Still Here! Getting Back To New Website Project

Hey, readers!

Things have been pretty crazy in general, and it's all been very distracting. However, I'm determined to get back to my next step in sharing my experiences this year. I will continue to post all new experiences and reflections upon those experiences here, and I still have a few memories from my 20s left to share.


Next I am taking all those experiences and putting them in chronological order, editing those rough drafts, and adding drawings where possible. That work is being done on another website, which I began last year.

That link here: https://atspiralsend.mystrikingly.com/

In addition, I've begun to have hypnotic regressions done for recovering additional memory where there was substantial partial memory to begin with. This will likely take years, as it's neither cheap nor emotionally easy to do! I have to process it a bit before sharing it on a limited basis.

I've made the decision to share the transcripts of those sessions with my top patrons at Patreon first, but they'll be released eventually more widely. Still--! My patrons are helping to feed me, so... I must be a bit more practical here. (I only have 1 hypnosis session completed thus far, as expenses for dental work and the pandemic became serious obstacles, but I'm planning for quite a few more once I'm able to manage it.)

If you're interested in becoming a patron & helping me out, that link here:

Meanwhile, life continues in a rather mundane manner for the most part. The last thing to happen was my seeing a partially "phased" grey alien walking through my house. I realized, after coming across some artwork of my ex-husband, who is also an abductee, that the type I saw was one of HIS, not the greys I tend to see (which look more like the ones who interact with Betty Luca). I dont't recall ever seeing one of Gerick's greys before and I'm curious about this. The one I saw headed past me to go up the stairs to the rest of the house as if searching for something? It doesn't make sense to me, so of course I keep circling around it, in a futile attempt to figure it all out.

It was the first time in many years I've actually seen a grey in my house, let alone while wide awake! And it did throw me. Badly. I keep thinking that I've known about this for so long that I should be used to this by now. But... um... no, I still don't want to accept it much of the time. I still want it not to be true.

But it is.

Cat's Dream Reminds Me of My Dream Series & "The 3"

I'm slow and foggy today, so writing this will take some time and I'll be fixing mistakes I already know. I really don't feel quite right. Stupid chronic illness manifesting in such a way as to impair cognition. Fun!

Cat had a powerful dream that she remembered for a change. Basically, she was in a glass tower type of skyscraper with co-workers and someone said a storm was coming. The air outside the glass windows (which was the outer walls-- all glass) was all brown and hazy, as with smoke, and when someone moved curtains aside, she could see a huge tornado barreling towards them. She ran for the door, but it wouldn't open and the tornado smashed all the glass and Cat could feel it slicing through her.

She awoke in a house like ours (but not quite like it in some ways) and she knew a storm was coming and she grabbed 2 cats and went down to the basement, which seemed okay, and then went back up to get more cats. Then she was awakened by..
. a cat.

The dream seems to imply that events in the world are going to destroy her job, maybe in bits at a time (she's already taken a 15% pay cut since March) and the dream seems to indicate it's too late to get out of the situation. However, happily, her home life is safe at least, and she's taking precautions there (because I live here and help her with that stuff!)

After she told me about it, I recalled a series of dreams I had in my early to mid-20s. They were all about whirlwinds and tornadoes. I had some dreams of this nature as a child. Some of them were so vivid it was like being more awake than real life. I KNEW the symbolism of the tornadoes represented something vitally important, but for years that symbol remained a mystery.

I had dreams of things like a gray tornado with clouds slowly whirring on my living room floor, just 3 feet from the carpet. It was like a massive thunderstorm in miniature. I kept seeing the mini gray tornadoes in many, many dreams. Then sometimes there were larger ones outside, but still smallish, like 5 feet high or something. But they were utterly compelling and powerful. The dreams culminated in a dream where I was called to a large field, and there were 3 massive RED tornadoes whirling far above my head, but I wasn't scared. Instead I walked up to one of them and was carried up and up by the winds, as if I was being lifted by an elevator, all the way to the top. Lightning crackled beneath me and there was a roaring sound, but I knew the tornado was like a friend in a way. A very strange friend. But I also knew somehow that this was about the future and about a powerful destiny.

