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Mar. 31st, 2014


The Black Death WAS Airborne Illness (Part 3 add-on)

Some of you know I've been following a fringe researcher who has proposed that the weirdness surrounding the Black Death in the 14th and 15th centuries may be part of some alien/other-dimensional conspiracy to reduce human populations (and introduce new genes-- in this case, Type A blood was a significant factor allowing a greater chance of survival and shifting European populations forever after.) These events include reports of flying machines spraying areas aerially and sightings of black-draped figures spraying something out of long rods or staffs right before outbreaks. At the time, these events were linked to demonic figures.

For years, though, we've all be told that the "Black Death" was actually Bubonic Plague, which is spread via flea bites from rats (whose population exploded after cats were killed en masse because they were seen as instruments of the devil and witches-- this was during the inquisition, remember.)

Yet the written history of the times has all these reports saying differently. As is typical of OUR times, respecting historical reports that just don't jive with our view of the past, despite the fact these reports were widespread in many different areas whose populations were ignorant of similar reports around Europe, was not really possible. The accounts of figures in black and flying machines spraying areas have been viewed as hallucinations or cultural anomalies.... but mostly  these reports, like nearly all things that don't "fit" our prevailing worldview, were simply ignored outright. No one knew what to do with the idea that such a thing could be true-- so they refused to deal with it.

Again-- I summed up those alternative viewpoints here where I reported on William Bramley's idea on this:

Part 1: (Part 2 was about Bramley's other ideas, most of which are not related to the specific Black Death part-- which is my concern for this post.)

Personally, I don't find too much to agree with Bramley on aside from the intriguing notion of possible alien-induced disease outbreak. His notion that aliens are behind wars, for example, don't impress me, for reasons I've already stated. But this one thing he proposes niggles my brain, and it seems this was true for Linda Moultan Howe as well, who brought up and discussed these ideas with Bramley in her interview.

NOW comes some interesting news that actually makes the "purposely spread contagion" theory more probable:

Some important points:

"At least 75 million people—including more than half of Britain’s population—are believed to have died during the 14th and 15th centuries from the plague known as the Black Death. For years, the fatal disease's spread was widely blamed on infected rats' fleas. But now, thanks to a trove of 25 skeletons unearthed by work on a new London railway line last year, scientists now believe the disease was instead likely airborne."

From the original report:

"According to scientists working at Public Health England in Porton Down, for any plague to spread at such a pace it must have got into the lungs of victims who were malnourished and then been spread by coughs and sneezes. It was therefore a pneumonic plague rather than a bubonic plague. Infection was spread human to human, rather than by rat fleas that bit a sick person and then bit another victim. "As an explanation [rat fleas] for the Black Death in its own right, it simply isn't good enough. It cannot spread fast enough from one household to the next to cause the huge number of cases that we saw during the Black Death epidemics," said Dr Tim Brooks from Porton Down."

Curiouser and curiouser!

Mar. 18th, 2014


Vibrating "Higher"? And More Hyper-Reality Dreams

I'm definitely feeling like something is in the air. I've quite recovered my eating and sleeping now and feel much more evenly keeled-- yet there is no doubt that I'm feeling psychically 'charged' as of late. It feels like I'm vibrating at a slightly higher resonance, if that makes sense...

I'm getting strange dreams, 1 or 2 a night, that often seem VERY detailed and clear and pertaining to esoteric subjects.

An example from last night and this morning:

~ I had a very realistic scene (that was definitely a dream) where Gerick got out of bed and walked around to the foot of the bed where he started explaining to me how the aliens put gadgets behind his eyes. (Mine took my right eyeball OUT to do their thing, he was saying in the dream there was another way.) He then pulled a large needle, like a sewing needle only 6 inches long and held it up next to his cheek, where he explained that the aliens could reach behind his eyes via the sinus cavity. They could enter below the upper cheekbone. There is a hollow there that with some expertise can be exploited to get to behind the eyes without the muss and fuss of taking eyes out altogether. The aliens were proud of this new technique and were using it much more these days since there were far fewer complications that way. He told me I should learn to look for a tiny scar in that exact spot on suspected younger abductees, because I might get some confirmation of this information.

Then Gerick went around the bed and crawled back in next to me. I needed to blow my nose and he pulled some tissues from a box and handed them to me.

Whereupon I awoke from the dream. Gerick does not have a box of tissue, nor did I have 'extras' on my side of the bed. Further, in the dream, the room was slightly different enough that I'm sure it was a dream. However, I felt connected or plugged into another reality to some extent, at least mentally, and so maybe that was a short 'teaching dream."

Soon after, Gerick got up and got ready for work and took off. I fell back asleep and about an hour later awoke after yet another dream.

~ THIS one was one I call "hyper-real" because the details were so incredible it was more clear than being awake. Very rare and amazing. It was also one of my FUTURE dreams involving a robo-plane or drone. The design on this air vehicle was more curved and less angular than I'm used to with planes, but it was super clear. I wish I could draw worth a darn because I would draw it. In the dream, the drone-plane was slowing in mid-air, then turning around by flipping over its own back in a loop-de-loop maneuver. I could see it up above me, white like enamel, against the clouds and blue sky, as it did this.

I awoke and my whole body was BUZZING. I could hear an ongoing low tone in my left ear (the good one without tinnitus-- unlike the right, which always has the familiar soft high tingly bells chinging away forever.) I woke up feeling well, but very connected to the universe.

