At Spiral's End

A little post script about the entry I wrote yesterday.

Much later I heard about abductees being used to contact, abduct, or communicate to other abductees in certain situations and I realized I wasn't the only one who could find their will compromised (though at the time its happening, you feel in perfect control, you just know you're supposed to do something and you do it).

I remember I was with an older abductee friend in Cape Cod in 1992 when she was getting up in the middle of the night and driving to the homes of child abductees, who would go outside to meet her, then she would drive both of them to a rendezvous spot to be "picked up" by guess who? Yeah. She would remember bits and pieces of it like it was a dream. I was there sitting next to her when her father (she lived with her parents for a while at that point) was getting up and he asked her where she was at 2 in the morning last night? She looked stunned and said in bed, but he said he heard her get up and go out the door and he went to ask her what was up-- but she was driving away. She was gone almost 4 hours and then he heard her come home well after dawn. She hoped maybe someone borrowed her car? But he said no-- she wasn't in bed or any where in the house. He checked.

My friend (who worked with Budd as well) got very upset. She had been telling Budd she was having memories (well, pieces of memories) of driving around with children in her car. Taking them to see aliens or hybrids-- or the blond people (she saw them the same as Gerick and I did). She didn't want to believe it because how could she just help kidnap children!? She found it beyond upsetting. Now here her father was telling her that she actually DID leave in the middle of the night. This woman was a very well-traveled, intelligent, educated, sophisticated lady who held her composure very well most of the time. She worked with very wealthy people sometimes and knew how to behave. But I watched her lose it that day. She questioned-- to the point of interrogating-- her father, really wanting him to change what he was saying. But he refused to lie to soothe her worries. They went back and forth for a little while before she relented and accepted what her father was saying.

Her parents were well aware of the whole alien abduction thing. They had a hybrid (maybe) staying with them on and off during a segment of their lives, but still they didn't want to believe it. Budd had spoken to them all, and they were pretty up front about things. They didn't disbelieve it-- they just didn't know where to place it in context with the rest of reality, and had just reached the point (in 1992) of being able to discuss it openly together every once in a while. My friend was silently weeping on and off that day. I would just see a couple of tears leak out now and again. But she had guests and things to do so she tried to set it aside and move on.

So I know I'm not the only one who has faced this odd knowledge that I've done things apparently on behalf of the aliens to other abductees. This lends another entire layer to the question of what exactly is going on. I'm human. I've grown up here. Yet I've acted on their behalf. How many times? Would I have agreed to this sort of behavior in my normal mind state if I knew the reasons? Would I think these reasons justified my actions? I don't remember enough to say yet.

Later, in 1994, I met a woman named Doreen (sadly, she has passed away from cancer now). She was an abductee, and we recognized one another the first time we met in person at a support group meeting for abductees/experiencers. Later, she told me that her children kept telling her about a lady with very long red hair who kept coming to meet them and take them to the ships. She borrowed a photo of me and one of her children found it and was all excited about it, "Mommy! That's The Lady!" They just referred to me as The Lady. I don't recall EVER seeing her children. I have no direct memories of meeting human children, ever (other than Cynthia, who was with her mother at the time)-- but I believed Doreen. It didn't sound unfamiliar.

I've since heard of a few parents who talked about a woman their children claimed to see with VERY long dark red hair-- before they ever met me in person (they were talking to other people who knew me and told me later.) A few times I've met children later who were in their upper teens when we saw each other for the first time while awake in our normal identity state, and we recognized one another from some time before-- but we couldn't remember exactly where-- but we knew it was on a ship. It wasn't just a face thing, either. It was a knowledge of personality and behavior quirks as if we'd spent a lot of time together. Gerick often remembers the same people I do. So its as if there's an entire part of our lives, active and interactive, going on mostly without our everyday-reality conscious awareness.

You think I want to admit to this type of thing? Talk about squirm-worthy...