The Delicious Promise: Addendum To 1978 Abduction Memoir

This bit of writing comes up due to an expanded memory of an childhood abduction event via hypnosis.

(Yes, the hypnosis went well, in case you were wondering. Dealing with dentists took all my emotional attention for a time, though.)

In 1978, I was taken, along with several classmates, and we were missing for at least a couple of hours. Police were called. It was a strange event because we were in an odd park, a sort of gash in the countryside with steep sides. There was only one way in and out and yet we disappeared. I recalled on my own that we saw a strange boy with even stranger eyes, and I named him Christopher Robin. I told the other kids he was a magic elf, and they believed me. The next thing I knew, we were heading back to the picnic area, hearing police whistles and our names being called. We argued about whether we saw an elf or not as our memories left us all at slightly different times. I wrote about all of this before, in a tribute to C.R.-- the hybrid who was paired with me.

I learned more of what happened, and I'll write about that soon. We were all taken onto a ship-- big shocker, right?!

What I wanted to write about today was the weird, pulling feeling I got from the aliens beforehand. I somehow just "knew" that I was supposed to take a nearly hidden path along the cliff edges (going up on all sides) to a special destination. That feeling came over me at least a couple dozen times over the course of my childhood, I'm certain. Going under hypnosis and remembering it again was very strange. I don't think I've had it more than once or twice since the age of 21. And not at all in the last 20 years. I'm guessing because it doesn't work anymore. I KNOW now what is waiting for me at the end of the line...


The feeling was like a delicious secret promise. I could feel this delighted emotion filling me. Something wondrous and adventurous was waiting for me. All I had to do was follow the knowledge that somehow was inside me from out of nowhere. I felt compelled, but not by fear-- indeed not even by curiosity. I felt as though I already knew the answer, all I had to do was go along with it. It felt MYSTICAL & MAGICAL. There is no feeling quite like it. It's been so long since I've felt it, that when the hypnosis just brought it all back, I felt gobsmacked by the memory of it. Of how I felt so pulled by that amazing feeling. Of how effective it was at getting me to take risks and blindly follow the secret directive that had taken over my being. I trusted the feeling. I wanted to trust it.

And, as a child I DID. Over and over and over again! Even at the age of 3 and 4, I would take off down the alley that ran from the back of the house in Seattle we lived in then, happily convinced I was safe, protected, and about to have the most wonderful time of my life.

It turned out to be a false promise. I got weird, all right, but things weren't always so wonderful once I entered the alien reality realm. Often it was an adventure, and I learned amazing things. But too often there was confusion, pain, and even horror. I was badly traumatized by some of the things that happened in my childhood, though what happened as an adolescent became much worse, of course. Sexual maturity means sexual abuse, unfortunately.

The worst part of remembering that feeling was realizing how much I missed it. I feel greatly disturbed to admit that even with all the horror and craziness, I actually MISS that feeling of promise and secret knowledge! I'm not sure what brain chemicals the aliens tweak to make it happen, but once again, they'd make a lot of money if they monetized these kinds of things.

They can make you fall in love -- at least temporarily.

They can make you feel like the most amazing, mystical, wondrous thing can happen if only you surrender and follow along.

I've felt the delicious promise, and known how compelling it was. And I don't ever want to forget. Even if I know how dangerous following that call can be. It felt THAT amazing. It's incredibly disturbing to me to realize how powerful that pull can be even today when I know better...

I understand the old stories of faeries taking children now. The best one would be The Pied Piper. How did he get those children to follow him, leaving everything they knew behind? Leaving town, and maybe even reality itself, forever and ever?

I know the answer.

New Website & Blog On Strikingly!

Okay! It has begun!

For a while now, I've considered this Livejournal account as my "rough draft" to several books about my abduction and paranormal experiences. Now with only a few year's worth of my memories left from my mid to late 20s, I'm nearly "done" with most of the rough draft part of my huge decade-long (so far) project.

I will finish that goal here, as promised, though maybe not as soon as I'd hoped. In addition, all new experiences that come will be written here first as well, so that will not change. I like having an unfettered place to disgorge all my thoughts and feelings!

However, I have begun the next step-- a new blog that will essentially be my "second draft" for all of my writing HERE (plus anything I've forgotten) and much more polished and "public reading ready." It's also more image-friendly (here, images get popped back off and deleted after a few months unless it's a paid LJ, and it's not) so I can use more graphics.