Feb. 24th, 2014


Owl Screen Memory Revisited

Recently, my friend Mike C. presented a talk on Owls, Synchronicity and UFOs for a conference and he mentioned one of my experiences that included a screen memory.

For those looking for more on that, here's my original blog post on that very memory:

If you hit my tags, "greys", "caught!", and several others, you can find my actual experiences, not just speculation and commentary.

This is still in progress, I have several incidents to report from 1991 through 1996 before I'm caught up to present day.

Thanks for stopping by, hope this offers food for thought at the very least. Feel free to comment, you don't have to be signed in to do so. I do screen all anonymous comments, but have posted every one so far.

Feb. 20th, 2014


A Review of My Tentative Beliefs On Alien Agendas So Far

I'm taking a little aside to just go ahead and define my best guess at this point for what I believe the aliens' agenda is and what they may be up to in the future.

I've already discussed this at some length in the past-- and if you haven't read those entries yet, doing so now can catch you up on where I'm at so far. You WILL need to read these articles, if you haven't already, in order to grasp what my position is now on this issue of alien agendas and the future.

John Mack interview about abductions:

Regarding the belief that aliens are harvesting human emotional energy:

What disclosure would mean for abductees:

Abductees and their odd but powerful "sense of mission":

Aliens themselves say their agenda is to create hybrids to live here:

Black Death & aliens-- did they "help" it along? pt 1:

Black Death & aliens, pt. 2:

Of course I have yet to share all my memories to explain some of my thoughts and why I'm leaning towards these beliefs in even a tentative way, but I do my best to explain myself in these posts.

I don't think the Greys are psychic energy or emotional vampires. I don't think they're behind our wars or anything like that-- I can see where some people might prefer to blame human evil on outside agencies, but no way. They can get what they want from us without bothering with such things, and their minds don't work that way so I'm not interested in listening to any more crazy notions along those lines. Unless there's some new information (not conjecture) I'm pretty sick of explaining why I don't believe that. Its not worth my time to entertain such crap any further for the foreseeable future.

However, I DO believe they have an agenda that they're following. Its not to SAVE us in any way that people think of -- like we'll get out of facing the consequences of our own collective stupidity in how we've mistreated the planet (and one another for that matter.) They're not coming down to give us free energy devices. That would only spell our doom that much more quickly because we'd keep breeding out of the planet's carrying capacity-- so no.

Based on what's been actually reported by multitudes of people, and on what I've personally witnessed, we know they're mixing genes to create hybrids (which is easier than saying "transgenic") of humans and grey aliens. We know they take human ovum and sperm, we've seen the aliens' artificial womb tanks with hybrid fetuses in them, and we've seen the hybrids as infants, toddlers, children, adolescents, and adults. (Even the same hybrid growing up over the course of years, so there's no mistaking it.) They ARE making them-- but for what use?

As I've reported before, the aliens themselves sometimes say that they are preparing for a time when the hybrids live down here on Earth. Given how crowded it is already, where would they go?

Again, I've pretty much already said it, but in case you missed it-- I think the most likely scenario is that they're going to take advantage of some massive culling of the population. Speculation among abductees has run high for decades on what that terrible disaster could be... we've been shown many dreadful things by the aliens, often warnings about global weather systems and geophysical upheavals. I don't think I've ever heard of anyone seeing a massive disease outbreak in their future scenarios with the aliens. Nuclear war, asteroid impacts, all sorts of possibilities have been shown by the aliens (which is weird-- do they know or don't they?) but never a pandemic. I'm a little suspicious that the aliens show only really big, dramatic stuff and never something as quiet and deadly as mere germs.

To my way of thinking, given the reports on the Black Death, and that many abductees (including myself) have oddly compromised immune systems, I think we have to consider the notion that perhaps they'll use the least destructive (to the planet) means of greatly reducing population: a new plague of some type. We're ripe for something new to come along as it is-- and given our transportation systems, it would spread everywhere quickly.

My guess is one reason so many abductees have had issues with their immune systems has to do with some experimentation on the part of the aliens. Or perhaps inoculating us against the disease that will be unleashed later has caused side effects for some of us because the pathogen they've developed is so new and destructive.

Because the aliens make it clear they want to keep some humans around for future breeding and perhaps to fill other functions (like assisting the hybrids in all manner of ways) I honestly don't think the Greys mean to kill ALL humans and replace them with the hybrids straight away. If my guess is correct, they didn't the last time either--- Neanderthals and modern humans overlapped (and bred with one another) for around 5,000- 10,000 years before, yes, disease finally killed off the last of the Neanderthals (or at least that is what modern testing is finding more and more likely to be true.)

IF (and, granted, its a big if) the Greys are responsible for making US as replacements for the Neanderthals, then I can see why they wouldn't be satisfied to end with us. We're still not the final form as far as they're concerned. We are still too flawed (not enough like them?) They are pursuing a very long-range agenda of some sort and it seems this may be it.

There is also the possibility that another race did part of the work, or came in at some point, and the Greys are late to the party and just now taking a turn-- there's a lot more that needs to be known about our collective past. Its seems sometimes we were left to our own devices, allowed to run "wild", and other times domesticated, enslaved, and made to follow aliens as gods (or a single God with follower angels or whatever.) It would explain religion very neatly, wouldn't it?

