, I think it's very odd for that to be a memory prompt, but who am I to complain?

As you can read for yourself, I was thinking (hoping) that it was just a dream, or a spirit thing. Its a case of denial. I knew darned well that the "fairy lights" always and only come around with the aliens! I was totally going around that. Too-- at the time I wasn't as open about being an abductee in public, and so I was trying to explain some suspicious events in a way others could 'take' it, if that makes sense?

My being pregnant, getting the flu, and then the cluster headaches, probably prompted the aliens to check up on me. They always wanted me to have kids, and there I almost did (for the third and last time) and yet again it didn't work out. (A lot of women with CFIDS don't successfully bear children.) The second round of flu also really worked out my heart. I had one night where I was sure I was going to die, my heart was pounding so fast and hard-- like I was running a marathon for hours! I can now understand why the flu kills older people who then die of heart attacks--! Um, yeah... Scary!

So I have to wonder, if the timeline matches, if Diana was angry at me for my bad health (which wasn't my fault) or for something else that happened that got her kicked off my case. I have no idea. I only have one more small piece of memory to add to what is more holes than swiss cheese, so the best I can do is speculate. It feels right to place this in March of 2006.

Amusingly, because it was before I had put 2 and 2 together, I had noted at the time that we had all this weird activity when we first moved, after I unpacked, and then it stopped after a few weeks. I thought maybe it was due to magickal stuff I either was or was not doing. HA! Wrong! We had an alien intrusion-- that was why we had all the strange poltergeistic activity-- and then They stopped coming for a while and things died back down.

Incidentally, it was while I lived in that cabin that I finally put it all together. I had ideas and hints before that the aliens 'broke' reality in some odd ways that caused side effects from way back in 1992 as I've recently shared. However, I second-guessed myself and really needed a couple more examples before I was firmly convinced. And for many years, when I shared these experiences online, I hedged and termed events as dreams half the time, even when I was awake. I apologize for any confusion this creates.

Sep. 9th, 2017

horrible news

Apocalytpic Weather: The Unprepared Heart

[I have a more personal article this week, after fires destroyed an area VERY close to where I lived recently for 8 years. The Eagle Creek fire, started by a 15 year old boy tossing fireworks into a bone dry canyon in one of the most popular hiking areas in Oregon, burned a huge picturesque region of the western Columbia River Gorge. I felt, and still feel, pretty devastated.]

I've said that it's very difficult to remember what the aliens tell us. That is by design, of course. We're not being set up to be messengers-- so those that come to you bearing gifts of wisdom from on high should be examined a bit more skeptically. The aliens don't seem to have much interest in causing change to the human world by inspiring nor threatening humans as a whole. They have another plan, which I suspect involves more direct contact, even if by proxy. They don't care about our governments and authorities (beyond dodging them most of the time). I have the sense that it was considered too late to change for human societies by the 1980s anyways.

However, we are set up to be survivors. They need most of us alive later, supposedly, for this particular future involving hybrids. I know that I and many others have attended "classes" since childhood. We're taught a lot of things. I can only guess by how my interests shifted after attending a grouping of such lessons what they may have entailed. I, like many other abductees, tend to develop obsessions after repeated contact with the aliens. These obsessions vary by individuals for the most part, as if we're each prepared for different jobs to come at a later time, but there are some broad themes I've seen pop up repeatedly. Again, I tend to believe this is to enable us to be more flexible towards possibly life-threatening situations they foresaw.

I'll be discussing these topics in more depth later, but given the news lately I wanted to touch on a few of them in this post. A great many of us are being affected by weather extremes just now, and it therefore seems appropriate to address.