I'm just getting started, and I began with my earliest memory of seeing a grey alien, and it's something I may have referenced here, but not really gone into any detail about.

Please feel free to check it out!

New blog here--->  http://atspiralsend.mystrikingly.com/

First Hypnosis Session w/ Josie: 3 Garden Ladies (Age 3) & Classmates Abducted from Park (Age 8)

Josie opened all the doors and made it easy to get inside her office and to the reclining chair without touching a single surface! I brought a drink and my iPad to record the session, and we remained 10 feet apart.

But... it worked! I'm always surprised when hypnosis works. I'm told I'm a good subject. All my meditation practice makes it easier to "let go" when it's time to go under.

We explored 2 main events from my childhood:

~ The hidden back yard with the "3 old ladies" in it who had tea parties. That was a series of childhood abductions that took place when I was 3 to 4 years old in the suburbs of Seattle. I would disappear for hours (and got in trouble frequently for "wandering" as my mother called it.)

I wrote about it here, "The 3 Old Ladies In the Garden": spirals-end.livejournal.com/15896.html

And... I got more details about what happened. I was taken through a portal hidden in an old SHED on an empty lot that once held a house (maybe it burned down? but not even foundations were left, just plantings that had gone wild and that shed.)  And... I ended up on quite an example of an adventure. It was pretty cool, and I need to make drawings to explain much of it.

~ Then we explored what else happened when I was 8 and was taken from a field trip with several other classmates.

I wrote about that here:

"1978 school fieldtrip: One particularly bizarre memory happened during a elementary school fieldtrip I had when my family lived in Lake Oswego, Oregon. We went to this strange elongated bowl-shaped park. Covered in trees, only part of it had well-tended lawns and park-like tables and such, the rest was hidden under thick underbrush in a sort of deep chasm. I took the initiative to "sneak off" to explore the woods we were totally forbidden to go into. There were about 7 others who took off down a well worn dirt trail following me. This behavior was totally unlike me. I wasn't a leader, nor a rules-breaker. But that late morning I just felt-- inspired. I knew exactly where we were going somehow, and helped to lead the way through maze-like trails down to a very hidden clearing at the bottom of the chasm.

That's where we met the "Elf Boy." He was a very skinny, strange kid and we were thrilled to see him because it seemed like some amazing magic was going on. I told everyone he looked strange because he was a REAL elf. They all believed me. They asked his name, and once more he said he didn't have one. I didn't connect him to the kid I had met multiple times years before, but I had come up with a solution to the dilemma this time: I asked him if he'd like to have a name. He said yes, and I gave him the name "Christopher Robin" --inspired by the book Winnie the Pooh my mother was reading to my sister and myself every night at the time. Everyone agreed it was a good name.

Right away it was time to go back, we all waved good-bye to Christopher Robin, Elf Boy, talking about it as we left. Something strange started going on with our memories, though. Some kids would continue to remember our having spoken to the elf, but others forgot and kept asking what the rest were talking about! We all started arguing and kept it up until we heard voices and whistles! People were calling for us!

Even accounting for "kid time" we couldn't have been gone longer than 45 minutes. It only took us a few minutes to get back to the park area again, but there were cops everywhere. Turned out we had been missing for almost 3 hours and it was time to go home! The entire park, with all its trails, had been walked multiple times but there was no sign of any of us while we were missing. We kept our mouths shut about the elf boy who got a name-- most of us had forgotten him anyway. In the end, it seemed I was the only one who remembered a little bit about what happened, and even then not much. The incident was very mysterious for years until I later learned about being an abductee.

And... I discovered that my rebellious act of bringing in "civilians" was NOT appreciated by the greys, but the hybrid Christopher Robin was impressed. He couldn't even fathom doing something against the aliens' rules. (I've been a bad ass with them since way back I guess!)  They took all of us and I recalled seeing C.R. before... in very weird and awkward circumstances that I'll go into later. However, remembering him in the last encounter (from the field trip abduction) made me doubtful, but he "overheard" my thoughts and told me we were just supposed to talk and play with toys. He had a pile in front of him, dropped and looking neglected.

He and I ended up talking about my home life and school. I told him about my classmates and what we did and what a "field trip" was. I told him about home and my mother reading me the story of Winnie the Pooh. Ordinary everyday things was all he wanted to talk about. Then we were taken back outside and my classmates were awakened and we were made to forget. We also were told to go back (along a trail to the main park area.) We all forgot at different rates and ended up bickering-- and that's back to where I remembered on my own again.