I don't know for sure the ins and outs of such things, the past has been greatly obscured. However, my own personal sneaking suspicion is that maybe we'll be facing a pandemic in the future, and then only after that-- after the population is reduced by half or more, that the aliens will dare to show themselves openly and take over. Because I DO think they plan to take over, they and their hybrids will be in charge according to everything I've ever come across. They want us to welcome them and assist them willingly, and in my own experiences, I've seen signs they're trying to indoctrinate abductees to look up to them (and by many reports, many abductees do). But if not, they can and will force the issue, I'm sure.

I don't think they believe such actions to be wrong. They think the end justifies the means. And humanity, as we stand now, are too caught up in thinking ourselves special to even comprehend the concept of a technologically superior species making us, or at least "improving" us and doing as they like because humans as we are now are not up to par. Fair or not, if its not up to us, what we think we deserve just doesn't matter.

Why all the warnings about the weather going crazy and everything if they're just going to unleash a pandemic? Perhaps they know that times will be rough down here before they come. Maybe they even think that killing a portion of the population via disease is kinder than letting people suffer starvation from a planet's weather run so amok that we can no longer feed ourselves. Who can say? I think they're trying to warn the abductees at least to prepare for things to get rough before they come openly, and it seems many of us are doing just that, including myself and Gerick.

It may not happen during my life. I've been told different repeatedly, but I just don't know what to think on that. Maybe it'll never happen-- but I have a hard time believing they'd make all those hybrids and then quietly leave again. Doesn't seem too likely. I don't even know that wondering about it as I am now can make much of a difference, either way, except that I loathe surprises and would rather feel prepared in some way for whatever is to come-- if it comes at all.

And of course I could be wrong... this is just my best guess at this time. If this changes in any real way at any time, I shall be sure to post again about that mental shift.

Feb. 19th, 2014


Commentary On the 'Species Replacement Hypothesis'

I've been keeping tabs upon and speculating about what the aliens want and how they may possibly affect my personal future as well as humanity's collective future for nearly 3 decades now. That's a long time to collect information, ponder it, and compare notes as to potential possibilities. Now I've said that I prefer not to believe, but to maintain, upon most subjects a semi-permanent state of suspended belief-- preferring to neither believe nor disbelieve.

However-! I would be lying if I didn't admit that over time I'm seeing where some possibilities seem far more likely to be true over others. These "near-beliefs" come about due to my own partially remembered experiences combined with what others have been told, or have found out for themselves AND by looking at some intriguing clues from our mostly buried history.

For example, here's an interview done in March of 2013 (yes, I've been sitting on it that long before bringing it up-- that's how much I'd like to not deal with this) where a man named William Bramley discusses one of my own tentative conclusions:

You'll have to open a window to the article and then go back and forth between that and my own commentary, because there is just too much there to quote here. Below is my commentary only to the material.

Question & Answer 1: Humans have been in contact with non-human intelligences for a very long time, if you look at our history. They were called Gods, Angels, Demons, Faeries, and all sorts of things. However, due to our higher level of knowledge and wider perspective today, it might be more accurate to call them aliens, extra-terrestrials, or ultra-dimensionals. ABSOLUTELY.

Q & A 2: I agree that the aliens (whatever they may be and wherever they are from) DO treat humans as their property. Not all-- some are visiting and just doing scientific analysis, but those kinds don't interact with humans much. The Greys, however, and their allies have actually stated outright to abductees a number of times that we belong to them and that they feel they have the right to do whatever they want to us. We are not equals to them and they will NEVER go to the White House or any other capital to negotiate a treaty because that would mean that what we think matters. It really doesn't. There's no doubt to my mind on this count. As far as they're concerned, our bodies belong to them. Our souls are just-- intriguing to have contact with (to some of them) but not that important as to their mission.

However, I take issue with the whole 'the aliens are controlling us by setting us against one another' thing. Because-- NO. They don't give a shit about our politics. Never. Not even slightly. I have yet to see one reliable report by an abductee where there was any discussion of such a thing. Also-? I've said this before, and I shouldn't have to say it because its so obvious to anyone who has done any real research: the Greys (who ARE in charge or working for those who are [insectoids]) do not operate the way we do with lies and secrets in the same way because they are a telepathic society. In addition, they are a stratified society where one is born into whatever their role is-- there is NO moving up or down in status with manipulations and schemes because that's not how things work for them. Those who suggest such a thing are either totally ignorant of reports of Grey society and/or they are avoiding dealing with the fact that humans are the ones who behave this way and we're entirely capable of great evil (or of allowing great evil to take over our lives with little protest) without any outside 'help.'

The aliens DO NOT CARE about our dramas and politics and governments and social movements. WE care and sometimes project our own desires and meanings into what we try to make out of the alien mindset. But taking an objective moment aside to look at things as they are and the argument for secret alien intervention in our day-to-day politics makes NO sense. They can do what they want, when they want, but for now they choose not to intervene. Believe you me, IF they were in charge, the geopolitics of the world would NOT have issues like global climate change and resource limits and over-population, because the aliens have been bitching about how badly we treat our planet (THEIR planet, as far as they're concerned) and aghast at how completely stupid we are to do things in a way that could annihilate our own species en masse. If they were secretly in charge down here, those massive big issues would be handled far differently, so its obvious they're hands off for now.