I realized eventually that the tornadoes represented aliens. The way their minds "suck" you in. The primal, powerful, inexorable presence of them. But in a different way than the wasp or spider dreams which represent how they "bug" me in my normal life. The tornado symbols are about their telepathic abilities and how unknowable and unending they seem to be. Kind of like how At Spiral's End got it's name. Galaxies and vortexes are equated with aliens to my subconscious mind.

After talking to Cat and revisiting this idea in my mind, I thought about that final dream in the series that was so amazing to me. (It wasn't the last dream, but I only get maybe one vortex dream every 5 years since the big finale dream.) The smaller tornadoes are the grey workers and supervisors I've met. Then there are "The 3"-- the 3 Elder Crone Female Leaders who seem to work together and who wear RED robes. I've been told by someone at some point that one of them is my "alien benefactress." So this dream that is well over 20 years old suddenly makes much more sense! My hypnosis session about seeing The 3 has brought back a lot of thoughts about how often I recall seeing the vermilion female greys and in how many contexts, like this one: spirals-end.livejournal.com/5900.html

In that case, the leader was by the podium, and another of the 2 walked by and I did my little 'test' and found my hand went right through her ankle area, stunning me. But then she turned and looked at me with those eyes and said "YOU!" showing that indeed she was THERE in the physical sense, even if her entire body was not yet manifested back into being fully physical. Oh, and she didn't really like me at all!

The one who liked me or favored me was the leader of the trio, and the other 2 seemed sometimes confounded by the favoritism or something. Like, "Why is THAT human so special to you?" I've often picked up annoyance by both greys and hybrids (like "Diana") over this, but only recently are these things going together in a narrative in my mind that I can comprehend.

However, I was in full rebellion in my 20s and refused to cooperate, again and again, and I may no longer be that female's "favorite." I don't know. My abductions slowed down so much for the last 25 years, except for a flap here and there, but nothing like the first 25 years of my life. So maybe I was deeply involved with The 3 once in my life but not now. I don't really remember. But given the amount of protest mounted against me by the other greys and hybrids and my own stubborn sedition, trying to always get other abductees and hybrids to rebel against their alien authority, I can easily imagine I'm now dropped from whatever program that was and am just on the sidelines now. (Not that I care, I mean... how did being singled out help me? And also WHY!?!? Why would I be any different than most other abductees who are 2nd or 3rd generation? We tend to be more intelligent and psychic, but have more physical problems. My point is, there are many thousands like me, so it doesn't make sense I would have anything different going on that would mark me as any more special than so many others.)

Or, it could all be an elaborate con job. Maybe they tell a LOT of people they are extra special, even among other abductees, and then pull the rug out from under them if they ever fail to cooperate consistently?

Except... it's hard to lie telepathically! They can fool people with visions or presentations, but when it comes to how they really FEEL about a person or topic, it's easy to pick up even subtle things sometimes, and I've really pissed off a lot of aliens along the way... Now, understanding things with a bit more context, I'm beginning to maybe understand why. Point being, though, that the annoyance at me being singled out was a THING I picked up on several times, and it always confused me. Now I get where that whole thing may actually have come from-- because now I recall all these sessions where I was being taught things by this female leader grey. Things about other dimensions and how their technology worked using mental controls. Lots of stuff I can't recall now, but as a child I enjoyed learning about what she taught me.

OH...! And now I think I know what the red sphere made of tiny red disks was!! I may have just gotten a spontaneous memory back... I always felt safe and excited about what was going to happen next when that sphere showed up! Was that from HER!? I don't know. It feels right to my mind, though. I never got excited to see the other greys. They freaked me out. But I liked the leader of The 3. I felt affection and trust towards her-- at least as a child.

Some bits and pieces are coming together for me. Hypnosis is helpful with this stuff for sure, even weeks later-- extra bits leak out and I can figure out a tiny bit more.

"The Calling" Revisited (DOH!) & A Bit of A Rant

I'm trying to get all my writing in order and updated so I can dive back down into editing my written memories, and I ran across a couple of things and just about smacked myself upside the noggin'!