The main thing I see whenever I undergo hypnosis is how much of my life has been enmeshed with aliens and hybrids and how little I recall of many, many hours of my life. There's SO MUCH there. Days and weeks and months of memories all made too difficult to access without help much of the time. And I remember more than most, but I can tell I remember jack squat compared to the whole of it. I have a secret life that's made to be a secret to me. Rebelling against that programming pleases me.

So... here I am.

Gearing Up For My First Alien Abduction Hypnotherapy Session In Years

Next weekend, I'll work with Josie (my therapist) in person for the first time in months. We'll both be wearing masks and staying 10+ feet apart, because she and I are BOTH vulnerable immunity-wise, like most abductees.

I'm ready. That's not in question.

I have to pay my taxes this month and figure out how to pay for some dentistry, but otherwise my money is going (even at a discount) to my therapist. I'm going to be tapped out! I suppose the whole pandemic thing means I'm not spending my money on much else these days anyways...

But it's hard to not be around more of my friends at this time. I wish I didn't feel quite so alone. I mean, I know I'm not but ... I guess I'm more overwhelmed than I wanted to admit.

However... my efforts to uncover the truth continue! I'll be going under to see if I can pull out some more memory from events that I already have conscious memory of-- but with great gaps. I'm checking out childhood stuff first. I know that though it could be scary, until I hit puberty it didn't get horrific so it's easier to process those memories first.

I still have to finish my 20's memories of strange events, and I'm finding it really difficult to dig down into that stuff. I've been looking through some handwritten journals of the time and I have more there than I immediately recalled. I'm sorting through it and I think I'll even share some of those original journal entries. But right now, I'm trying to piece it all together, and I keep getting sidetracked. I have a real deep dread about sharing memories from that period. It was very active, but... I'm not sure what to make of it all.

And so much more was forgotten than remembered...

Regardless, I will share what I learn from hypnotherapy as promised. Expect new material from some childhood events very soon


If You See My Name Online...

So... the Veg Hag is still at it. She's caused more chaos and anger and distress in her campaign to harass a friend of mine who VH has been stalking for some 8 years. And every now and again I'll hear from someone in the paranormal community that someone claiming to be me (but is obviously VH) is saying vile things to someone else.

Therefore, for the record--!

If you see my name somewhere online bitching about something or attacking someone, it's NOT ME.

I bitch on my own damn blogs, where you can clearly see it's me. I only comment on Mike's Hidden Experience blog sometimes, but he knows who I am and what name I go under there. I think I've commented at Red Pill Junkie's site with some opinions or ideas. But I rarely comment at all on any paranormal site, and if I DO, it's under my chosen name "Lucy Heart" or "Lucretia Heart" and I am scrupulously respectful! VH, on the other hand, will use my real name or a version of it, to try to get people to come after me.

Also--? I don't attack people and act like a bitchy teenager via comments on other people's sites!

That's not my thing. I don't have time for that, and I'm not out to make enemies right and left. So if you see something somewhere that claims to be from me, but it's just looking to arouse emotions and start trouble--? THAT'S NOT ME.

One of the methods of my stalker is that she will go to all these forums and chats and sites and comment using the names of her enemies, with the intent of making her victims look bad and get people to be angry at them. It's maybe her number one way of starting trouble. She's a coward, ultimately, who hides behind the internet's easy anonymity, lying about where she lives and using her maiden name while attacking those who are more easily identified. People can't attack her the way she attacks others, so she feels safe to dish out what she won't eat.

For one thing, few people are stupid enough to use their real name to attack people! It's the internet-- dark, disgusting comments are almost always anonymous, unless you have thick, narcissistic skin like the president! So always be wary of real names posted in such a manner.

And if you see something like that, feel free to let me know and take a screen capture. A class action lawsuit by a group of her victims (there are so many of us) is not out of the question, and we could use the evidence against her.

I may have my ranty moments, but I rant out in the open-- right here where I own my words. I don't hide behind internet masks and I don't have time to play stupid games. Nor do I have the energy. Anger feels powerful short term, but it's ultimately draining, and I can't sustain it for long.