One of the repeating themes most of us seem to encounter are expectations of extreme weather events and geological upheaval. Some come away (including myself) with an expectation of future natural disasters becoming a regular part of everyday life. Many of us become weather geeks. I took meteorology in college, for example, and have paid attention to weather systems since my late teens. In my early 20s, I drew up a set of predictions about the future based on the repeating themes of dreams, evolving obsessions, and a sort of intuition like backwards memory. I think I expected them to come true faster than they did, but they are coming true. (Those on my Patreon account will get scans of these papers in the not-too-distant future, although the info contained I discuss freely.) As a group, we are all seemingly told to "watch for" things to happen, and to be better prepared (and less optimistic) about the future.

All over this planet right now, weather, climate-related problems like wildfires, and even a powerful 8+ earthquake have topped the news. This includes possible nuclear strikes by North Korea! Weather extremes are still given top billing-- think on that a moment! And not just one thing, but multiple things. Hurricanes one after another. The worst fire season in the west on record bar none from British Columbia to Southern California. The rest of the world is facing similar issues.

Things are looking a little crazy out there.

Two things:

Firstly, these events are becoming so widely distributed and large that many more of us are affected at once. I've seen fires come to devastate an area right next to where I lived for many years, an area I hiked regularly and loved dearly much of my life. A place that went from this--

to this--

And I have to say, no amount of alien lectures on these types of things could prepare me emotionally for what I've experienced in the last few days, coming to terms with the real destruction of a natural wonder of nature. Some have said that lightning causes fires too-- but we get very little of that here and natural causes only account for 10% of wild fires. The other 90% are human caused. However, it's the extra hot and dry summers that make such acts of carelessness or arson so possible to create conflagrations of a catastrophic nature...

I've tried so hard to be smart about where I live because of those alien warnings. Every one of us has our limits and our preferences, not to mention connections to family and work, that dictate where we live. But wherever possible, we abductees as a group are nudged towards being more aware of things like flood plains and slide-prone areas, to avoid tsunami and hurricane prone areas, to have cellars in tornado-prone places and extra sturdy dwellings in earthquake prone areas. We're urged to have "Bug-out" kits and plans and "Shelter-In-Place" supply caches. We tend, as a group, to be more aware of the news of Mother Nature and to watch for patterns. We may be the least complacent people in the world when it comes to facing possible hazards.

Despite all of this, it is still stunning to experience how quickly things can shift from 'normal' to 'destroyed'. I'm still quite lucky. No one I know has lost a home or been evacuated yet (except on the Florida coast). Unlike most, I've been told over and over again that this type of thing was coming since the 70s on a semi-regular basis. And yet my heart feels blindsided by the reality of something that has been an ongoing theory to me for most of my life. It even seemed a little exciting and adventurous when I was much younger. I blanch to think of that attitude now, even if it makes facing such disasters easier to stomach!

Secondly, that part of me (and, I assume, of other abductees like myself) that is tuned to paying attention to patterns is sounding a clarion of warning. All of this massive weather shifting so suddenly and broadly is making me wonder if this is the start of things really ramping up.

-- Or is it?

Is it just a temporary crazy period of weather, slowly becoming ever more frequent? Or is this going to become such a 'thing' that humanity as a whole is forced to start dealing with some rather more ominous realities?

I'm so torn-- between belief and doubt when it comes to things the aliens have said. They told us things were going to happen as if it were imminent, but then decades pass and we are barely further along the timeline we were informed about. I'm sure I'm not the only abductee who feels a little foolish at their own over-preparedness in the past that were needless expenditures of money, effort, and concern!

Yet it seems that those predictions are coming true. SO many things in the last couple of years especially! Now I feel almost too old to deal with it all. I have knowledge and training and jack shit for resources! Emotionally, I cry for the world I love and the life upon it to go through this painful phase. I empathize with the people facing one crisis after another, even as I rage at humanity for helping to put us all here to begin with! And I worry for myself and my own plans to find a way to be as okay and prepared as I can be, given the sorts of things I expect to face myself.

No, I'm not a messenger, but I have been trained to survive to some extent-- and I'm beginning to realize how much I needed every bit of head's up I could possibly get. I still feel very inadequate to the task!

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