A few posts back, I wrote about the amazing sort of magic pulling feeling the aliens used to give me in order to get me to meet them for an abduction as a child (and much more rarely, teen and young adult). I waxed on almost nostalgically about how wondrous that feeling was. I treated it like something that hadn't happened in ages and ages. I actually said, "I don't think I've had it more than once or twice since the age of 21. And not at all in the last 20 years. I'm guessing because it doesn't work anymore. I KNOW now what is waiting for me at the end of the line..."

Upon review of my Spiral's End blog, I realized that I'd actually had such an encounter just last year in autumn.  Check it out: https://spirals-end.livejournal.com/86034.html

No abduction happened at that time. I was very carefully paying attention and noting the time and any quick or slow "blinks" in perception and the timing of the rain and sunset was very precise, so I'm certain nothing more happened. I was not taken.

But something happened... The Call. The Pull. The whole experience of hearing and seeing really COOL things (like pan pipe music and a spectacular orange sunset directed right upon my area) while feeling compelled to "go check it out" expecting "adventure" was exactly the type of experience I meant. I could feel a mental presence coming from the area in question. I wasn't the slightest bit frightened, but rather eagerly anticipating "magic" in a child-like way. I knew what to do. I knew where to go.

And like a complete dumbass-- I went!!

Now I wonder why they did it, IF it was "them" and who else could it be? Since they didn't take me, was it just a test to see if the old tricks would still work? (Short answer: Yes, dammit.)

THIS is why we experiencers have to write every single thing down! I can't believe the denial and inattention to memory when it comes to things like this! Even if we're able to acknowledge things from the far past, dealing with more recent strange events is exceedingly difficult. There is a HUGE cognitive dissonance to accepting that these things happen even now.

Seeing the strange 3D "shadow" of an alien grey just walking/skipping by on a routine night threw me mentally. I write about this type of thing regularly and I've been actively processing my past encounters for 10 years now, and I STILL freaked out and then went into a numb denial. Emotionally, I went right back to where I was years and years ago, when I was still trying to find excuses-- anything to explain what my eyes told me! Hallucination or reflections on my glasses or really anything to give me some kind of out so I didn't have to think about what I was suddenly trapped with!

There is a disconnect between memories. They're all piecemeal in my head unless I write it all down and then read it later. Only then does it seem undeniable to me. Even then...! I know what happened, but it is difficult not to run towards denial. I think abductees live in varying states of denial and disassociation their whole lives. I know I do...

I had a troll recently who found my blogs and he asked me to "help" him believe alien abductions were real. I wasn't jumping into that trap and he predictably had a temper tantrum. In his (or her) now deleted rant, they asked what made me special enough for aliens to want to take me? And it's so weird to think of it that way, like abduction is ENVIABLE. I didn't answer, but I know I'm taken because both my parents were. I literally inherited my status as an abductee. I've been taken since the age of 1 and a half or so at least-- what could I have done so young to make any alien think I was "special"? And really, how special is it to be treated like a lab subject? To be mind-fucked? And used as an incubator? The troll's EGO was hurt by the idea that if aliens were to come to Earth, they'd take someone besides HIM I guess!  He obviously knows nothing about the phenomena if he thinks that contact means anything like what popular science fiction tends to portray.

I think we (abductees) TRY very hard, if we manage to process the reality of what happens to us, to create meaning and find value in at least some of what we experience. I don't think the aliens, even the 'higher-up' ones, are benevolent space brothers and sisters here to invite us to join them as friends at the galactic table. They don't think of us as even remotely equal, that's for certain. And their biology and communication is so foreign to us that they don't value things we consider "universally good." Like privacy, or the narrative story, or individual exploration. Nor do they abhor things we consider "universally evil" like kidnapping, child molestation or rape. (Sex has no value to them except biologically, so they don't seem to understand the harm they do when they manipulate people sexually.) The aliens live in a very stratified, constant, hive-like communal society that not only doesn't value things we take for granted, it fails to understand many of the most basic things about human life like family, friends, money or play. Unlike us, they take the very long view and are patient and persistent. Their members can't seem to even conceive of rebellion towards their superiors. Their technology is so incredible, human scientists refuse to believe another race of beings could even wield such things, let alone be taking and using/abusing people on Earth right now with that technology.