Those who suggest the aliens are making us fight amongst ourselves in order to keep us from-- what!? In order to control us to do-- what!? It makes no sense. They're WAITING for something, or else are on a schedule -- and when its time for them to show up and do whatever, surely they will do that. They may try to pretend to be religious figures in order to get our cooperation, but for now they're not bothering to control us as a whole. They could. But for some reason right now they're not exercising their full potential upon us at this time. Most of us abductees expect that to change at some point.

Q & A 3: There may be some merit to the author's claims in the third topic. Maybe they don't want us to learn enough to overcome them. Yeah, I buy that. However, once more I see the ego getting in the way of understanding more here-- we're centuries at least from being civilized to the point of getting our own shit together enough to even be a threat or a rival. We're so power-hungry and egocentric as a species that we're too dangerous to be allowed some things-- like the right to leave this planet to befoul another one... I mean, seriously, how would we treat knowledge of energy-? Use it to make a profit and weapons to control other humans and intimidate them into doing things OUR way? That's our pattern so far most of the time. I mean, really, you don't need aliens to be the "Big Bad" here.

Q & A 4: I refer you to my answer to #2. They're NOT controlling things here right now. They're on the periphery, preparing for something, hiding in the shadows-- not making us fight amongst ourselves in order to... um... yeah, see, that line of reasoning just keeps falling apart. Its hilarious to me how people try to turn aliens into either spiritual space brothers here to save us or demonic forces set upon destroying us. Can't they fall somewhere in-between? As selfish dicks who are just doing what's easiest for THEM to get ahead, SAME AS US!? We have this deep need to either love them or hate them because we don't like not choosing a side. Sadly, its just not that simple. Believe me, I wish it was.

Q % A 5: OooOOoh! This is where things get interesting in the interview!

Bramley posits that the aliens aren't doing things openly (at least not yet) because it works for them not to. He suggests they want to avoid challenges from us humans for starters for as long as possible. (AGREED!) Also, he thinks they're gearing up for some future plans as well. He brings up the giant pink elephant in the room that no one wants to acknowlege: the reports from abductees of a human-alien hybrid program. Obviously they're creating these hybrids for a reason! Let's ask ourselves what that reason could be, hum?

Now I'll quote him:

"Based upon some of the Ancient Astronaut evidence, the Great Flood legend, and the UFO evidence connected to the Black Death, my guess was that the ETs' solution would be another annihilation of humans, perhaps next time completely.  Such annihilation might be in connection with their creation of a new version of Homo sapiens that is more compatible with the ETs to replace us, just as custodial ETs had reportedly done in pre-history to create the current version of homo sapiens back in the day when they needed slaves.  It would be a repetition of the scenario of "out with the old, and in with the new" to fit their changing needs over time."

All of this I think bears looking into, and I admit I tend to agree with this much of his proposed scenario. But then he goes into wild conspiracy theory, suggesting that aliens are the ones behind all our stupid decisions (like GMOs and chemicals poisoning us, political and religious fraud, etc.) when its obvious that mere human greed, short-sighted subservience to convenience, and egocentric bullshit explains it better! The aliens don't want radiation and chemicals on the planet they want their hybrids to inhabit one day, now do they!? NO. So they don't like that shit one bit. AND they've said so in several abduction reports, so this guy needs to do more research!

Then he says, "The speculative scenario that I have just described is also based, in part, on reports that many abductees are being told by their ET captors that a great catastrophe is coming, and some UFO abductees are being trained, oddly enough, in crowd control. That does not bode well."

Yes. Exactly.

I haven't been one of the 'crowd control' people myself, but I know some who have been. I have memories of being trained for all sorts of things for when this great unveiling comes about though. My understanding of it is that they expect people to freak out when they show up (and they may have excellent reason to...) The aliens also expect our governments to resist and create problems for at least a while, likely by capturing the aliens' assets on Earth (that would be us abdutees) and maybe trying to use us for some sort of negotiation or threat or something? But the aliens see that coming and are preparing for it-- and have been for at least 20 years.

I've been contemplating possible scenarios, and I think I have an inkling of what may happen. IF anything... and I'm going to share that tomorrow.

Feb. 10th, 2014

horrible news

Proof of Aliens In Our Past?

Some very exciting news-- IF it can be confirmed as true, so keep your eyes and ears peeled everyone!

I've been investigating alternate views of history for a long time. There are some odd bits of evidence that just doesn't match the view we've been taught in school. Whether true or not, I enjoy just thinking about and imagining possibilities for the sheer fun of it-- but also because conventional views of history don't make sense in certain places.

For example, why did human civilization spring almost whole cloth out of fertile areas in the desert? It doesn't make sense. Yet in our oldest written mythologies, there are tales that explain this mystery. According to the ancients themselves (including the Hebrews) there were beings that came from "the heavens" or outer space, who came here and mixed their genes with the primitive humans (Neanderthals, essentially, according to the timeline) and thus made modern humans. They did this in ceramic test tubes, but then the alien women gestated them in their own wombs and gave birth to them. Once they had a breeding population-- humans had their own babies and the aliens had what they wanted: cheap slave labor.

According to the stories (from the Middle East, India, South America, and even China/Nepal) these aliens mined the earth for certain minerals they needed-- including gold. They had flying vehicles and machines, but it was just easier to have human slaves do it, apparently. And there were rivalries and politics that set various "gods/angels/aliens" against one another. Also, there were traitors (Prometheus, Lucifer) who revealed to the humans that they were not gods, but just beings who were fooling the humans into worshiping them out of laziness, greed, and to get off on the whole power thing. (Which makes sense why, if winners write the histories, that such beings were "cast down" and called evil. They were evil, but only as revolutionaries who took pity on humanity.)