And that's all the attention I'm giving to VH's petty bullshit for now. Whenever she pops up, it's always the same tired, juvenile antics. I think she'd be really disappointed to realize I rarely even see or hear of most of her efforts. I'm just not that invested in all the latest personal news of the paranormal community. I know abductees and ghost hunters and researchers and all that, sure, but my attention is scattered. I try to keep up with events and encounters, but I'm not obsessed enough to catch all the blah-blah on the side. I rarely read comments sections or participate in forums. VH is expending lots of energy for very little reward, apparently. I think I catch something maybe once or twice a year? Just enough to know she's still at it, but not enough to really bother me much at all.

I want to learn. I want to share my story. I want to compare and contrast with others who have paranormal experiences. I don't care who is "in" or "out" or popular or getting media attention or any of that. I'm too busy and/or tired to give a shit. Just getting my own stuff in order is enough of a challenge, thanks. AND, most importantly, her efforts are not going to succeed in driving me off. They did once, for a few years, but I'm back and I'm not going to be silenced. Neither will I be provoked into retaliation, which would please her, because then she could point and say, "See? SEE?" and play the victim yet again.

Pandemic Interrupts My Therapy & Memory Retrieval Plans

Just a note (and a late one at that)-- things are on hold or slowed for now in regards to my hypnotherapy sessions during this pandemic. I have a compromised immune system, so I've been home for a month with plans to stay home (completely) for another two in order to avoid the first wave of Covid-19.

I'm still conducting video chat sessions with my therapist and getting things ready for my deep dive into my own memories later, though!

The support group didn't meet this month, but next month we are meeting using a video chat program, so that will continue on in some respect as well.

Sorry for the interruption in scheduling-- but we're all dealing with this bizarre reality right now.

Final note: No, the aliens are not behind this.

For one thing, it's too wimpy. If they wanted to cull the population, I daresay they know enough to do a much better job of it. For another, I'm not hearing that abductees are magically immune. I suspect some of us may have been innoculated for something (a bunch of us got shots in our hips the same month a couple of years ago), but I've heard of at least two of our number who got really sick (but lived.) So... no.

Mass Abduction Conducting 'Apartment' Tours (Summer 1995?)

I know I have the exact date written somewhere-- and I can't find that handwritten diary at the moment. I will dig it out later and do an updated version of this memory with any corrections needed, but for now I just want to get something written down about it. I'm in the last 4 or 5 entries before my 'rough draft' is DONE! We're almost there! Then I'll be working on my re-writes in chronological order on another blog.

This next memory has been spoken of during an interview with Mike Clelland from 10 years ago! (I've been working on this site and this project for a decade now?) and has generated the most response in comments from strangers, many of whom possessing memories that may include them being at this event. This doesn't surprise me, as it was a mass abduction of many hundreds, perhaps thousands, of people-- many of whom just close friends or family members of abductees who were not normally a part of the alien 'project'.

This set of memories were recalled far better than most abductions, and I think this was by design. It generated a LOT of phone calls with people remembering seeing each other at this event and remembering many of the same details.

For Gerick and myself, we literally woke up from a very different sort of abduction and began comparing notes right away. It was clear he and I had been together part of the time, and separated at other times. We remembered seeing SO many people there and wondering about it. Before either of us even had a chance to call anyone we got a call from Ohio-- one of Gerick's friends from high school called about "a weird dream" he had the night before that had seemed rather real. He recalled many of the same things we did, and he said it was clear that he was more of a guest and that Gerick and I were "in with" the Greys and other aliens. Once Gerick was off the phone, he called Budd Hopkins. Budd told him he'd already heard from 2 people who had very similar "dreams" from the night before and they reported similar things-- again, not like typical abductions at all!

Then we got another phone call, and then yet another from friends who had apparently been at this event the night before and were all excited about it. They reported bits and pieces that lined up with our own memories. One was an abductee friend from the support group, but the other was one of our mutual friends who wasn't an abductee. It was weird! The resources the Greys had to pull off this mass abduction were stunning!

For the next month or more, it was all anyone would talk about in the abduction community because it seemed like the very exciting beginning of a brand new era in abductions. Maybe this was it-- maybe we were going to start to be more equal with the Greys and not so much treated like medical and psychological experimental subjects!