Being an abductee is a wonder and a horror. But mostly? It's confusing and just does not fit into the prevailing reality paradigm! Therefore, facing it is super hard, and communicating about it with anyone is almost impossible.

Once more for the record, I write this for ME, but I do so publicly to help others like me who rarely if ever get to compare and contrast notes. It's very isolating to try to come to grips with all these reality-bending shocks invading our space, bodies, and minds! Avoiding talking about it for fear of ridicule, most abductees are silent and alone except for spouses and children, who are inevitably drawn into the aliens' program. Even then--? We don't discuss it much with each other except when witnessing something in the moment or just afterwards. Then the temptation is to forget about it as soon as possible so we can rush back to "the real world" that makes at least some sort of sense.

Weird Vibrating 2-Tone Sound Outside At 11:38am

Okay, I've been sleeping very poorly lately, and last night I didn't get to sleep until almost 5am this morning. Therefore, when I was awakened by a very unusual sound at 11:38 (I checked the clock in an annoyed manner) I didn't notice what was going on at first.

The chickens outside were going NUTS and they've been getting a lot of bird predation lately (sharp-shinned hawks, red-tailed hawks, and a bald eagle multiple times in the last 2 weeks) so I dutifully got up in my PJs to go outside to shoo the presumed raptor away. About the time I stood up next to my bed, however, I realized I could just barely hear something very odd.

It was like a vibrating (as opposed to rumbling) motor sound, in a higher pitch-- or rather, 2 pitches. It would hold a lower F or G tone for 4 seconds, then switched to an F or G note exactly one octave above it for another 4 seconds, then back to the lower tone. Back and forth, back and forth-- and I could almost FEEL it through the walls, so it was a powerful set of sounds. Definitely artificial in nature, though, and moving. Actually, maybe it was an F-sharp/G-flat note? I don't have perfect pitch or anything, but the sound haunted me for minutes afterwards and so I used the memory of it to compare to music notes later. It was in that area of the tonal scale though, I'm pretty certain of that.

Confused, and still trying to wake up completely, I ran outside.

It was much louder, as one might expect, and the chickens were going absolutely apeshit, the loudest they could possibly get. They were pretty much screaming. In addition, they were all facing the area I heard the sound coming from as well, east northeast, or the direction of the state park and the Puget Sound/Bremerton area. Whatever it was was freaking them the fuck out.

I was quite frustrated, trying to hear this very unusual sound through the cacophony of the chicken flock, but the nature of the sound cut through their noise. Again, I noted I could almost feel it, not just hear it. Not quite in my chest, but almost like that. It was highly disturbing, so I feel fairly confident that there was infrasound involved. (Which, as I understand it, can be heard sometimes if it's a high enough note.) The point is, it felt like it was penetrating my skull.

Damn it! What the fuck WAS it?

Not like anything I'd ever heard before... except in some "future dreams." So... naturally I became rather alert and even slightly alarmed!

I walked in the direction of the sound, towards our mailbox, and away from the chickens, and I could hear it more clearly. It was passing by and moving away in some fashion. It seemed to come from the air, like a plane-- but the air was PERFECT AUTUMN BLUE and cloudless. I couldn't see any planes at the moment, but perhaps the flying thing had already passed and was low on the horizon so I missed it? But no plane in the world (that I know of) makes a distinct, 2-toned sound like that!

It may also have been a ship passing doing some sort of test. I hope not, though! That type of sound would wreak havoc on the local pod of Orca whales with their sensitive, underwater hearing! We live in a very heavy Navy area. A major port is just in Bremerton, and a Navy ship doing a test of some sort could conceivably have been passing by heading towards the docks-- but why making such a sound?