At some point, they left. The stories don't really explain why very well. However, the stories ALL say that these gods will return someday.

You may ask yourself-- what did these being look like? Excellent question. Interestingly enough, they did not look like Greys, or Reptilians, or Nordics -- rather, they looked very much like bony-faced humans, over 6 feet 6 inches tall, with large pointy heads. These elongated heads were proof of their alien (or divine) ancestry, and so human high-priests who served under them wore elaborate head gear to emulate the gods: from left to right-- Mayan (Mexico), Minoan (near Greece)

mayahat minoanhat This is where the idea that tall hats were for witches, wizards, and princesses originally came from. Its all a holdover from a time when only those with connection to aliens (gods) were allowed such hats to show how much they were like the gods themselves.

neferhat egypthatThere's a long history of it all over the world, from Egypt to Persia to Babylon to Peru to Japan to China to--- well, trust me, this is a world-wide weirdly common thing...

Soon, all those of "royal" blood as well as high priests, were using head-binding techniques on their own infants and children to make them have head shapes resembling those of the beings they worshiped. It was a way to mark out the high-borns from the commoners. By the time of Jesus' birth, these beings were almost wholly absent, and had been for a couple of thousand years, with perhaps a few fly-bys now and again-- but they no longer worked out in the open, preferring more covert contacts.

Still, several peoples around the world retained either the high hats or the head-binding as a left-over of the old days of the gods living near us or with us:
headjapanFrom Japan there was head-binding. You look at this statue and you think its from the New World, but its the Far East.

flatheadCultures throughout the New World (especially the west) practiced this. Here you see one of the devices used to create the head shape. It was very painful and the infants were often given things to quiet them. Of course, Europeans coming upon this were appalled, yet the same thing was done all over Asia and the Middle East for many thousands of years. There are techniques for wrapping around the skull and squeezing-- which makes a shape like the skull below. There are still a few tribes in Southeast Asia and Africa who do this, so a modern version looks like the woman below.

headbinding   skullbind

The tales are tantalizing, and would explain many things. Unfortunately, most of the elongated skulls ever found have been obvious examples of head-binding. The one possible exception would be the skulls found in the desert peninsula of Paracus, Peru. They were found in 1928 and well taken care of afterwards. Unlike all the tribal head-binding skulls found throughout the world, usually in areas of pyramids and other complex stonework.

"The Paracas skulls, however, are different. The cranial volume is up to 25% larger and up to 60% heavier than conventional human skulls, meaning they could not have been intentionally deformed through head binding/flattening. They also contain one parietal plate, rather than two. The fact that the skull's features are not the result of cranial deformation means that the cause of the elongation is a mystery, and has been for decades."

paracaskullThe truly large-headed skull in question, very well preserved...

elongated-skull-artistic<-- Artist's rendition of skull during life. Is this who all those people have been trying to emulate all these many thousands of years? How powerful of a legacy do you leave when scores of people are willing to TORTURE their INFANTS to look like you?

Despite the evidence that's come in, I'm sure few scientists will even be willing to LOOK at it-- given how it flies in the face of their dogma that since aliens CAN'T be here, any evidence just doesn't count. Its a weird type of religion as I've said before.

Taking this seriously would also mean that as a society, we'd have to worry about that whole "the gods promised to return" thing someday.

As someone who has dealt with other types of aliens, I have never heard of anyone reporting alien visitations from elongated headed human-looking types EVER. I sometimes wonder if the rush of the other aliens is that they want to get what they can before our masters return to the planet (and the inhabitants) that they consider to be their property!

Feb. 3rd, 2014


Elaine Douglass Onward & Ever Upward


I first came to know Elaine several years ago after I came across the magazine project she was so passionately working on at the time: JAR or Journal of Abduction Research. Like many who have come to accept the reality of alien intrusion into their lives, I am always looking for new information, and so when I saw the 2 free issues of JAR, I checked them out. I came away impressed because they weren't hedging about the reality of abductions, they were just diving into different issues regarding the experience and taking it from there. No one seems to be doing that much these days, but there is still plenty to discuss, so I was happy to see someone start a project like JAR.

When I contacted Elaine, it was originally to offer my services as an editor. I've been working as an editor part-time for various projects for many years now (although my own personal writing can use an eccentric style that I wouldn't normally use in professional publishing!) and there was a call for editors on their site. After we began to communicate, however, it quickly became clear that Elaine was much more interested in my own experiences, since I was upfront that I was, in fact, an abductee.

And so for a good part of a year, I worked on a couple of articles for her that were later published in JAR. I chose the most recent well-remembered experience (with "Ethan") and then another very puzzling one to share (about the robed female greys who gave a demo to a roomful of human women showing how they could turn invisible.) During that year we spent countless hours on the phone and came to know one another very well, and we shared our views of the phenomenon we call alien abduction.

One thing not all experiencers seem ready to face are the darker aspects of this entire class of paranormality. Too many are too eager to whitewash every bit of this and turn it into a spiritual New Age peace and love thing. But to reach that conclusion, one must ignore a gigantic amount of information that includes sexual assault, continuous kidnapping, psychological trauma, and the stripping of human will and dignity, completely obliterating any sense of sanity and security. You can't just gloss over that! However, many try, because to face these facts is to admit to our utter vulnerability to something far more powerful than ourselves.