There were 3 main parts to the abduction and we couldn't remember the beginning or ending-- but the middle had many wide spaces where our memories were intact:

~ There was some sort of gathering in general before the main event. We recalled there was a crowd of people with the Greys hanging back. The Greys had told everyone that we were all together for some wonderful reason, and it was to be a celebration! At some point, some abductees were raised on a platform or something above the crowd? Then everyone sort of broke into smaller teams that were going to be led by a few Greys each to different areas for some sort of tour. It was clear the aliens seemed rather proud and excited, and they clearly wanted us to feel the same way. It worked, as the mood was upbeat and people were smiling and greeting each other. Gerick and I saw a couple of our non-abductee friends there, which surprised us. We didn't get to talk to them, though, as we were never near enough to do more than wave from a distance. This was where our non-abductee friends said we seemed more "with" the aliens than the rest of the crowd.

~ Next came the major focus of the event where the huge crowd, now divided into groups of around 7 to 9 people each or so [I need to check the details on this soon to know numbers for sure] took turns checking out this new living area the Greys had just finished constructing.

We were told it was for us in case things went bad down on Earth and we needed a place to stay until things settled down again. This was in keeping with the oft repeated message to "prepare for life on Earth to get a lot harder" in our lifetimes we were warned about. However, I rather think it was a living space built for the hybrids so they could live more like humans and raise families and have their own community separate from the Greys. It's quite clear the aliens can't really relate to the social and psychological needs of the human part of their hybrid creations ("transgenic" as Hopkins would say) and so creating that living space was crucial. Also, it would mean that a more comfortable location for hybrids and humans to interact could perhaps make visits a little less anxiety provoking for us abductees. Therefore, they told us it was for us so we'd give our honest assessment about how good it was. If we thought it was for the hybrids, maybe we wouldn't demand the best? I'm just speculating here, but it's a question worth asking. Are we expected to live with them for a while at some point in the future? A lot of us have been told just that-- but never exactly when, just "soon". Regardless, I'm betting the Grey-human hybrids are using these human-approved spaces in the meantime.

Anyways--! We started out in a very large SPACE with a hazy frosted glass sort of ceiling curving over us way WAY above our heads. And then the small groups approached a huge cube-shaped building, many stories high, with doors regularly spaced around it. I don't recall which floor I started on, but I'm pretty sure it was neither the top nor bottom floor. We entered from a hall that ran around the outside I believe.

Once I got in, I was pleasantly surprised to begin with. I entered a bedroom with dark wood furniture and red and black plaid country motif. It was a little garish but sort of cute. The room was about 15 feet by 15 feet and had a bed, dresser, bed table and lamps, a ceder chest type trunk, and a rocking chair. The only thing weird about it I noticed right away was that there was no window, so that plus the dark colors made it rather dour, but otherwise it seemed comfy enough.

There were 4 doors, 1 on each wall of the bedroom. I admired the work of the first room, pleasing my Grey tour guides, and then looked through the 3 other doors.

Through the one going straight ahead from where we entered, I saw another bedroom. It was done in 80s hot colors like Teal and Barbie Pink, and it had 2 twin beds like a kids room. Okay...

On the right wall, the door led to a bathroom. I can't remember the colors, but it did NOT match the bedroom.

On the left wall, the door led to a living room. It was also 15 x 15 feet, with a coffee table and sofa, an entertainment center (no TV or anything though) and some random knick knacks. Okay...

I went into the living room and saw that going into the "cube" of the structure, it led to another living room. To the left, it led to a dining room, which led to a kitchen it's left. And left of that kitchen was another bathroom.

I think very much in terms of maps and floor plans, and as I walked around, I soon learned how the entire cube apartment homes were put together. The greys thought it was very efficient and considered their creation to be an improvement upon how we humans live. Everything was so convenient! The plumbing for the kitchens and bathrooms were together and so forth.

But--! In the diagram below, just know that each room had 4 doors leading to every room around it. Crazy!

Kitchen ---- Dining Room ---- Living Room --- Bedroom --- Bathroom --- Kitchen --- Dining Room--->
      |                   |                        |                     |                 |               |                 |
Kitchen ---- Dining Room ---- Living Room --- Bedroom --- Bathroom --- Kitchen --- Dining Room--->
      |                   |                        |                     |                 |               |                 |
Kitchen ---- Dining Room ---- Living Room --- Bedroom --- Bathroom --- Kitchen --- Dining Room--->
      |                   |                        |                     |                 |               |                 |
Kitchen ---- Dining Room ---- Living Room --- Bedroom --- Bathroom --- Kitchen --- Dining Room--->
      |                   |                        |                     |                 |               |                 |
Kitchen ---- Dining Room ---- Living Room --- Bedroom --- Bathroom --- Kitchen --- Dining Room-->
      |                   |                        |                     |                 |               |                 |
Kitchen ---- Dining Room ---- Living Room --- Bedroom --- Bathroom --- Kitchen --- Dining Room--->
      |                   |                        |                     |                 |               |                 |
Kitchen ---- Dining Room ---- Living Room --- Bedroom --- Bathroom --- Kitchen --- Dining Room--->
      |                   |                        |                     |                 |               |                 |
Kitchen ---- Dining Room ---- Living Room --- Bedroom --- Bathroom --- Kitchen --- Dining Room--->