Most likely it was something new or a test by the Navy of something. However, the quality of the sound, as I said, reminded me distinctly of some strange dreams I had in the 70s, 80s and 90s about odd sounds coming from the sky. Some people likened some of the sounds to the call of an Angel's trumpet (in my dreams--and though I was not raised Christian, I felt a "calling" to the sound in the dreams) and it is damned eerie, regardless of the source. In the last several years, a strange sound has been recorded (and hoaxed!) all over the world, that sounds like a combination of metal scraping in a giant cement tube combined with the tones of a higher pitched fog horn almost. This event makes me think of THOSE recordings. Real or not, the shit that sounds like THIS:


is similar in some ways to the tonality of what I woke up hearing today.

(Link goes to a 15 minute compilation of news reports with a bunch of examples of the "mystery sky sounds". Snopes deems it "mixed" true/false because some of the recordings have witnesses and have been authenticated, while others are indeed hoaxed. But still, it gives you an idea of the quality of what I heard today, except it wasn't as loud, it was definitely moving and passing by, and it was in 2 long-held tones, not just 1.)

Anyway! It freaks me out, because I feel like there may be a meaning behind it. And just why would my dreams from many years ago make me think that? Is it a signal? Just my wild imagination? (Not the sound itself, but rather the idea of a meaning attached.) I don't know, but it was really WEIRD.

I'll keep alert to anything further, including any mentions of a new Navy thing today.

It wasn't a horn, though. It was definitely more like some sort of motor...I think. Another thing to keep in mind is that we have auroras and solar storms going on right now for the next few days, so maybe that's being tested or used or affecting something oddly. I really don't know.

Meanwhile, I came right back in the house when the sound faded away (which also makes me think it flew over us by air because the sound receded too quickly for a ship) and Cat, who was watching TV, had heard nothing unusual at all! However, I've noticed that I can hear helicopters and such better on the first floor and attic room than from the middle floors for some odd reason with our strangely shaped house, so maybe that played into it. (She was in a different part of the house when I got up, so I didn't see her on the way to the front door so I couldn't ask her to join me to discover what the weird sound was.)

Finally, if I hear weird shit again--?
If I hadn't been awakened from a deep sleep, I hope I would be more alert and think of that. I've got to be on the ball with this shit! =^P

Um, So Yeah-- Alien Shadows Skittering Through My House!

Last night I was just finishing up my nightly routine and preparing to go to bed when I happened to look up at the archway between my den/kitchen area and the entry/parlor/dining area and distinctly and undeniably saw a strange transparent but 3-dimensional "shadow" pass by. My gaze was right on that spot as it passed by so I got a very good look at it.

I'm going to try to explain what it looked like and offer a photograph as well as a drawing to show as best I can, what it was that I saw. It wasn't a "normal" grey type for me. It looked a little taller with a smaller head (with a bit of a swollen back part of the head that was strange).

This photograph is taken from where I was sitting last night (my den chair) and shows exactly the perspective I had last night. This THING went from the front door area (to the left of the arch out of sight) towards the right where the stairs are. I saw it very distinctly and easily. It was impossible to miss if you were looking right at it.

I can't draw very well, but it's shape was simple enough to draw, even for me. I was alert enough to make a sketch last night, which I cleaned up a little today before sharing.

The head was close to the light level and it blocked out the light partway as it passed that light.

I wrote on the drawing, "Saw alien/entity as transparent shadow going from front door towards stairs."
And, "Had strange wobbly "gummy" joints, moved oddly and FAST!"

Of note: The head lacks a chin, but has an area that's extra large on the upper back portion of the head. "My" greys have very pointy chins and a more rounded and bulbous head than this fellow.

The joints didn't look or move as "hinged" joints at the elbows and knees. As it sort of walked by, I noted that it's gait was all "off". It sort of skipped as it moved, and the legs and arms made me think of noodles or gummy worms or something. Very not normal for even a human ghost (also-- no clothes!)