Without a doubt, Elaine was an advocate for abductees, and she insisted on looking at the dark and scary things that made other people blanch and turn away. She kept shining a spotlight on those dark places, almost metaphorically shaking people to LOOK! LOOK! And this could make people uncomfortable of course, even angry. But Elaine was tenacious, and would not be censored.

[Though I'm well aware of the negative side of alien abduction, as indicated by my many posts on the subject, I have also experienced wonder and had the amazing opportunity to be up close to an entirely different form of intelligent life. I've personally felt that the greys and hybrids, at least most of them, are sincerely trying not to cause harm. They're clumsy about it, because their psychology is SO different, but I don't subscribe entirely negative motives to them. And then there are the human aliens and they SEEM so much kinder and more gentle, but they still steal our bodies in the night and our memories when they return us. I don't see the alien agenda as entirely a black and white issue. Its SO complicated!]

Elaine also took the cases she heard involving a human factor seriously. Whether some quasi-government ultra-secret group or groups, or some alien manifestation that just appeared to be an official human agency-- she paid attention to these very disturbing reports. I could tell her feelings regarding our government and military were complicated and often contradictory, but knowing her background, that made sense to me.

As you can imagine, when we compared notes on these things, it could make for some pretty intense conversations!

Yet I always listened. She generally had access to many more sources of information than I did, and so I was very willing to hear her out. In return, she gave me the gift of listening very carefully to my own memories and taking them very seriously. I couldn't help but admire her advocacy for those of us who are taken, and her passion in going after the truth.

I launched my own paranormal blog (which I'm happy to say Elaine read and appreciated) after that year and began to tell more and more of my own story. Elaine Douglass was one of my cheerleaders, and we stayed in touch and on good terms even after I no longer wrote for JAR. Not too long ago, when a stalker harassed my husband and myself over a personal dispute with another abductee that occurred over 19 years ago, Elaine was an unwavering source of support. Familiar with the interpersonal melodramas that can often erupt in the UFO abduction 'community', she offered us some perspective when we needed it most.

People who make waves and force us to pay attention to things we don't like are not always popular, but those people are needed. Without those passionate protesters in our numbers, too many vital things are dismissed prematurely and to the detriment of many. Up until the last few months of her life, Elaine was still active in the paranormal world, researching, advocating, sharing information, and figuring out new and important pieces of the many convoluted puzzles that make up the multifaceted features of these related Fortean events and encounters. Without her, the rest of us aren't going to do as well, of that I have no doubt.

I didn't always agree with her, but reaching agreement isn't the point when you're trying to find the truth. Widening your perspective and hearing out those who might catch something you miss is much more important. Too often during disagreements people forget that important lesson.

Regardless, on a personal level, I really liked Elaine. She was intensely curious, had penetrating insight into often difficult subjects, and was absolutely relentless in her pursuit of the truth. I respected her and appreciated what she brought to me as a friend, not just as a researcher.

I will miss her greatly.

Jan. 26th, 2014


The Small Wooden Box & the Barbie Baby

Something very strange happened to me a few days ago and I'm still trying to wrap my head around it. Right after I made the discovery I called Mike C. and told him how very puzzled and weirded out I was...

It seems my husband found a cool-looking wooden box (big enough to hold a pack of cards comfortably) with gold painted designs on it sitting next to a box of my alter and ritual supplies (incense, various stones, tarot card decks, etc.) He brought it downstairs and asked me about it, and I was very distracted at the time, but said something like I'd check it out later, not realizing what it was. He opened it and said something about a tiny doll, but I don't remember what exactly. Like I said, I was busy doing something else. He set it up on top of one of the tall bookshelves for me to check out later, not realizing he placed it beyond my line of sight, and therefore rather beyond my attention for the foreseeable future.

Cut to around a week later. I got up Friday morning, during the week my husband was gone, and came downstairs to see that someone had placed an old wooden box from my late childhood/early teens that has been missing since the late 80s in a weird place on top of the corner whatnot shelf balanced atop a dragon statue and the side of one of our tall bookshelves. It was placed so oddly, you couldn't help but notice it when you looked at that area. I was astonished because there was NO WAY it was there the night before (as I used the shelf myself and never saw it.) I mean, I can be a bit daft and oblivious-- but to that extent?

I took it down, instantly filled with memories of one of my childhood treasure boxes, and opened it, finding myself still more astonished at the contents. Inside were 2 school writing assignments from junior high plus a generic barbie doll baby. (Not Barbie brand, but same size as a baby would be for a barbie doll.) It had black hair in a bowl cut and was wearing a scarlet red pajama one-piece. The school assignments were lost decades ago, as was the little doll. I haven't seen any of these 4 items (including the box they were in) in so long I barely remembered any of them existed once.

I didn't keep most of my schoolwork as a rule, and neither did my parents, so that's weird by itself. One of the assignments was about watching a friend of mine die from anorexia. (She didn't end up dying-- today she's married to a Hollywood producer, but she was hospitalized for 2 years for severe eating disorders.) The other was just a vocabulary thing where you use all the words in a short essay, which in this case was about how I was such a bookworm. The doll-- well, I actually remember going through all my old toys at one point in my late teens and realizing that small doll (an inch and a half long, if that) was gone from my barbie collection.