It went for maybe a quarter mile in every direction!! There were NO hallways and no divisions between living spaces. One area just bled into another, and every room was decorated in a different style from a different era, all willy-nilly and in different, often jarring, colors. It was like they took a home decorating book and just threw an example of everything ever pictured in the book randomly around. Meanwhile, there didn't seem to be any windows, like the Greys didn't realize the maze-like closed-in spaces would make people feel clausterphobic.

As I realized how this was done, the aliens seemed to want my opinion on it, and I was more and more upset by what I saw. It was not only weirdly decorated, but I explained that humans would start fighting and maybe even killing each other with so little privacy and forcing people to go through one another's areas to get "out" to anywhere. I felt bad for them. They put forth all this effort for literally hundreds of apartments, maybe close to a thousand! -- and they would have to be scrapped. I don't know how much my opinion really meant, but I knew that understanding house plans and interior decorating was one obsession they seemed to have inspired or programmed in me, perhaps for this very reason. That was the impression I had had once I started to recall bits and pieces of some abductions from my teens and 20s. So... though I'm not certain I was in charge, I really felt like I was one of the authorities on this type of human or hybrid-human matter, and I told my tour guides that they fucked up. Their precious creation wouldn't work!

Meanwhile, I was running into and passing by other small groups of humans led by Greys, and a lot of people were looking around and either laughing or shaking their heads in disgust. I wasn't the only one who didn't approve! It was both hilarious and sad. Once again, the Greys really "got" some aspects of how we live, and yet totally missed other crucial factors.

~ Later, they took us to see other areas of this massive ship we seemed to be on. This part of the mass abduction wasn't as well remembered, and everyone wasn't shown the same things, but each group saw maybe 3 or 4 additional areas maybe. These were tours of "working areas" outside the crazy apartment complex cube thing.

It appeared to be where human-like aliens or hybrids were working on various projects. Many seemed to be about "fixing" problems down on Earth later. Like growing plants in a gigantic terrarium type place that ate chemical pollutants. Gerick and I recalled a huge aquarium (this was reported by many people) that included blob-gel fish with black eyes and glowing bodies that we were told absorbed nuclear radiation from the ocean and emitted light as the only excretion! There were labs everywhere and each had many ongoing projects that we were shown. I was amazed at how so much of what they were doing was to clean up the environment. They seemed to believe that they would have the ability to do this type of healing of the biosphere at some point in the not-too-distant future.

Overall, the impression was that they were showing us how "ready" they were to protect us and heal problems on the Earth. Of course, that meant that they assumed they'd be either in authority on our planet at some point or that they expected to have open access. This was something it seemed every abductee took for granted. "One day, the aliens will show themselves openly." We both longed for and dreaded the day. At this particular mass abduction, despite the apartment issues, it was rather reassuring to see that the Greys were actively working on things regarding this potential future.

The only other thing I can remember from this event was seeing some sort of very large statue. I think it was of a mixed animal--human, maybe like a sphinx or something? I'm not sure. I recall it stood upright on 2 legs, and there was more stuff around it. It was maybe 2 to 2 and a half stories tall and a lot of people stopped to look up at it and played around and posed around it and such. It was noticed-- in the "outside" area in sort of a central 'hub' of sorts close to the apartment thing and the labs and other work buildings. A lot of people liked it, though we all thought it was weird. It was just sort of amazing to see something ARTISTIC on an alien ship-- but it was done for either us or the hybrids, not the Greys.

Speculation ran high for a long time regarding this mass abduction, and it was clear that not every abductee went to this event, but it was startling how many did. It was one of the most fun ones I've ever had. It seemed pretty free to think, move, and talk for everyone, and we were asked our opinions, and there was a hopeful, happy vibe that everyone appreciated.