Definitely partially astral or cloaked as well as partially physical. Anyone would have seen it had they been looking at the same spot at the same time I did. It was a physical shadow and just completely WEIRD looking. I've seen a lot of things, but this type of alien visitor is new. I've seen it drawn by other abductees, but I've never seen one like this myself. Also worthy of note was that this thing didn't give off a strong mental sense of "presence" like most I've ever seen. I felt slightly watched maybe 5 minutes or so before it showed up, but from outside. I thought I was being paranoid and dismissed my feelings, though. It still surprised the FUCK out of me. I'm guessing it watched me through windows, then came in the front door.

I began to get VERY sleepy within minutes of seeing it despite the adrenaline rush, and the feeling of "no big deal, just go to bed, maybe it didn't happen" sort of thoughts were going through my head, and I felt myself relaxing despite the scare... which is suspicious. Cat got up to use the bathroom, and I ran up the stairs to tell her and I cried a little in fear as I told her what I just saw. She and I looked around the house and found nothing, but my fear faded and I got really complacent feeling and eager to go to bed. This type of indifference is well documented by many abductees after seeing an alien or UFO. It seems to be induced by them to keep us calm and compliant. Cat and I both went to bed within a half hour of all the fuss.

To my knowledge I wasn't taken last night. I had my cat with me and I slept very lightly and fitfully as you may well imagine! But it would have been easy to take me and return me without my knowledge at some point while I was sleeping. I didn't notice anything out of place to prove it one way or another.

Before the odd calm feeling took over, though, right after I first saw it. I was scared shitless! As you can see from what I wrote last night! I was determined to make sure I didn't forget, though, just in case it was going to "rush" me and mindfuck me into forgetting or something. But finding myself alone, awake, with a THING in the house like that just brought back a lot of the memories of the past when things like this happened.

Not fun. But... handled I guess.

And... I need to be aware that a new abduction 'flap' may be beginning for me. Maybe not, but I need to be extra alert.

WTF? Shadows?

Just a few minutes ago I saw a skinny shadow of a figure with a bald head (but not that big of a bald head) sort of skitter by 2 openings to the big entry/parlor/dining area from where I'm sitting in my den area by the kitchen. It was going from the front door towards the stairs up to the salon/rec room. I was looking right at it and uh... yeah.


Fuckity fuck fuck fuck!!!

I think I'm going to have an interesting night in the Chinese curse sense of the word.


Shit fuckity damn. Jesus!

These are the situations where my denial starts kicking in and I think, "No way... I did NOT just see that!"

But I did...

[Later-- got Cat up to check the house with me. No one is here and we're both getting very sleepy.]

Catching Up On My Processing Of Hypnosis Session

Sorry it's taking me so long to convey all of this! A lot is going on with my family and fires and smoke and dentistry (which is a huge phobia of mine) and just on and on...

Meanwhile, I AM processing and writing about what I learned from the last hypnosis session and so I will have additional entries for you to check out soon. I started and didn't finish them because... well, I think because the alien's "suggestion" to not write about this type of thing is strong, and during a time of high-drama distraction, it's even more difficult to fight that notion and focus. But... I'm getting there.

The Delicious Promise: Addendum To 1978 Abduction Memoir

This bit of writing comes up due to an expanded memory of an childhood abduction event via hypnosis.

(Yes, the hypnosis went well, in case you were wondering. Dealing with dentists took all my emotional attention for a time, though.)

In 1978, I was taken, along with several classmates, and we were missing for at least a couple of hours. Police were called. It was a strange event because we were in an odd park, a sort of gash in the countryside with steep sides. There was only one way in and out and yet we disappeared. I recalled on my own that we saw a strange boy with even stranger eyes, and I named him Christopher Robin. I told the other kids he was a magic elf, and they believed me. The next thing I knew, we were heading back to the picnic area, hearing police whistles and our names being called. We argued about whether we saw an elf or not as our memories left us all at slightly different times. I wrote about all of this before, in a tribute to C.R.-- the hybrid who was paired with me.

I learned more of what happened, and I'll write about that soon. We were all taken onto a ship-- big shocker, right?!