In addition, as I was remembering how long its been since I've seen any of these things, I recalled having a conversation with someone the night before where I told them where to place the wooden box so I'd notice it! It was a man, around my height, but all other features are lost in my memory. I just remember telling him to place it on the back of the dragon's wings in that weird way. It couldn't be my husband because he was on the other side of the country at the time.

After I had my reaction (of astonishment and wonder) with Mike on the phone, I hung up with him and called my husband and he reminded me he found the box with my alter stuff and brought it downstairs. (Oh, yeah...!) He helped me recall that conversation about my checking it out later. I didn't know what happened to the box after that-- but he told me he placed it on top of a bookshelf.

Okay, so playing devil's advocate here-- its possible a cat could have climbed up the shelves and knocked the gold box off the top of the book shelf to land on top of the dragon's back on the shelf below. But if so, why do I remember that conversation with a man? Also, where did the box and its contents come from in the first place?! That just seems crazy to me. I don't have much from my youth anymore beyond diaries and some other assorted personal writing. I don't have a lot of extraneous crap lying around. We downsized several times long ago-- and then even more so when we moved to Ohio, and then again when we moved back to Oregon. I really don't have very many mementos left over anymore. Certainly nothing I would have missed like THAT.

So the whole thing doesn't make much sense.

I'll take pics of the box and doll and all of that here soon. I'm hoping I get more memory back of that guy who was here.

Finally, I want to thank Mike for being "on call" for me right after this happened. I was pretty nervous about sleeping at night and it was good to know he would let me call him even at 2 or 3 am if anything more happened. I don't think so, but it was easier knowing I could do that without annoying the shit out of somebody.

Jan. 25th, 2014


When Mundanes Must Deal With Demons

I found this fascinating article about a family (grandmother, mother, and 3 kids) in Gary, Indiana (right next to Chicago in the Rust Belt) who moved into a home and faced demonic intrusion, even possession.

That story here:

And one reason I found it so interesting was how it explains all the conventional personnel who were called in to check out the situation and decide what to do. Again and again, people whose belief system didn't allow for children levitating or walking up walls to stand on the ceiling ("parlor tricks" parapsychologists call them) were forced to confront a new reality. To their credit, most stuck with the family and continued to help them as best they could. But the story of one schema of reality (the one most of us know and collectively share) with an utterly threatening and baffling paranormal reality bears close scrutiny.

I'm always keen to know how people deal with these types of issues since I've had weird things happening to me my whole life (including very recently, more on that later.) Without witnesses, its impossible to convey the physical manifestations of these realities in a convincing way to most. Therefore, when such things happen before multiple people-- that's a very powerful moment for everyone involved, both those undergoing the initial manifestations, and those that then get to see it all for themselves as a part of a witnessing group.

Eventually, some had to admit, even publicly where such things are verboten, to the notion that demons or some inhuman intelligence that can defy the laws of physics as we know them exist and are here interacting with a few people. Some still tried to rationalize what they witnessed, stubbornly attempting to fit a square paradigm into a circular reality. And in the case of demons, especially, I can understand the temptation to discount such vile possibilities. No one wants demons to exist except madmen and sociopaths (who may appreciate the company.)

Definitely worth reading. And don't worry, there's a happy ending-- the Catholic Church backed multiple exorcisms and the family is okay now.

Dec. 27th, 2013


Truth & Faith: A Flimsy Foundation For Belief

I thought I'd take some extra time in these last few days before the new year to go over those lessons that really struck home for me in the last year. I want to discuss the themes and thoughts that invaded my heart and mind and took root...

I've always had friends from many different faiths-- my whole life. My parents followed an unconventional path, so from the beginning I had a freedom and indeed a need to compare beliefs and understand them. Why follow this and not that? For most, I soon learned, there was no choice about it. They were told a perspective from their childhood and then grew to follow it in a process we call 'indoctrination.' Its slower than brain-washing, but because it generally begins in childhood, most take what is fed to them for granted and feel greatly uncomfortable with anything that challenges that viewpoint. (Although the natural rebellion of adolescence offers some a window for more freedom of thought-- or to be taken advantage of for yet another acquired belief system...)

Interestingly, my own father's attempts to indoctrinate me into his own brand of Atheism lite combined with a muddled form of Scientology, while I grew up surrounded by a Secular/Xtian society, combined with my mother's agnostic Buddhism, actually gave me a perspective on this shared by only a few. I couldn't help but compare-- there was no ONE single Truth ever presented to me, only a jumble of competing truths. My own often baffling paranormal personal experiences only helped to push home how difficult it is for ANYONE to lay claim to perfect assurance of knowing what is what.

So I developed a natural skepticism that only grew more malleable and sophisticated with time. I could only differentiate between more and less possible truths, and learned to become comfortable with a permanent state of uncertainty. I realized few have ever truly followed me to such a mental space, and felt the chasm between myself and others for this aspect of who I am-- but once you cross that line, you can't ever cross back. Not without consistent 'proof' of faith-- which doesn't happen often, and even then-- who's to say what possible Trickster may lurk behind any given presentation? So often any given 'Authority' proved itself only another asshole pursuing selfish agendas using other people's faith that I soon lost faith in Authority. Always open to finding one that wasn't exploitative-- but the few that were 'legit' revealed themselves to be so weak I gave up looking for help from outside myself. Which led to me realizing how alone and puny I really was in the grand scheme of things...