Found Abductee Support Group

Months and months ago, I found out there was an experiencer support group in the Seattle area. I would have to take the ferry to the east side of the Puget Sound to attend, and there were other obstacles, but I finally managed to get to a meeting this weekend.

I was very pleased! There were people from their 40s to 60s there, calm and considerate, and we all shared and discussed our experiences and what they could mean.

The moderator is an actual abductee herself, which is very helpful, and she treats PTSD and is a trained hypnotherapist who can help people like me get some suppressed memories back! SCORE!

I can't talk about specific memories other people share, because that's sacred and confidential, but I can say that I was pleased that a couple of VERY specific weird things I've had happen to me and never seen mentioned anywhere in the research were brought up, and it was very validating indeed.

There was a guy there who knew Mike Clelland, and another who knew several high profile abductees or UFO/UAP/whatever-new-thing-they're-calling-it-now witnesses, and the moderator herself will soon be interviewed by Linda Moulton Howe of Earthfiles! So, it's a small world, truly.

Best of all, though, no one knew She Who Must Not Be Named! A couple had heard of the fellow abductee I call "V.H." who stalked me and a number of other abductees with a viciousness I've never encountered before-- but had no actual connections to her. I was so relieved! But I briefly explained why it was an issue (I embarrassed her to Budd Hopkins in the mid-90s because she kicked us out of her support group for refusing to become vegetarians like her, and she came after me even 18 years later for it, a few months after Budd died and when she was moving to a new home from Texas to Florida.)

After the 2 hour meeting broke up, I approached the therapist and asked if I could work with her for my own issues. Finding someone like HER to work with to retrieve memories AND deal with residual PTSD issues would be immensely helpful! I questioned her methods of hypnosis (I've had BAD hypnotists before, so I know what to look for now) and I was very happy with her answers.

Best of all, I liked the people who showed up, and I think this will become a regular thing for me, if I can negotiate rides from Cat or anyone else for it.
horrible news

Old Friend Dies From Flu Complications...

My friend Robin and I grew up in the same apartment complex for several years as children and went to the same school. So I knew her older brother Brian, who is just 53 years old.

I mean WAS 53 years old. Brian died last night. He got the flu, went to Urgent Care-- who gave him fluids and sent him home. A few days later, when he wasn't answering his phone/texts, etc. his little brother Jay went to check on him and found him struggling to breathe. He got pneumonia from the flu and by the time he got to the hospital, his organs were shutting down. He'd caught the flu only 2 weeks before this.

Then he was in ICU for several weeks, on breathing machines and the whole bit. But then he started-- very slowly-- to get better. They moved him out of ICU to a monitoring unit and had plans to send him to a rehab facility in early January. His organs-- which nearly all failed-- had come back "online" a little at a time until he only had bad kidneys and needed dialysis but that's it. He woke up (he was in a coma for a while) and everything. The last I heard, he was starting to come back.

Then it was Christmas... and something went wrong this week. I don't know details yet. But Robin told me she'll call me tonight.

I haven't been close to Brian for years, but I always heard about him and his marriage to Rose and how he was the family hero. (Every addict family seems to have a "hero" kid-- Robin was the "acting out" kid.) He raised his younger half-brother when the abuse at his mother's house got too bad (10 years between them). He helped out Robin. He helped his mom. He was the kind but tough guy who kept shit going when it kept falling apart all around him and now he's gone... It's very sad and very scary how easy it was to die of the flu.

R.I.P. Brian... Photos of him at his late 80s marriage, and out hiking in the early 90s.

Oh shit! OH SHIT!!!

I dreamed about Brian last night. I haven't dreamed of him since I was a teenager (I had a crush on him long ago). That's fucking weird. In the dream, he was a teenager again, but with blond highlights. He was the same bright, exuberant guy I remember from back then, and things were going wrong in the dream and he appeared along with a mother and baby bear. The bears disappeared, and Brian came and sat next to me, and was SUPER nice and just said, "Things are going to be okay." He said more than that but I can't remember it-- just reassuring things.

It's the last thing I recall before I woke up and then I put on the latest Christopher Titus podcast (every Friday) and Titus said, "Things are NOT going to be okay. Nothing will ever be okay. Not really. But you can get through this..."