What I wanted to write about today was the weird, pulling feeling I got from the aliens beforehand. I somehow just "knew" that I was supposed to take a nearly hidden path along the cliff edges (going up on all sides) to a special destination. That feeling came over me at least a couple dozen times over the course of my childhood, I'm certain. Going under hypnosis and remembering it again was very strange. I don't think I've had it more than once or twice since the age of 21. And not at all in the last 20 years. I'm guessing because it doesn't work anymore. I KNOW now what is waiting for me at the end of the line...


The feeling was like a delicious secret promise. I could feel this delighted emotion filling me. Something wondrous and adventurous was waiting for me. All I had to do was follow the knowledge that somehow was inside me from out of nowhere. I felt compelled, but not by fear-- indeed not even by curiosity. I felt as though I already knew the answer, all I had to do was go along with it. It felt MYSTICAL & MAGICAL. There is no feeling quite like it. It's been so long since I've felt it, that when the hypnosis just brought it all back, I felt gobsmacked by the memory of it. Of how I felt so pulled by that amazing feeling. Of how effective it was at getting me to take risks and blindly follow the secret directive that had taken over my being. I trusted the feeling. I wanted to trust it.

And, as a child I DID. Over and over and over again! Even at the age of 3 and 4, I would take off down the alley that ran from the back of the house in Seattle we lived in then, happily convinced I was safe, protected, and about to have the most wonderful time of my life.

It turned out to be a false promise. I got weird, all right, but things weren't always so wonderful once I entered the alien reality realm. Often it was an adventure, and I learned amazing things. But too often there was confusion, pain, and even horror. I was badly traumatized by some of the things that happened in my childhood, though what happened as an adolescent became much worse, of course. Sexual maturity means sexual abuse, unfortunately.

The worst part of remembering that feeling was realizing how much I missed it. I feel greatly disturbed to admit that even with all the horror and craziness, I actually MISS that feeling of promise and secret knowledge! I'm not sure what brain chemicals the aliens tweak to make it happen, but once again, they'd make a lot of money if they monetized these kinds of things.

They can make you fall in love -- at least temporarily.

They can make you feel like the most amazing, mystical, wondrous thing can happen if only you surrender and follow along.

I've felt the delicious promise, and known how compelling it was. And I don't ever want to forget. Even if I know how dangerous following that call can be. It felt THAT amazing. It's incredibly disturbing to me to realize how powerful that pull can be even today when I know better...

I understand the old stories of faeries taking children now. The best one would be The Pied Piper. How did he get those children to follow him, leaving everything they knew behind? Leaving town, and maybe even reality itself, forever and ever?

I know the answer.

New Website & Blog On Strikingly!

Okay! It has begun!

For a while now, I've considered this Livejournal account as my "rough draft" to several books about my abduction and paranormal experiences. Now with only a few year's worth of my memories left from my mid to late 20s, I'm nearly "done" with most of the rough draft part of my huge decade-long (so far) project.

I will finish that goal here, as promised, though maybe not as soon as I'd hoped. In addition, all new experiences that come will be written here first as well, so that will not change. I like having an unfettered place to disgorge all my thoughts and feelings!

However, I have begun the next step-- a new blog that will essentially be my "second draft" for all of my writing HERE (plus anything I've forgotten) and much more polished and "public reading ready." It's also more image-friendly (here, images get popped back off and deleted after a few months unless it's a paid LJ, and it's not) so I can use more graphics.

I'm just getting started, and I began with my earliest memory of seeing a grey alien, and it's something I may have referenced here, but not really gone into any detail about.

Please feel free to check it out!

New blog here--->  http://atspiralsend.mystrikingly.com/

First Hypnosis Session w/ Josie: 3 Garden Ladies (Age 3) & Classmates Abducted from Park (Age 8)

Josie opened all the doors and made it easy to get inside her office and to the reclining chair without touching a single surface! I brought a drink and my iPad to record the session, and we remained 10 feet apart.

But... it worked! I'm always surprised when hypnosis works. I'm told I'm a good subject. All my meditation practice makes it easier to "let go" when it's time to go under.

We explored 2 main events from my childhood:

~ The hidden back yard with the "3 old ladies" in it who had tea parties. That was a series of childhood abductions that took place when I was 3 to 4 years old in the suburbs of Seattle. I would disappear for hours (and got in trouble frequently for "wandering" as my mother called it.)