I have come to accept my own tiny place in the universe. I have found embracing humility to be a very comforting thing. With great power comes great responsibility and the world is such a mess! I have dreams of helping to fix that, but those dreams are all but dead now. If there is any sort of destiny to my future, I will only be playing a small part in a much larger scheme and I'm perfectly okay with that. I just don't want to be strung along any further. Enough to the omens and prophesies and promises made by inhuman beings! Put up or shut up I say now. I played along willingly for long enough that I should have more to show for my efforts than I do at this point.

Once I was very open to a myriad of possibilities, but that sort of faith can only take so much abuse in the face of a sophisticated 'open-minded true skeptic'. I KNOW there is more to existence than our material reality, but that is just the beginning of the journey. 'Now what?' becomes the question I would like answered and the universe seems too quiet on this count, and so I remain in waiting of more, but without much faith of acquiring what I need to move on to any further steps. I see a grim future coming at humanity very quickly, but I think simply surviving with a bit of comfort and security will be a large enough role to fill. I know there is much to be done, but I can't occupy my mind with potentials that can only be reached with reliable contact from outside agencies. Without that-? Fuck it.

I can identify and comprehend the need for some grand MEANING behind all this chaos in our existence. Mere chance behind everything seems unjust, messy, and fruitless. Certainly those of us paying attention notice glimpses behind the curtain to some Presence with a Plan. We only get the quick peeks, though-- nothing that would offer most of us useful direction. So we muddle on through, as best we can, feeling strongly that there IS a point somehow, to everything, but not quite sure what it is or where we fit into it.

During this process, we all get lost at some points. We want the answers so strongly that we fill in the blanks ourselves, or-- more commonly-- allow others to do it for us. The Truth is that Jesus is the reason for the season (and everything else...) Or some other religion. Or maybe its a technotopia with endless life as consciousness within a computer a la The Singularity. Its to own as much as possible. Or its to have power over as many as possible. Or fame. Or... Or... Or...

I see this in other people, and I've seen it in myself (although in weak spurts that soon die out as my more natural state of open-minded skepticism kicks in). During the points at which we are fooled into believing anything, we may be utterly lost to other perspectives, and the world closes in.

I've been given both a great blessing and an incredible curse in my life -- to have so much belief explosively shattered repeatedly and decisively by powers beyond either nature or humanity. I don't know what to do with it other than study it as the opportunity presents itself. I've come to act in keeping with the reality presented to me, yet held any true faith at bay. Faith in anything outside my control doesn't seem to serve me or anyone else as far as I can tell. Institutions. Other people. The Spiritual Realm. Oh-- all those things EXIST of course, but can we count on any of them in the day to day? Not always. Multiple agendas compete and truth gets obscured and buried until everything becomes a matter of faith because there is nothing of value left beyond faith.

And THAT is no longer good enough for me. Hasn't been for a long time. I realized I'd "shifted" profoundly at some point when I started losing my fear of the unknown. It didn't happen all at once by any means, but bit by bit I realized either an angel or devil could show up at my doorstep and I wouldn't freak out about it. Its hard to explain because few people have been truly TESTED on this as I have, but believe me, its a weird place to find myself. But I can link that loss of existential fear with my loss of faith. After confronting the greatest loss of faith of all (in reality itself and in what inhabits it) it seems the rest pales in comparison.

But this bizarre perspective, as I've stated before, puts me at odds with most of the human race, who rely upon their precepts as the foundation for their very existence. I now see how faith itself is the most powerful impulse of our kind. It offers both salvation and condemnation in a single breath. Its the one thing that can override our very instincts for survival. We'll murder innocent strangers because of it, yet we're just as likely to reach out to help those strangers due to it. How confounding is this thing: 'faith'? I understand all this-- my own little wee glimpse of truth despite the shananigans of the guy (or guys!) behind the curtain-- but cannot convince anyone else of it. I have no real motivation to even try, really. What's the use? <--- [See? Lack of faith again! Or maybe faith in my lack of power or in the stubbornness of others!]

I'm not depressed by it overly much, nor do I think that a nihilistic perspective of "well, fuck it all, there IS NO POINT!" is the answer. We make of the world what we can I guess. There are answers out there. I've seen enough to know that much. I just don't know that I have been deemed important enough of a creature to be allowed to know them. I can bemoan this little truth all I like-- won't change anything.

I'm certain that most victims or experiencers of repeated paranormal phenomena have had these lessons of faith and truth bludgeoned into their very souls. For most, it is a very long process of watching old faiths die, and then scrambling to create new ones, only to watch many if not all of those faiths stumble and crawl pathetically onwards. During this process, so many want so desperately to have answers, to find the POINT behind all this craziness, that some ugly fighting can break out. In the end, though, opinion does NOT sway reality, which shall move forward as it likes by its own time schedule (which is WAY too slowly for most of us!)

At this point, I don't believe much. I don't fear much (other than obvious threats to my physical survival). I only wait, and watch, and listen-- and take notes when I learn anything new and report it as I go. I would love to have a reason behind it all. I would love to surrender into faith. I don't know that its possible anymore, but I remember fondly those brief periods when I enjoyed such a mental luxury. Oh, to be lazy and stop wondering and comparing and reality-testing! To single-mindedly pursue an agenda and know why I'm doing so!

This last year I came to realize, however, that such a thing may never happen again for me this life.

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