Anyway... just had good sob over that. I didn't feel it until I recalled the dream and then I just lost it. I don't know why. I'll tell Robin about the dream and the weird coincidence of the timing. Maybe it was him telling me he's okay--- maybe it's just a weird timing thing. I don't really cling to the "coincidence" theory as a rule. Synchronicities are a thing that cross the reality barrier sometimes. Who can say? Not me. I wish he hadn't gone so young. And I really feel for my friend, Robin, who has already told me is devastated. She didn't need this right now. Shit...

[Later: Turns out that the mother and baby bears WAS one of those amazing coincidences. Robin brought her brother a nurse teddy bear with a baby bear, and Brian was confused because HE was the big brother. But Robin said she was the nurse and he was the baby, and she'd help him get better again. She never told me that, so when I related the dream to her, she burst into sobs-- it was a sign that the dream I had was a communication from Brian after all...]
horrible news

UFO/Paranormal Sites Leaning Hard Right In Conspiracy Makes Me Wince

I've been keeping up with paranormal and UFO news for many years now. I read all the books from the 60s thru the 90s and then leapt upon the internet by '96 and the various bits of information I could glean that way. Conspiracy theories are common in certain formats and have been since as far back as I can remember. Lack of information and evidence of that lack not being accidental tends to lend itself to conspiracy.

And, to be clear, conspiracies happen. They do-- all the time, in business especially, and in governments. Speculation is a lively mental dance, and when things don't add up, our natural tendency is to try to figure out why, so of course most theories of this nature are wrong in some way as people ask, "Is it THIS?" or "Is it THAT?" There may be a grain of truth to any given notion or it may be wildly inaccurate.

But some very odd things are true. I've had too many personal experiences and known too many other people with similar stories to doubt that. Besides, history often reveals what current events miss! Looking back on things, conspiracies emerge and can eventually just be a part of history. In the now, however, many subjects and true stories are suppressed. There are death bed confessions and old documents that get found or released and so we learn the truth eventually sometimes.

I'm not a wide-eyed conspiracy gonk, because I know how easy it is to get carried away. But for many years, I've enjoyed reading various ideas of this nature because the connect-the-threads portion of it is sheer mental masturbation! The hoops one jumps through and the way the info can be connected are just-- kind of fun to imagine and compare and contrast. I search for the truth, but settle for a state of permanent ignorance to some extent. Some ideas make more sense to me than others. Regardless, I generally bounce from place to place looking for patterns and comparing what I believe is most likely true with new things that come to light and so on. All the time, simply enjoying the searching process as I go.

Okay-- hope that's all established. I'm not overly invested in very many conspiracy ideas out there, but I am always open to checking out new ideas and information that pops up.

And one thing that I have found very disturbing for the last 20 years, and in the last 3 or 4 years especially, is how cultural and political attitudes connected to the conspiracies have been leaning towards the hard right. More and more, even the once politically neutral info-agents out there, like David Wilcock of Divine Cosmos, have begun cheerleading for and excusing people like Donald Trump, claiming that the obvious criminal is some kind of hero for the masses, standing up to some evil cabal!! If there is any truth to any such thing, the guy is clearly not on the side of "good" -- based easily upon his disdain for the Constitution and the rule of law. He's a shithead and ignoring that ultra-shittiness to claim him as some kind of special envoy to save us all from our Evil Overlords makes me wince like crazy.

Of course, most paranormal sites simply discuss odd reports and evidence and witnesses and possible reasons for what's behind the reports, but, more and more-- the "mission creep" part of the hard right agenda has been infiltrating speculation sites at a higher and higher ratio.

I'm not totally square with the progressive/left-leaning agenda in many areas. I think both main political parties in the U.S. are corrupt and on the payroll of tax-dodging mega-corporations and the billionaire class, for one thing! It's fucking obvious! So I'm not just bitching because "the wrong side" is winning or anything. Rather, I'm freaked out that a proto-fascist sentiment with truly scary opinions is taking over the bandwidth of the data streams.

That some otherwise intelligent people are falling for the groupthink in this direction galls me. I worry what this will mean for those new to the search, who have just entered their own phase of trying to figure out what all their experiences mean, and coming across this absolute SHIT on the web! It's harder than ever to suss it all out, and I feel grateful that my own learning trajectory largely by-passed that aspect of conspiracy until I was well into my 40s and had a couple of good decades of experience wading through the junk to find a few gems.

I sense an attempt to manipulate that is, in and of itself, a meta-conspiracy of sorts. When suddenly Jews are lumped in with the bad guys or obvious villains are painted as saviors, something is seriously messed up!