I wrote about it here, "The 3 Old Ladies In the Garden": spirals-end.livejournal.com/15896.html

And... I got more details about what happened. I was taken through a portal hidden in an old SHED on an empty lot that once held a house (maybe it burned down? but not even foundations were left, just plantings that had gone wild and that shed.)  And... I ended up on quite an example of an adventure. It was pretty cool, and I need to make drawings to explain much of it.

~ Then we explored what else happened when I was 8 and was taken from a field trip with several other classmates.

I wrote about that here:

"1978 school fieldtrip: One particularly bizarre memory happened during a elementary school fieldtrip I had when my family lived in Lake Oswego, Oregon. We went to this strange elongated bowl-shaped park. Covered in trees, only part of it had well-tended lawns and park-like tables and such, the rest was hidden under thick underbrush in a sort of deep chasm. I took the initiative to "sneak off" to explore the woods we were totally forbidden to go into. There were about 7 others who took off down a well worn dirt trail following me. This behavior was totally unlike me. I wasn't a leader, nor a rules-breaker. But that late morning I just felt-- inspired. I knew exactly where we were going somehow, and helped to lead the way through maze-like trails down to a very hidden clearing at the bottom of the chasm.

That's where we met the "Elf Boy." He was a very skinny, strange kid and we were thrilled to see him because it seemed like some amazing magic was going on. I told everyone he looked strange because he was a REAL elf. They all believed me. They asked his name, and once more he said he didn't have one. I didn't connect him to the kid I had met multiple times years before, but I had come up with a solution to the dilemma this time: I asked him if he'd like to have a name. He said yes, and I gave him the name "Christopher Robin" --inspired by the book Winnie the Pooh my mother was reading to my sister and myself every night at the time. Everyone agreed it was a good name.

Right away it was time to go back, we all waved good-bye to Christopher Robin, Elf Boy, talking about it as we left. Something strange started going on with our memories, though. Some kids would continue to remember our having spoken to the elf, but others forgot and kept asking what the rest were talking about! We all started arguing and kept it up until we heard voices and whistles! People were calling for us!

Even accounting for "kid time" we couldn't have been gone longer than 45 minutes. It only took us a few minutes to get back to the park area again, but there were cops everywhere. Turned out we had been missing for almost 3 hours and it was time to go home! The entire park, with all its trails, had been walked multiple times but there was no sign of any of us while we were missing. We kept our mouths shut about the elf boy who got a name-- most of us had forgotten him anyway. In the end, it seemed I was the only one who remembered a little bit about what happened, and even then not much. The incident was very mysterious for years until I later learned about being an abductee.

And... I discovered that my rebellious act of bringing in "civilians" was NOT appreciated by the greys, but the hybrid Christopher Robin was impressed. He couldn't even fathom doing something against the aliens' rules. (I've been a bad ass with them since way back I guess!)  They took all of us and I recalled seeing C.R. before... in very weird and awkward circumstances that I'll go into later. However, remembering him in the last encounter (from the field trip abduction) made me doubtful, but he "overheard" my thoughts and told me we were just supposed to talk and play with toys. He had a pile in front of him, dropped and looking neglected.

He and I ended up talking about my home life and school. I told him about my classmates and what we did and what a "field trip" was. I told him about home and my mother reading me the story of Winnie the Pooh. Ordinary everyday things was all he wanted to talk about. Then we were taken back outside and my classmates were awakened and we were made to forget. We also were told to go back (along a trail to the main park area.) We all forgot at different rates and ended up bickering-- and that's back to where I remembered on my own again.

The main thing I see whenever I undergo hypnosis is how much of my life has been enmeshed with aliens and hybrids and how little I recall of many, many hours of my life. There's SO MUCH there. Days and weeks and months of memories all made too difficult to access without help much of the time. And I remember more than most, but I can tell I remember jack squat compared to the whole of it. I have a secret life that's made to be a secret to me. Rebelling against that programming pleases me.

So... here I am.